I hope all is well in heaven cause it’s all shot to hell down here

Great… just great… I’m crying… wanna know why… 3 weeks that’s why. 3 Weeks you gotta be kidding me… I have waited and waited and waited for that boy to come back to Maine and he’ll only be staying for 3 weeks…. I hate it here… I wish I could just disconnect from everyone and everything and be ok with it… I wish I wasn’t so emotional and attached…. Justin, Jen, Lee, Kevin, Kiwi, Michaela, NaToni, Jami, Alicia, Monica, Cora, Nick, Emily, Jaylyn, Becca, Erin, Melissa, Russell, Megan, Cindy, Bethie, Lisa, my family… anyways… I gotta get down to lunch… bbl to write more…. I’m so much more depressed now then I was half an hour ago….
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ok back for more typing...
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Well.... huh.... my mind just went numb.... never mind that though... how is everyone?... I'm depressed because a lot of bad shit is going down. Crashing hard into the ground in my life.... Kevin.... Justin.... Leola.... Kiwi..... Kyle now too.... I know it's not his fault but.... what am I gonna do without him... 3 weeks?.... eye eye eye.... I hate his mother.... I swear I do.... he can save money up here too. I'll make him get a job and make him save the money... hell I'd give him money from my paychecks when I get a job if he stays longer... it would be worth every penny of whatever I make.... he means the world to me. I told Kiwi that Kyle was more important then her and everyone else in this state put together including Justin and she got all pissed off at me. Well yah know what.... I can't help it. Kyle's been there for me through some pretty rough times and I owe the world to him for it. I love that boy. More than I love Justin that's for sure... I mean I love Justin... I'm in love with Justin. And I would never be able to choose between them... my head would like explode trying to choose but....yeah... I really love Kyle and I need him more than anyone could possibly realize. Damnit... why is it always me... drama, drama, drama, in my life..... I want a cushy lifestyle... why can't I have a cushy lifestyle?.... whatever I'm outtie.

currently.....

Today is step-up day and even though I don’t have to be here in school today… I am… Why? You may want to ask me. Well… first off, I don’t have to go to any of my classes today I just get to walk around and not get in trouble for it for once. Second, I wanted to see my friends and go to all three lunches… showing Mr. Cooper I was there and not getting in trouble for it. HA! Third, I wanted to use the schools printer in the library to print off my blogs. Fourth, I want to use the computer when I get home too… to check my mail and see if Kyle has written me back yet.
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Oh yeah… also…. Kyle should be posting soon and I wanna be online when he does so I can quickly write back… I’m staying in the library, all day until lunchtime… which is like 10:36 here,... So 9:36 there…. And that kid usually post around 9am his time… so that means an hour and a half maybe till he posts something… hopefully he posts something… I mean he might not have study hall today or maybe they just wont le him and he doesn’t wanna take the chance of getting caught or something… but if he does post I wanna know about it first. Justin too… I wonder if Justin has posted anything yet… he should be in school right now.
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Ok I checked Justin’s and Kyle’s blogs… nothing new. My friends all suck.
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I’m kinda tired…. I stayed up until like 2 something and I woke up in coughing fits all night long… I had to be a mouth breather ewwww…. I don’t know… I hate being sick… this morning since I didn’t have to go to homeroom I walked Kevin to his homeroom and sat with him at the little booths that used to be in the café. I was like “Kevin, maybe we should stop hanging out for like a week or so” and he’s like “Yeah, I don’t like you either” and I was like “No, just so I can get over this damn cold we keep passing back and forth between us”. It’s so gross. Like our cough is horrible and I have a stuffy sometimes, runny sometimes nose and it’s bugging me right to death.
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I’m gonna post this now even though I’m not done with my thoughts… just so if Kyle happens to be on he has something current to read… write more laterz

Friends

Jen came over and we made up... um.... I never got to talk to Justin again today.... so I don't know what up with him. Um.... Kevin.... well Kevin's a loser and I don't like him anyways... j/k I love Kevin so much... He's one of my best frineds... why do I fight with him so much?... I hate this shit. I'm around these people way too much... that's what it is.... why are there so many changes... why are we all growing up... why can't we go back and fix everything...
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Sometimes I wish... that I didn't have so many friends that count on me. I mean.... I have so many friends and that's cool ya know. I'm popular... I should always have someone to talk to right?.. but then.. when it comes to the important things... I don't... I have no one to talk to about the important stuff... not even Kyle anymore... I need just one person that I can be totally honest with... why, why, why, do I have to be such a liar. Why can't everyone I know just be open and honest with everyone else... I mean... the rewards for keeping the secrets are good, but... I don't know... it hurts... but I wont tell...
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God I hate myself....
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Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
Bible, John 8:32
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Bye Byes...

Fighting with everyone I love

I have no one.....
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I'm fighting with everyone of my best friends... except Kyle and if I could get ahold of him I would probably be fighting with him too... I'm just not in a good mood. It almost makes me want to start cutting again. I mean... Kevin, Lee, Jen, and Justin are either mad at me or I'm mad at them.... today is just not my day. I tried to talk it out with Kevin this morning but I was positive and all the pain has come back and hit me even harder.
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Everyone says I'm making too big of a deal out of this but... I don't know... I have a right to my opinion don't I?.... I have rights.... don't I?... shouldn't my friends not want to do stuff to upset me? Right?... I don't know.... I just... I feel like crap.... I hate myself and I just want Kyle to be back and wrap me in his arms and never let me go. Who cares what all those lozers think anyways... the only person who matter to me is Kyle. I love him more than anything and anyone in the world. It sucks that I'm everybody's best friend and I'm never honest with any of them. I am the most dishonest person ever. I hate secrets. I'm just gonna cut everyone out. I'm gonna go straight from class to class and not talk to anyone. I don't need friends.... fuck that!
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I hate life... Kyle come back ASAP!

Well I feel like crap........

can't exactly write on here for public knowledge to know but... just know... I feel like crap. Some people know ... Kevin and Leola... some people will know soon.... Jen, Kyle, Justin...... I don't know.... I can't wait to be able to sit down with Kyle and just talk this shit out.
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I don't know why it made me so upset... what happened.... but....it did.... I don't think it was jelously... cause I wouldn't do that.... i had a chance and I didn't take it.... long time ago.... anyways... I don't think it was because I was jealous that I made such a big deal out of it. ..... wow I'm already giving it away so....
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Kevin... even though we fight a lot now, I still love you. I'm still mad at you for earlier too by the way... but yes I still want to have you're babies... Kevin Jr lol.... my little Kevin Jr and my little Justin Jr. ..... I want a Kyle Jr.... DAMNIT! .... anyways... Kev I'm sorry. I still love you... I just.... no more ok... no more....

So what's up....

So all that's happened yesterday (Saturday).... I woke up at 2:15pm.... Kevin showed up.... ya know what... I'm tired now... so quickly now... Jen showed up and we got high with her. Me and kevin got in a fight about me doing his laundry again (Oh yeah I slapped him because he was acting like Justin again)... and he got all pissy and went home. Jen left like soon after that. Kevin came back over and apoligized to me even though he still thought I was in the wrong. Yes I admit I shouldn't have hit him, I admit that. But he was an asshole and it's a natural reaction to hit someone when they're mean to me. I barley even realize I'm doing it when I'm doing it. But yeah... he keeps turning into Justin on me and it's getting scary. Kevin and me spend way too much time together... everyone always said me and Justin act like an old married couple... well.. heh... now me and Kevin are acting it (with one small difference, lol) I don't like Kevin though so it's a little weird. Anyways.... Leola showed up and then Monica and Cora showed up like two secounds later. We watched like 3 episodes of LAWKI.... finally Kevy saw some eps... damn!... Then we put all our money together and Kevy, Cora, and Lee went up to see Hippie. They got back and we got positive... Monica and Cora hung out till like 2:30ish... Kevin stayed and hung out with me and Lee till like 5 something.... at like 4am we played a game of magic cards and then at 4:20 we got positive... it was cool.. to say the least. After I was done giving Kevin a massage he jumped up and was like I got to get home. I'll be in trouble... blah blah blah... he doesn't have a curfew on weekends... it's not my fault my arms got tired so I couldn't do it anymore. Anyways he went home and I got online... plus I found a recipe for my peanut better cookies and made them... yummy! I burnt the first two batchec but the third came out great.... Well like I said I am really, really tired... so... night all... even though it's 8am....lol...ha ha...
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I love you Kyle James Sanchez... I have so much to talk to you about, I can't wait till ur back... only like a week now.... I love you.
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Justin I miss talking to you... um... ur still one of my best friends and because of that I love you.
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Lee... hope ur having sweet dreams (*wink, wink*)
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Jen... I love you girl...
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Kiwi... why didn't you come over today?... huh?...
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Nick... hey what's up... am I written into the book yet?
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Monica and Cora... don't forget to return my stuff.... I love you guys
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Josh... I haven't talked to you in a while now... what's been up with you?
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Brett... u never came down this week like you said you would. I miss you.
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NaToni... I know how you feel. We should become full fledge lesbians.... ha ha ha yeah right!
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Ayone I forgot... I'm sorry... my stomache hurts and I'm tired... plus my positiveness is wearing thin. Love you all!

NaToni

Why me and NaToni get along so well:

WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS!!! Errgh I hate me. Maybe if... wait nvm I wont say that. So yea well LOVE SUCKS. and so does life and I hate it all but no one cares. Well at least the one person I want to care doesnt and I hate it it makes me hate myself and feel like im not good enough for him or anyone else and errgh i hate this. Yea I miss him alot now. I hate being emotional I really do. See i build everything up to the point its almost over and then it all gets ruined and thats my fault.....

She wrote that in her blog.... it's the same way I feel about Justin... WOW!

Today was ok I guess.... Kevy woke me up and then took off to Jen's bus stop. I got dressed and got Matt to give me a ride at like the last minute I made it to homeroom. In the hall I ran into Becca and she had me sign her yearbook. Then Kevy walked up behind me and I walked with him down the hall. There was an awards asembley this morning and it sucked balls. Before it started I went up to freshman academy to try to find Jen but I later found out she was late so I basically wasted my time. I didn't even see Kevin and he yelled at me to sit with him in the audi. I ended up sitting with my homeroom class like I was supose to. What a lozer I was lol. It was ok anyways cause I was sitting where no one had to get up for an award. Bunch of lozers in my homeroom lol. Just across the walkway was Susie, Molly, Lizzie, Celila, and Katy so.... they basically got all the awards anyways. I ate my sandwhich during it lol.. what? I was hungry. I didn't eat any breckie. (Our Lips Are Sealed) After the asembly I ran into Jen in the hall and gave her the note I had wrote in the audi. We got into a kinda mini-fight in the hall. Can't remember what about now but I wrote about it earlier. Then I went to the library and started printing out my blogs.... lol... I'm gonna have a copy offline too so when I'm being a stupid stoner and can't remember what I did yesterday I'll have it on paper. Yay! Then I went to freshman acadmey and ran into Jen again and she said she was sorry so we like made up. I asked her where Kevin was and she said he was at Gina's, which is near my math class. So when I was walking there I ran into Kevy in the hall and he was going to the nurse and he asked me to go with him. So I went to my classroom and told Ms Ralph that I was walking a friend to the nurse's office and I just kinda walked out. We walked up there and I went and got a chocolate milk. Then I walked with Kevy to the learning center. Then I finally went back to my class. She didn't even care. She didn't even make me do any work. I think she knows I'm gonna fail her class anyways... and skip the gay ass final! After her class I went to my Wellness class and was suppose to go bowling. I asked Mr hines if I had enough time to go to the bathroom and he said to use the one in the girls locker room and then go out that door. I walked all the way down there but the fucking door was locked so I had to go all the way back up and across the hall to that bathroom. When I went back the gym was empty. The stupid class left without me. GOD DAMNIT. So instead I went to A lunch and got an ice cream sundae. Yummy! I wanted to go to Jen's Foods class for b and c lunch but Ms Woods wanted me to get permission from Mr Holland so i was gonna go talk to Mr Kahl since he likes me better but he was busy serving the vanilla ice cream at lunch. Ms Woods wouldn't let me stay and Jen got all pissed off. She was all yelling at me again and stuff.. Who does she think she is - Justin? So instead for B lunch I went to the library and Micheala was in there so I had her start a blog. Yay! Plus I sent her a link to join our friends blog. I was working on printing out my blogs and stuff so i acidentally stayed through c lunch too when I was suppose to go to Kevin's lunch. Whoops. I printed out my blogs up to March I think.... anyways... I went to my accounting class late and the teacher wasn't even there so I went and stood in the hall with the people waiting to get into see Gina. Kevin, Justin d, Steve M, Doug, Dakota, Mary was waiting there too. Gina came out and yelled at the boys to be quite and made me and Mary leave so I went back up to my class. The teacher was back. I did a little work then fell asleep lol. Then I went on the bus home and Kevin didn't even notice I was there till he started talking about me and I spoke up lol..... We walked home and in the yard he hugged me and said he was gonna take a nap (and some other things - ewww) anyways yeah... so he wouldn't be coming over tonight and I thought I was gonna be all alone... my mom had to bring Cullen to an apointment so I had her drop me off at the library and I made a bunch of poster for my walls. Um... Doug was there and his hand hurt. Jeez I wonder why?.... Trueman probably deserved it anyways.... then I went and found mommy at Ali's office and we went to K-mart/ goodwill.... I got Jimmy two complete new outfits yay! Then I went to K-mart to find mom or something but I couldn't. I got a bag of pads because we're almost out and I started walking around the store looking for her again. I saw skater Mike waved and walked off in a diferent direction. Then I saw David and Stacey so I just quickly dropped the bag behind a shelf somewhere. I went and taked to them for a while and gave David a hug. Oh yeah he got a job at McDonald's... yay for him! I went outside and some guy had a stand set up. he asked me if I was a registered voter and I said yes so he asked me to sign some paper about taxes or something... I didn't care I signed it. then he asked me to sign a paper about gays rights to marrige and I was like,huh? "Are you for or against" and he said niether really but more against. So I was like "I don't think my girlfriend would like that" lol... He just kinda looked at me funny so I bought a can of soda from the machine and walked away. Then I ran into Mom and Cullen in the parking lot and we went home. Kiwi was there. She was positive from before she even came over. Kiwi and me talked about the asshole men in our lives (Justin and Will) Jen showed up and soon after Kiwi called a taxi and took off. Me and jen went back to my room and got positive ourselves. I asked if she could stay the night but my mom was being a bitch and said no. I walked her down to Cheepskates cause she was going to Nick Hamilton's house. I went home and got online. Monica called my cell and I signed off and she called the house phone. She told me she'd be up soon. Right after her and Cora showed up Mom and Matt took off to a bar so we all got so positive... but they have since left and mine's definalty wearing thin. We were just sitting here listening to music and talking and shit. I tried to call Kyle at Josh's house at midnight but guess what, now Josh's phone has been disconected too. Gah, Grrr, and double ahh surprise!
I hate this shit. I ain't letting him go back there. Not if they don't have a phone somewhere down there so I can just hear his voice. He is my best friend and I need him so much!... anyways... yeah I'm a little pissed off about that but at least he'll be back in my arms soon.
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I love you Kyle.... I need you..... I miss you so goddamn much!

Go to Michaela's blog

Michaela's Blog<--- go to it! I mean it! Go right now!

PMS-ing

My girlfriend is moody. I don’t know what her problem is but I think she may be PMSing or something. Whatever… who cares… I’ll just avoid and ignore her for the rest of the day and see how she likes it.
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Ok so yesterday…. Wow… let’s see what I can actually remember… I was extremely positive last night. I didn’t go to school, I remember that much. I woke up around 1ish and no one was home so I locked the front door and got on the computer. Mom knocked on the door and I had to go unlock it after I had read the first line of Kyle’s blog. That pissed me off. Matt yelled at me that he was getting rid of the computer and shit because I was on it when I’m not suppose to be cause I didn’t go to school. I was like, “All I want to do is read my best friend, who lives all the way in Iowa’s blog so I can know how he is.” I was upset and got dressed and was like “fine I’ll walk to the library, in the rain, and get even sicker, since that’s why I’m home in the first place. Let’s just purposely make me sicker than I already am so that I have to stay home even more because I’m sick.” I kept emphasizing the word sick over and over… class is over gtg.

can't talk much...

I'm not suppose to be on the computer.... but anyways check out my new blog... it's a friendship blog and I sent e-mails to all the people who's e-mail's I had.... to invite them... u should probably join too if you're reading my blog.
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gtg... love you all.... specially Kyle James Sanchez!... 10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1.. I can't wait!
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New Friendship Blog

Michela and Alicia

Michaela…. Ok so my friend Michaela is pretty cool. She’s usually always happy and she’s the perfect person to go to if you need a hug. She’s always in a hugging mood. I met her at the beginning of this school year. I guess she had previously dated Kevin but I never met her them. I met her at the bus stop. She liked Justin way back when and they had a bad experience that I’m not gonna get into details on… but she pretty much screwed up any chance she ever had, had with him. (Kyle – u know) Anyways.. she’s really cool and I just wanted to give her a shout-out. Luv you Michaela!

Alicia… now we gots a lot of history…I met her at the beginning of this school year too. She’s really pretty and cool and I personally (though absolutely no one agrees with me) think she looks like Amy Lee from Evanescence . Anyways… a little before Christmas.. like a couple weeks or so… we started pretending we were dating just to make Justin jealous…it worked… he was lol… when he went back out with her he made her break up with me even though it wasn’t like we were actually going out. Yeah, one time after we had “broken up and gotten back together” he made her break up with me on Christmas day night… that royally sucked and I actually got upset for some dumb reason. I was really vulnerable then and stuff… yeah… I got to sleep over Justin’s that night… it was one of the last times I’ve ever cut a little while after that Justin ran off and made me promise not to anymore. Anyways, me and Lisha don’t talk much anymore and it kinda makes me sad. She’s still fine as all hell lol. Hey Leesh… call me *wink, wink*

Whatever Kyle.... oh & mad at Kevy again!

Grrr …. I’m so tired…. Tomorrow is senior skip day… I wanna do is stay home online and wait to see if Justin signs onto Runescape. Of course them wardens around here would never let that happen so who knows what I’ll be doing. I’ll probably end up going in late like always and being the only lozer senior at school. Whatever who cares… all my friends are Freshman anyways… life sucks… Kevin’s being an ass. I miss Justin and Kyle. I don’t really feel like talking to anyone else right now. Kevin pissed me off so bad today. It was like he took over Justin’s asshole controlling personality and I hated it. He came over and he’s like “Tiffy, I need you to do my laundry so I can go hang out with Lani”… I was like “Um… hello… ask much?” in my head and out loud I said “Have Lani do you’re laundry” and my mom goes “Who do you think you are Justin?” I repeated it cause it was Justinish and he got really pissed off and took his clothes and went home. Jen called and told me she ran into Nick Hamilton and was gonna hang out with him instead of meeting Kevin at school (which he was already home) so I went next door to tell him and he slammed the door on me. I went home and went to my room practically crying because Kevin and me have been getting into so many fight lately…. And he’s one of my best friend… I hate fighting with people that I love… it hurts so much more. Since Kevin moved back we’ve became so much closer and it seems now like we’re falling apart. He said he was having a bad day and wanted to talk to Elena about it. I was like “couldn’t you have talked to me about it?” and he said no, he couldn’t. which makes me feel really bad because he’s one of my best friends and knows a lot about me… maybe not everything but more than a lot of other people. Like certain secrets me and him and Jen share…. Some secrets just me and him share. It just hurts… I guess he doesn’t trust me or something. I really hope he learns to trust me. I’ve gotten a lot better. I mean… I have a secret to keep from even Kyle now… who I hope doesn’t read this because then he will bug me to tell him… which I can’t…. I want to… because I’m extremely happy about it… but… I can’t…. damn it this sux! Anyways… I’ve gotten a lot better at keeping secrets in the past couple months. Right Justin? Jen?…. I want to say Kevin.. but…. Yeah so… it’s late… I’ll leave some quotes now:

“I wish I could tell you everything I said was lies...but they weren't.”

”I’m sorry that I hurt you, I’m sorry that you cried, but think of how much it, hurt me to bring tears to your eyes” (so sorry, u know who u r)

”People always tell me to get over him but maybe I don't want to...
That would be like giving up...He has been in all of my thoughts
& in all of my dreams & people have always said to never give up on your dreams...” (Justin)
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To the people I love…. I hope you don’t forget me when I’m gone…..
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Kyle, Justin, Kevin, Jen, Leola, Kiwi, NaToni, Jami, Alicia, Nick, Brett B, Mary, Michaela, Todd, Travis, David C, Jaylyn, Melissa, Larry, Russell, Jon, Josh, Monica, Cora, Megan, Morgan, James, Doug, Steve, Emily, Lisa, Guido, Karma, KK, Jillian, Ilene, Becca, Erin, Cindy, Bethie, Chris, Lishy, Brett J, JP, Luke, Desiree, Kelci, Joe, Ridge, Scottie, Jesse, Donny, Christina, Crystal, Chad, Angela, Joey, Justin W, … I don’t know I guess that’s it.
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But most of all I love KYLE JAMES SANCHEZ BECAUSE HE IS MY BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD even if he doesn’t write about me on his blog… I still love him to pieces.
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grrr... I won't be on today everyone... I'm staying home from school cause it's Senior skip day and I don't want to be the only lozer senior to go to school so I'm sleeping all day. Have fun without me.... lol.. haha yeah right.
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Oh everybody check out my tripod site.... I updated it.

Damnit!

I know it probably not his fault but... damn that Justin. I should have stayed after school and kept Kevin company in detention. The only reason I didn't was because I wanted to come straight home and get on runescape to talk to Justin but nooooo... he wasn't on. Damn him!
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Anyways... some good news... Kyle's coming home earlier than he was going to before. It's because he's breaking up with his gf, who keeps playing mind games on him. I wanted him to be happy but I also want him up here. Conflicting feelings much... hmmm... well anyways... today was a total wash. I think I caught Kevin's cough. I wonder how?.... lol jk...
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Hey Kyle... how come you never write about me in you're blog anymore?... it makes me sad. I love you.
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Justin, you should update your top secret site... did u forget about it? I know I'm the only one who has the link but I can give it to Kyle and Kevin, so u should update it.
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Jen......
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Me:"Kevy! I love you"
Kevin: "I love me too"
Me: "That's not what you're suppose to say to that"
Kevin: "uh-huh"
Me: "You're suppose to say you love me too"
Kevin: "I love me too"
Me: "Jerk"
Kevin: "I love you too Tiffy"
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Lee... I miss you lots
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Kiwi... hanging out with you again was fun, we got to keep this up.
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Brett... "I'm sorry I peed on ur car".... lol... ur so funny. I miss you
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Nick... LIAR!... I'm not mad this time, though I should be, but hey, now I know all ur secrets hahahahahahah....
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Grrr... sorry to anyone I missed... I got to sign off and go return my job application. Everyone's yelling at me because I don't want to start work today. It's not my fault I hurt so much.
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Luv ya,

Girls eyes only!... well... and Kyle...lol...because I love him!

Ohmygod I hate this. This morning I woke up with terrible menstrual cramps. I felt like my whole body was just gonna collapse if I tried to stand up. God it’s horrible. But at least now I know I’m not pregnant so that’s a good thing. Not that I’ve ever done anything that could get me pregnant or anything… I mean… I’m still a virgin… (hint, hint Justin you can steal it any day now) anyways…. Yeah… so… there’s that. I woke up at 9:50am and everyone was in the living room ready for school and I said I’d get dressed and be ready too but they left without me. Now what am I suppose to do?
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I’ll just wait and hopefully Matt will come back soon. I’m hungry. I hope I get to school before C lunch. I’ll only be going in for one class and in that class people will be doing presentations so it’s not like it’s super important but if I want to use the computer later today then I have to go in. Plus if I want Kevin over… which I’m not sure how much I do. Oh I mean… I love him and all but… I don’t know… killer cramps and all…
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Well I think Matt’s back so I’d better post now…

uh...well...

Today I went to school around 10:30ish and we played omniball.... that was cool. At lunch I sat with the usual lunch 6C lunch crowd except that NaToni joined us, so that was cool. Then I went to Accounting and Emily had boughten her Freshman year (aka Justin's freshman year) yearbook and I looked up Justin's picture... god it was adorable... his hair was curly... absolutely perfect. Not to mention his picture was placed right on top of Travis' picture. God I miss Travis. I was standing in the cafe today and I was like "Wow, I miss Travis." Somebody else I really miss who I never talk about is Jaylyn. I really miss her. She was like my very best friend for 3 years. I miss her. I get to go to her graduation on June 5th in Waterville. Melissa too. I haven't seen her since before Christmas. Damn! My mom saw her the other day and she was driving. I guess she works at Hannaford's in Gardiner now. I miss her too.... I'm just in a lonely mood i guess. Even though my room was standing room only this weekend, I'm still lonely.
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Get this.. over the past couple days I've had Jen, Kevin, Kiwi, Monica, Cora, and NaToni over. Not all at the same time, but still.... why am I still so lonely all the damn time... oh yeah because I'm missing too of the most important people in my life: Kyle and Justin.
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Damn it.... why is everything so goddamn hard?
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Me and Justin's Chat from: 19 Feb 2005
19 Feb 2005

TiffyJean3787 [10:35 PM]: well...
seeker of choas [10:35 PM]: ...
seeker of choas [10:35 PM]: tiff you have nothing to worry about
seeker of choas [10:35 PM]: im still your best friend
seeker of choas [10:35 PM]: but you dissapoint me
TiffyJean3787 [10:35 PM]: what?
seeker of choas [10:36 PM]: your not even close to getting over me :(
TiffyJean3787 [10:36 PM]: lamfo
TiffyJean3787 [10:36 PM]: u thought i was?
seeker of choas [10:36 PM]: ...i dotn know
TiffyJean3787 [10:39 PM]: justin u dont want me to be over you and i know it. You like teasing me and still keeping me on your side fighting for you. You know that if i really get over you, you think you wont get anything anymore, and you know what that's proabaly right. You probably wouldn't get everything you do out of me anymore. You would still be my best friend but it wouldn't be the same. This way is funny
TiffyJean3787 [10:40 PM]: this is kinda down, here i am complaining to you about how mean you are to me
TiffyJean3787 [10:40 PM]: that was supposed to say dumb*
TiffyJean3787 [10:41 PM]: but if your gonna be my best friend u gotta know i complain about you a whole heck of a lot.
TiffyJean3787 [10:42 PM]: but i dont care that ur mean to me, i know its part of who u are. Your family your background. You are who you are and you dont go around liying about yourself to feel cooler.
TiffyJean3787 [10:44 PM]: thats the coolest thing a person could be. You are so cool. Your a little numb sometimes Osama but the bomb threat. That wasnt even cool justin. That used to embarras me that i liked the bomb threat kid but i stopped caring what everyone else though of me. The only person who mattered was you
TiffyJean3787 [10:44 PM]: is you
TiffyJean3787 [10:45 PM]: now that kyle has left me too i have no one
TiffyJean3787 [10:45 PM]: *crying*
TiffyJean3787 [10:46 PM]: Justin?
TiffyJean3787 [10:48 PM]: i just want you to know where you stand in my book. You come before my mom, my siblings, all my other friends except kyle. You too are very much tied. your such total oppesites, even though hes constantly trying to be like you more and more, you guys are so different that if you put both of you together it would make one perfect 10 man!
TiffyJean3787 [10:50 PM]: but just wanted u to see where u stand, your more important to me then anything and if something bad happend to you instead of me i feel so bad that i want to hurt myself over it
seeker of choas [10:51 PM]: .. tiff i cant talk im doing stuff..
TiffyJean3787 [10:51 PM]: i wish this had all happened to me instead of you. i dont want you ever to hurt because when you do you wont let me comfort you, like at all and it makes me sad. I just want to help you so much in any way i could and you dont let me help you
TiffyJean3787 [10:53 PM]: just read it when you get a chance...
i'm just spilling out my heart some more....
and you still dont care....
seeker of choas [10:53 PM]: ...
TiffyJean3787 [10:54 PM]:Do you know how many times i have read your "we cant be friends anymore" note to myself and just cried and cried? Even after we had sorta been ok for a while I still took out that note, read it, and cried every time just to keep myself in place when i get to thinking about you too much
TiffyJean3787 [10:57 PM]: like right now im really high, since i had it all to myself, cause i have no friends and all. So that's why I'm so bad right now and I'm sorry. But I like being this way so I can get out the truth if i was hiding something from you I'd hate myself until I spilled the secret or hurt myself really really bad
TiffyJean3787 [11:02 PM]: im desperate i admit it
TiffyJean3787 [11:03 PM]: if i didnt have friends i would be so dead right now
TiffyJean3787 [11:03 PM]: specially you
TiffyJean3787 [11:03 PM]: i cant get over you justin dont you see
seeker of choas [11:03 PM]: ...
TiffyJean3787 [11:03 PM]: if i give up on you then i give up on me too you have my everything
seeker of choas [11:03 PM]: you are really high
TiffyJean3787 [11:03 PM]: im crying
seeker of choas [11:04 PM]: im sorry
TiffyJean3787 [11:04 PM]: u dont understand
TiffyJean3787 [11:04 PM]: u dont understand me
seeker of choas [11:04 PM]: i guess not
TiffyJean3787 [11:04 PM]: justin
seeker of choas [11:04 PM]: what
seeker of choas [11:04 PM]: hey im doing that quest now..
TiffyJean3787 [11:04 PM]: please come get me tomarrow i dont want to be here alone anymore
TiffyJean3787 [11:04 PM]: cool
seeker of choas [11:05 PM]: ill see what i can do
TiffyJean3787 [11:05 PM]: please
TiffyJean3787 [11:05 PM]: i just want to be with someone
seeker of choas [11:05 PM]: if its snowing then im not going to be able too
TiffyJean3787 [11:05 PM]: anyone
seeker of choas [11:05 PM]: ill try
TiffyJean3787 [11:05 PM]: dont that truck have four wheel drive?
seeker of choas [11:05 PM]: the one we were in but i dont know if we can take that one
TiffyJean3787 [11:06 PM]: oh
TiffyJean3787 [11:06 PM]: i hope so i dont want to be alone anymore since kyles been gone no one comes over anymore
TiffyJean3787 [11:07 PM]: my room is sorta a making out in privacy oppertunity so thats why they come over
TiffyJean3787 [11:07 PM]: oh Jen and Kevin
TiffyJean3787 [11:07 PM]: no one comes over to hang out with me anymore
seeker of choas [11:08 PM]: im sorry..
TiffyJean3787 [11:08 PM]: and i know what ur gonna say "they never did" but Kyle seemed like he really wanted to hang out with me sometimes
TiffyJean3787 [11:08 PM]: i cant stop crying
TiffyJean3787 [11:08 PM]: i really miss Kyle
seeker of choas [11:08 PM]: its gonna be ok
seeker of choas [11:08 PM]: kyles comming back
TiffyJean3787 [11:08 PM]: ive only gotten to talk to him 10 mins in the last 3 days
seeker of choas [11:09 PM]: and hopefully youll come over tommorow
TiffyJean3787 [11:09 PM]: hes not gonna be the same
seeker of choas [11:09 PM]: and you wont be lonely
seeker of choas [11:09 PM]: ...
seeker of choas [11:09 PM]: of course he will
seeker of choas [11:09 PM]: its kyle
TiffyJean3787 [11:09 PM]: do u think im needy cause i dont want u to see me as needy or anything
seeker of choas [11:10 PM]: ..everyone needs someone there...
seeker of choas [11:10 PM]: unless your name is justin tilkins
seeker of choas [11:10 PM]: then you get used to being lonely
seeker of choas [11:10 PM]: and noone there for you
seeker of choas [11:10 PM]: but its not so yes its fine that you miss your friends
TiffyJean3787 [11:11 PM]: its just a lot of shit happened to me today that would never had happened if i had never met u and stuff. but you know what i wouldnt take back knowing you for the world
seeker of choas [11:12 PM]: i know
TiffyJean3787 [11:12 PM]: you really are my best friend even is i am a little obsessive over you
seeker of choas [11:12 PM]: and that cool
seeker of choas [11:12 PM]: ...thats not cool..
seeker of choas [11:12 PM]: ;)
TiffyJean3787 [11:12 PM]: i try to be there for you
TiffyJean3787 [11:12 PM]: i dont try to be
TiffyJean3787 [11:12 PM]: i cant help it
TiffyJean3787 [11:12 PM]: its like part of who i am, i always have been
TiffyJean3787 [11:13 PM]: i used to obssese over dolls and barbies, and my pile of dirt at the beach and stuff
TiffyJean3787 [11:13 PM]: and now thats not so cool
TiffyJean3787 [11:13 PM]: so i obsess over a boy and thats a little more aceppted
TiffyJean3787 [11:13 PM]: though not too much when the boy is you
TiffyJean3787 [11:14 PM]: lol....jk
TiffyJean3787 [11:14 PM]: no im not
TiffyJean3787 [11:14 PM]: lmfao
seeker of choas [11:14 PM]: stoner...
TiffyJean3787 [11:14 PM]: so i dont know
TiffyJean3787 [11:14 PM]: do u hate me
seeker of choas [11:14 PM]: nope
TiffyJean3787 [11:14 PM]: r u just saying that so i dont cut?
seeker of choas [11:15 PM]: nope
seeker of choas [11:15 PM]: you wont cut anyways
TiffyJean3787 [11:15 PM]: perfect!
seeker of choas [11:15 PM]: cause if you did i would hate you...
TiffyJean3787 [11:15 PM]: no u wouldnt
seeker of choas [11:15 PM]: i would be 8 kinds of pissed
TiffyJean3787 [11:15 PM]: ud be really sad that i thought i had to.....lol........
TiffyJean3787 [11:15 PM]: cause your that kind of great guy
seeker of choas [11:16 PM]: ...but all that would be replaced by burning rage...
TiffyJean3787 [11:16 PM]: u know i wont jeez
seeker of choas [11:16 PM]: ok not quite that bad
TiffyJean3787 [11:16 PM]: yeah ok
TiffyJean3787 [11:17 PM]: what would u do hit me again? cause I'm willing to accept that. At least from you. I can deal with it.
seeker of choas [11:17 PM]: when did i hit you?
TiffyJean3787 [11:17 PM]: it didnt hurt that much
seeker of choas [11:17 PM]: your full of shit
TiffyJean3787 [11:17 PM]: about kiwi
seeker of choas [11:17 PM]: i never touched you bitch
seeker of choas [11:17 PM]: ..
seeker of choas [11:17 PM]: huh?
TiffyJean3787 [11:17 PM]: dont be mean
TiffyJean3787 [11:17 PM]: u didnt do anything im lying
TiffyJean3787 [11:17 PM]: whatever
seeker of choas [11:18 PM]: ...
TiffyJean3787 [11:18 PM]: i do not want to fightr with u
seeker of choas [11:18 PM]: i dont know what your talking about
TiffyJean3787 [11:18 PM]: dont fight with me
TiffyJean3787 [11:21 PM]: oh we were talking about how you didnt hit me but it felt like you did when your hand brushed my fase with forse behind it that could kill a baby, or at least it shocked me that much. ANyways we were talking about how if you were that type of stand-up guy I would let you hit me cause... I'm used to it... i'm used to everything you do to me. A lot of it at least
TiffyJean3787 [11:22 PM]: i'm always been talked down to and well if u were this type of guy (hit), and stuff so it's nothing new that I havent delt with before
TiffyJean3787 [11:22 PM]: so i would let you
TiffyJean3787 [11:23 PM]: kyle thinks thats dumb
seeker of choas [11:23 PM]: your dumb.. i dont want to hit you
seeker of choas [11:23 PM]: and if i did before then im sorry
TiffyJean3787 [11:25 PM]: When Andy at the Edge just found out I liked you the other day, he asked me if i want to have kids and i was like yeah and he goes what if he starts hitting the kids and I'm like Justin's not like that. And he's like "you might think the sun rises and sets with Justin then that's your buisness, not everybody wanted to hear about it" and i was only talking to like mary or kiwi one of them
TiffyJean3787 [11:25 PM]: that quote is totally fucked lol
TiffyJean3787 [11:31 PM]: one of the things i used to love you for was u were so good to your friends, at least you always seemed like you were, you always back up your boys and i respect that
seeker of choas [11:32 PM]: lol gangsta.. B
TiffyJean3787 [11:32 PM]: but jeez your never nice to me well sometimes you are but not as much as u are mean
TiffyJean3787 [11:32 PM]: god i wish you were here
TiffyJean3787 [11:32 PM]: i really am like totally lonely
TiffyJean3787 [11:33 PM]: Kevins been gone, then u left, then jen got grounded and i got really depressed and went to school one day in two weeks
TiffyJean3787 [11:33 PM]: then kyle left and i didnt go back to school for two weeks again
TiffyJean3787 [11:34 PM]: i have been probably 10 days total this quarter
TiffyJean3787 [11:34 PM]: i get so depressed with everyone having left me all alone to fend for myself after i gave up all my other friends for you guys
TiffyJean3787 [11:36 PM]: i dont talk to erin or becca or jaylyn or anyone other than you guys and our mutual friends anymore I stopped calling anyone who critized me about what a bad guy you are, im gonna stop going to the edge because Andy and Kiwi will not give up
TiffyJean3787 [11:36 PM]: i cant be around them they dont understand you the way i like to think i do
seeker of choas [11:36 PM]: ...
seeker of choas [11:36 PM]: i think your getting to obsessive tiffy
seeker of choas [11:37 PM]: for fucks sake just chill out a little
TiffyJean3787 [11:37 PM]: why cause i care about you
TiffyJean3787 [11:37 PM]: im sorry
TiffyJean3787 [11:37 PM]: what do u want me to do?
seeker of choas [11:37 PM]: not let me interfer with any of your other friendships
TiffyJean3787 [11:37 PM]: lol... it already happened
TiffyJean3787 [11:38 PM]: and i dont like them anyways
TiffyJean3787 [11:38 PM]: they were all filler friends and best friends until i met you and kyle
TiffyJean3787 [11:38 PM]: filler best friends*
TiffyJean3787 [11:39 PM]: just people i never really cared about but hung out with because i needed someone to play barbies with when i was 8. No one has ever counted to me as much as you do
TiffyJean3787 [11:40 PM]: u and kyle mean so much more than any other people ive ever met in my life you both mean so much more to me than anyone.
TiffyJean3787 [11:43 PM]: choice a: Justin lives, the entire rest of the state of maine die including yourself. choice b: Kyle lives, Iowa dies choice c: Kyle and Justin dies, the rest of the world remains choice d: Kyle and Justin both live and you are the only person to die........ you know what i pick D.
TiffyJean3787 [11:45 PM]: i pick D becuase you and kyle are really the only thing keeping me alive, if you died or kyle died, I'd die inside and go insane and see you guys in hell
TiffyJean3787 [11:45 PM]: but....
seeker of choas [11:45 PM]: well if you picked b me and kyle would be alive
seeker of choas [11:45 PM]: and iowa would die
seeker of choas [11:45 PM]: nobody like that state anywyas
TiffyJean3787 [11:45 PM]: i would rather sacrifice myself
TiffyJean3787 [11:45 PM]: lmfao lmfao
TiffyJean3787 [11:46 PM]: oh gawd i miss you
TiffyJean3787 [11:46 PM]: if i could be hearing u say that it would be so perfect
TiffyJean3787 [11:46 PM]: u r fucking hilarious
TiffyJean3787 [11:47 PM]: what i really want is a cigerette
seeker of choas [11:47 PM]: me too..
TiffyJean3787 [11:48 PM]: ill proably steal some good ones from my mom for us
seeker of choas [11:48 PM]: sweet
TiffyJean3787 [11:48 PM]: u remember when i used to steal them from her to give to u
seeker of choas [11:48 PM]: uh huh
TiffyJean3787 [11:49 PM]: then when we got high that first time you handed me a cigerette and said it increases your high
TiffyJean3787 [11:49 PM]: but i kept forgetting to light it and u ended up doing it for me
TiffyJean3787 [11:49 PM]: well that was when i started smoking
TiffyJean3787 [11:49 PM]: cigerettes
TiffyJean3787 [11:50 PM]: i had tried smoking cigerettes before but never kept up with it for as long as this
TiffyJean3787 [11:50 PM]: i used to be like "I will never kiss a boy who smokes Yuck!"
TiffyJean3787 [11:51 PM]: i dont think i have ever made out with one who doesnt
TiffyJean3787 [11:51 PM]: and most have them had done other drugs too
TiffyJean3787 [11:56 PM]: (edited for content)
TiffyJean3787 [12:03 AM]: im not trying to be a bitch
seeker of choas [12:03 AM]: i know
seeker of choas [12:03 AM]: guess you dont ahve to :p
TiffyJean3787 [12:04 AM]: lol
TiffyJean3787 [12:04 AM]: um... where was i then scare me why dont ya?
seeker of choas [12:05 AM]: its so easy i got to show you im kidding or youll freak out
TiffyJean3787 [12:05 AM]: yeah
TiffyJean3787 [12:05 AM]: because...
TiffyJean3787 [12:05 AM]: wel.....
TiffyJean3787 [12:05 AM]: i cant help it
TiffyJean3787 [12:05 AM]: it hurts so bad to have you mad at me
TiffyJean3787 [12:06 AM]: sometimes i cry so much i start chocking and think im gonna have and overdose of tears of something and drown or get really dehydrated and die
TiffyJean3787 [12:06 AM]: beacause of you

(I lost part of our conversation here - my guess is we were talking about my hair)

TiffyJean3787 [12:32 AM]: y not?
seeker of choas [12:32 AM]: its looks good the way it is
TiffyJean3787 [12:32 AM]: nothing about me looks good
TiffyJean3787 [12:33 AM]: nothing is good enough and not just with you with all guys
TiffyJean3787 [12:33 AM]: even boys as good to girls as Kyle is are still jerks
TiffyJean3787 [12:34 AM]: they still dont want me
TiffyJean3787 [12:40 AM]: Justin?
seeker of choas [12:41 AM]: what
TiffyJean3787 [12:42 AM]: i miss playing runescape
seeker of choas [12:42 AM]: lol i dont im doing it right now :)
TiffyJean3787 [12:43 AM]: yeah i know, u jerk lol
TiffyJean3787 [12:44 AM]: justin if its not snowing so much that i dont get to go down there, then what time do u think ull be here around?
seeker of choas [12:44 AM]: dont know
TiffyJean3787 [12:44 AM]: oh
TiffyJean3787 [12:45 AM]: not even a close guess
seeker of choas [12:45 AM]: nope
TiffyJean3787 [12:45 AM]: darn
TiffyJean3787 [12:47 AM]: well at least remember to call first cause im up pretty late and i will sleep in pretty late and i sleep wering very flimsy nities now figuring no one sees me now. I have no friends waking me up in the middle of the night to go smoke cigerettes with them i have no one coming to wake me up for school and i actually get up
TiffyJean3787 [12:49 AM]: justin u know how i said uve been gone for 27 days so i owe u 27 back massages well it's really been 37 i just looked it up. Oh gawd my arms are gonna be sore.
seeker of choas [1:15 AM]: looks like i have to go
TiffyJean3787 [1:15 AM]: really?
seeker of choas [1:15 AM]: peace out
TiffyJean3787 [1:15 AM]: ok night
TiffyJean3787 [1:15 AM]: call me tomarrow ok
seeker of choas [1:15 AM]: see ya tommorow maybe
seeker of choas [1:15 AM]: k
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That was our chat from so long ago... sometimes he can be so very sweet and sometimes... he tells me everything will be alright and that when I go see him I won't be so lonely anymore... I wish I could go see him tomarrow... god I miss him. He's one of my best friends... I hate my life!

Seeing Justin and he's in trouble

Jen just left, Kevy's with Elena, Justin got caught with a liter at KP and now can't talk on the phone, Brett's busy with babysitting (aw), and Matt won't let me use the cell to try to call Kyle so I'm lonely... Oh and guess what... I knew I shouldn't have gone to see him!... oh and I'm cooking lasagna .
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I went to see Justin yesterday and it was horrible. I knew I shouldnt have gone. It like came back full force when he hugged me goodbye. I was doing good till then. It was so cute.When it was time to leave, his mom and Kevin walked down the ramp and off the poarch and he hugged me. He's like "I really hate this place Tiff," and I told him, "I'd take you with me if I could" He was like hugging me and patting my back for like 5 mins and Kevin's like "awww, Tiffy where's ur camera? I'll take a picture" and I was like, "What of us hugging?" it was funny. Then Rose and Kevin walked off to the car and me and Justin talked a little bit all alone.Then he told me to play Runescape and I said I would. Then I said bye,even though I never wanted to leave him stranded there, and he sighed and said bye too. Then I said I loved him (which I haven't told him in a long time, not even on the phone) and he said, "Uh-huh, I love you too" then he waited a minet or two and said "in a platonic way." Now I miss him like crazy... and he can't answer the phone. I asked what he did and they said they cant give out that information, and he was the highest level yesterday. He cant talk on the phone for a week, his mom came over and told me. Now he'll really hate that place. And he wanted me to sneek him down magik cards.Jeez! Could you imagine him getting caught with those. Anyways his mom wants anyone who will to write him letters because he can still get mail there and shes gonna get an address later tonight. I hope they still let him go on Runescape when hes at school and his blog. He'll probably bitch about not being able to use the phone if that happens. Oh I took some really good pictures of him in a big oversized hat with his hair sticking out just a little bit. Very sexyful.
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Ok so ya wanna know what else we did.... do ya? do ya? do ya?... We went in and got lost trying to find him lol. When we did he gave his mom a hug and Kevin props and me a hug. Then he went to get something from his room. Then he was like "i hate this place" so we left. We got in the car and went to McDonalds. I got a double cheeseburger with no bread. We stood around looking like ideots waiting for our food forever because the boys thought my cheeseburger was a salad and none of us had ordered a salad lol.. I got a green fork - gonna keep it forever as a memory.*sighs*
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The boys acted all dumb and stuff. At one point Justin said a word on the list and his mom tried to kick him but missed so I kicked him and he's like "oh, you missed me mom, but Tiffy got me" lol... Then Kevin kicked him too just because he was the only one who hadn't and Justin's like "Ow"... Rose and I had to use the bathroom so the boys cleaned up and went outside for a cigerette. Kevin had to sneek the whole time cause his mom still doesn't know he smokes lol. When me and Rose got outside we started to get in the car and Justin and Kevin were stupid and started fighting right in the McDonald's parking lot. Their mother told them to stop and yelled at them that they were embarrasing her. Oh yeah I remember now - they were fighting about who got to sit in the front seat of the car. Kevin kinda won... but not really... I don't know but Kev sat in the front and Justin in the back... I always sit in the back since it's not my family... though I wish it was. Rose drove abck to KP and we walked over towards the water to take pictures. The boys wore there hats. I took a piture of Justin with his hat the way he wanted it, then one of Kevin and Justin, Then one of Kevin Justin and their mom, then one of Justin with his hat the way I wanted it. It was so perfect! Then we like went over to where the fishing tournament was going on and saw Keith Tardiff. I waved to him but I don't think he recognized me. Then we walked Justin inside. His roomates name is Kevin. We were gonna try to switch Justin for Kevin and leave him there lol... Bring Justin home with us. But then Jen would have been mad lol. Then Jsutin walked us out and the whole hugging thing happened and we left.
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Well Kevin showed up so we're gonna go get positive in my room... maybe I'll write more laterz. Luv ya.
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I LOVE KYLE JAMES SANCHEZ, JUSTIN DAVID TILKINS, KEVIN ANDREW TILKINS, BRETT BLAKE
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I LOVE JENYFER CLARK, LEOLA MAY COLBY, KEIRA MARIE MCKENNY..... everybody else I love you too.... call me *wink, wink*
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Kevin hates Wal-mart!

Dreams and Being Mad At Kevy

God my eyes hurt.... I had a horrible dream that Rose and Kevin left while I was asleep and I was cryinh andd.... anyways it was bad. Guess I miss him a little more than I want to admit. I did say I don't want to go but, I was just mad. I really do want to go. I do. If Kevin tells his mom that I don't want to go and they leave without me... I will be so upset. Damn, what the hell is my problem.
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Plus I just remembered something.... I'm all kinds of broken out so I don't want Justin to see me really. But then I really want to see him. I want to grab him and hug him and (kiss him) But I'm not gonna. I wonder if he's even noticed that I don't say "I love you" to him anymore.... *tears*... I bet he's happy... It just makes me hurt
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I miss him.
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DAMNIT.... he still has power over me.
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Yesterday at the Skate park I got really mad at Kevin because Justin called my cell and all he wanted to do was talk to Kevin. Kevin kept talking and talking... and that stupid thing is so expensive. I don't even like talking on it myself. It costs so much money to have that thing work and once I run out of minuets, that's it.... I have no money whatsoever to buy another card to have any more mintuets. It just really pisses me off that Kevy seemed to have no respect for my money. I personally think that he thinks he can control me. I am weak and giving yes, but does that mean that he has to use me. He thinks because he's a guy and ... well... some other stuff.... that he can control me. That just because I love him so much that he can tell me what to do and I will just accept it because that's the way I am. I do that to Justin and I hate myself for it. I don't want to do it for Kevin too. Kevin does somewhat have control of me but I don't want him to take advantage of his power and I think he tried to yesterday.
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I felt really bad though cause when I told him I think he did what he did because he's a guy and guys are assholes and stuff... he's all like "you're calling me sexist?" and I'm like "yeah" and he got all kinds of pissed but I felt I was right. I still do. He was like punching signs and a phone pole and things.... I felt really bad. I guess he got a cut on his hand... Kevin always acts like he doesn't even care wheather we're friends or not and then he got so upset...
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Last night we were talking about butts and me and Kiwi both grabbed his butt lol and he's like "Tiffy, did you just grab my ass" and I'm like "Yeah" and he's like "That offically mean you're not mad at me anymore" and I'm like "I'm still mad at you, just not when I'm like this"... I got positive with Jen and Monica. So we put off our anger for the night and I get to be angry at him today instead.... ok I have less than an hour left to sleep before I have to get up and get ready to go see Justin so I must sign off and sleep, take a shower, get dressed, coat on my cover-up, blah, blah, blah....
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Nighterz... luv ya'll

Kyle

Damn that Kyle…. He posted and I checked his blog ten mins later but he hasn’t written me back yet and I’m actually going to my Art class today so I won’t be in the library on the computer next period to see if he writes back…. Goddamn it! I won’t be able to check till I get home… god I hope he’s at Josh’s this weekend
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… and all I wanna hear is you’re voice…. So fallow, the leader down, just swallow ur pride and drown, when there's no place left to go.... baby that's when you will know...
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I decided to hang out in the library after all... sorry Erin... Nick showed up in the library and I haven't seen him in forever so I decided to stay after all... it sucks that I'm gonna miss Erin's presentation but I've seen almost all the pics on DevaintART anyways.... sorry Erin!
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Oh yeah I get to go to Jaylyn's graduation on June 5th! -- *tears* my friends are graduating without me.
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Rene just told me to "Go to hell!".... lol.... ReneReneReneReneReneReneReneReneReneRene... ha ha ha ha ha...
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Well then... I don't know what to type now... maybe I should get all Jen's blogs together to print out now... maybe I'll write more after school since I did go to school today after all... but of course I have a bunch of crap to do after school lets out.
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Friday -
#1 - go to school (check)
#2- meeting about the skate park
#3 - go to skate park with Kiwi
#4- home with Kiwi, Jen, Kevin, and Elena?
#5 - make Justin's cd
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Saturday -
#1 - go see Justin (maybe)
#2 - get positive with Kevin and my brother
#3 - go through my fashion binder, taking out anything old and stupid
#4 - CALL KYLE!
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Sunday -
#1 - practice making Penut Butter cookies for Foods class demo
#2 - Life As We Know It marathon with Kevin
#3 - Do accounting work
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All weekend:
write in blog
make calls to Justin
take showers
keep room clean
don't mess up diet
listen to Kyle Memories CD
Play Runescape for Justin
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Sometime this weekend:
Make Jen's CD
Make Kevin's CD
Feed Leola's Neopets
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Feel free to call anyone... u know my number or ur not important enough to have it so you suck....
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Everyone else I love you lots... leave me a comment if you love me to.. or in Justin's case if you "platonicall, like me a lot"... lol... Luv yas

*Smoke a smoke, not a butt, fuck a virgin, not a slut! <--- I'm a virgin *wink, wink*

Josh e-mailed these to me... I like them.. so I'm posting them:

*I like your style
I like your class
But most of all I like your ASS!!!!

*I’m a cookie gurl in a kool town,
It takes a real mother fucker to put me down

*Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Gurls get all the pain,
The guy says i love you
You believe its true,
But when your tummy starts to swell.
He says "hell with you"
10 minutes of pleasure
9months in pain
3days in the hospital
A baby without a name
The baby is a bastard,
The mother is a whore
This never would have happened
If the rubber wouldn’t have torn!!!!!

*Kissing is fun
Sex is a shame
Guys have the fun
Gurls get the blame
1 nite of loving
9 months of pain
3 days in the hospital
Without knowing Ur babies name
Guys say Ur fine
But when u say ur pregnant
They say:
shit it ain’t mine!

*Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks

*Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a Slut!


*Sex is bad,
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in.

*Holy mother full of grace
Bless my boyfriends gorgeous face,
Bless his hair that tends to curl
Keep him safe from all the gurls
Bless his arms that are so strong
Keep his hands where they belong
Bless his dick that one I sucked
Bless the bed in which we fucked
And if my mom happened to walk in
Bless the shit I’d be in!

*Sex is when a guys communication
Enters a Gurls information
To increase the population
For a younger generation
Do you get the information….
Or do you need a demonstration

*Men are like public toilets
They are either engaged or full of shit!!!!

*If guys had there periods
They would compare the size of their tampons!

*Mental anxiety,
Mental breakdowns,
Menstrual cramps,
Menopause…
Did you ever notice how all our problems begin with MEN

*Roses are red,
Violets are corny,
When I think of you,
Ooooooooo BABY! I get horny,
Eat me
Beat me
Bite me
Blow me
Suck me
Fuck me
Very slowly,
If you kiss me don’t be sassy,
Use your tongue and make it NASTY!!!!!!!!

*Roses are red, violets are blue…
I’m in love but not with you
When we broke up you thought I cried
But all it was..
Was another guy,
You told your friends that I was a trick,
I told mine that you had a weak dick,,
I said I loved you
And u thought it was true,
But guess what baby?! You got played TOO!!!

*Guys are like parking stops,
The good ones are always taken,
And the ones that are available,
Are either handicapped or too far away!

Yay Yay and Tripple Yay Surprise lol

Hey all my adoring fans who never comment but I know you're out there lol.... Guess what.... I got somebody to start a blog... you'll never guess who...... JUSTIN!
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Finally that kid took a hint and started one... grrr I only told him to like a thousand and 2 times.... lol... now he can keep in contact with all of us. Yay!
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Even if I am getting over him (slowly but surely) It's still great to hear from him from time to time. He is one of my best friends ya know.
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Oh crap! wasn't I gonna not mention his name for a while. Oh well.... he's one of my best friends so I'm gonna say his name all I want.
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This is the most important thing that happened to me today....
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Other than the Justin thing.... Kevin woke me up late for school this morning but all we missed was homeroom. Matt gave us a ride. English was ok... me and Lisa had an interesting discussion about how we used to make play-dough pies and eat them lol... Now I don't remember this but she does.... we were talking about her old house and how we've been friends for like... ever!
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Damn homie... in high school you was the man homie.... lol....
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Then I had computer and I checked Kyle's blog but he hasn't updated yet *tears* There was a fire drill in the middle of class... why am I always there for the fire drills? Why can't they do those on a day I'm home asleep?
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Then I had Art but of course I skipped... I went to the library and finished typing my letter to Justin... which I ahve to change all around now because he made a blog already and most of the letter is .... "Hey, make a blog" lol...
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Then I went to lunch with Jen and Kevin and I walked to the other side of the cafe and got attacked with by dumb people... with dumb questions... lozers!
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Then I had Foods and fell asleep during some kids presentation lol... but I got to eat tacos... yummy....
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I went home on the bus with Kevy and he went to Wal-Mart to get my pictures while I went to night school and that's where I am now... bored out of my mind!.... But the good thing is, I have a computer here to keep me busy.....
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Guess that's it for now..... when I get home I'm stealing the computer away from who ever's on it and posting my new pictures. Yay Yay fun fun... now I'll haev pics of myself online so Josh can see what I look like....talk to ya'll later (as NaToni would say).... Much love from the underground lol....byes
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Oh god it's 4:21... do you know where your stash is?

so tired

Typed up my poem I wrote last night.... it's about Kyle.... he was suppose to be here in 12 days but it looks like he's gonna be late... god I need him back so bad....anyways here's the poem:

Kyle

Sitting here staring at your picture
I can’t help but remember
All the times you’ve been there for me
All the way I love you

Your not only my best friend
But my confidant
The one I trust more than anything
Or in that case anyone

I need you here holding me
So I can cry to you
So I can let it all out
You’re the only one I’m comfortable with

Tell me you miss me and love me
As much as I love you
Because living without you
Causes me so much heartache

I can’t stand it for another day
I need you here
I need you back
I miss you
I love you!

Well... this sucks....

Today my mom and Matt got in a huge fight so he's moving out... the only problem with this is... well.. he's taking the computer, and he won't give me rides anymore and he wont let me use his cell phones anymore so I won't be able to talk to Kyle... and there won't be any um... positive.... lying around anymore so it will be hard to get positive... damn! Ok so I don't like the guy, never have, but I liked the money factor and shit... this sux....
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Rose just came over... I guess we're gonna try to go see Justin on Saturday around 11 yay!---- I can be excited even if I am pushing myself away from him he's still one of my best friends... I can be excited!
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Oh gawd... I have to take everything from my files and put them online... maybe I'll type more laterz

I like this whole profiling a different one of my friends thing...

yeah... I really do... tomarrow I think I'll write about Brett and Leola and Kiwi... they need mentions.... but for now I'm done with this.... I'm gonna work on my tripod site for a bit... see ya'll laterz
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I LOVE YOU KYLE JAMES SANCHEZ!
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JUSTIN DAVID TILKINS
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KEVIN ANDREW TILKINS
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LEOLA MAY COLBY
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JENYFER CLARK
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NATONI RENEE SAPP
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JAMI BALLARD
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BRETT BLAKE
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KERIA MARIE MCKENNEY
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ALICIA ST. PIERRE
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NICK HODGE
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JAMES ANDREW TILKINS... EVIE AND JUNIOR TOO (NOT BORN YET)
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ROSIE....
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GOD I JUST LOVE EVERYONE HUH?
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Oh wait... my day... it was great... I don't know why... but I had an "amazing" day...lol.... I finished my English paper and handed it in.... I get to smoke up with Kevin later... hmm???.... Kyle wrote to me on his blog and that cheered me up a lot... I don't know... today was just a good day... I hope nothing happens to ruin it... maybe I should play it safe and not call Justin tonight... but then again he could make my day 1000X better depending on his mood... hmmm... I'll think about it and get back to you laterz... oh I passed my night school speech class with a 90! Woot Woot go me!

Jimmy

Jimmy just so happens to be the best stuffed panda bear in the whole wide world!... a certain someone who I'm not mentioning gave him to me... that's why it's so special... we had a joke going that (the someone) was his father and had sex with a panda and had a baby and I adopted it and his name is James Andrew Tilkins.... Jimmy for short. The certain someone is obbsessed with the name Jimmy. One day while waiting for the certain someone to show up at Drug court me and my cousin Leola walked up to Goodwill and I stole a little outfit for him that said "If you think I'm cute, you should see my daddy"... when the certain someone saw it he's like "I'm his daddy!"... that was cute.... I miss the certain someone who's name I'm not mentioning.... sadness*

Jami

ok.. another profile of a friend who I don't talk enough about...
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Jami Ballard... I have known this girl for like - ever. When I was little, say 6 or 7 our family moved onto Kendall st on Sand Hill and her family lived on Jefferson st... she must have been a baby then but that's how long I've known her. Her family and my family didn't always get along but it's ok now cause we're cool. I even fake dated her at the beginning of the year. Also she went to church with me for like 6 years... so we got to be friends through that. She dated Kyle like 5 or 6 times that was a on-off relationship that was just never meant to be... but at least he was somewhat happy while he was with her. Then she dated the not-mentioning boy too. He got really mad at me once while they were dating and she made him write me a note and apoligize. See, she's good like that. Oh and also she dated my friend Luke from New York... that was the most screwed up relationship ever lol. *Princess Leia* I think it was lol... we haven;t hung out in a while but I still love her. She's so adorable with all her little freckles lol...
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Anyways... check out her journal

NaToni

So I guess I don't talk enough about certain people in my blogs and I talk about other people (bet you can't guess who) a little too much... so this is my entry dedicated to one of the least talked about people in my blog....
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NaToni.... ok... so my girl NaToni right? She's cute and short and comes to us from Texas. She still has a thick Texan accent so when she heads down there on the 6th she'll feel right at home. I met her because she was dating a certain someone who I'm trying not to mention.... guess?... anyways when I first met her I thought her name was Tonya... I had never met anyone with the name NaToni.... to tell the truth I kinda hated her at first, and don't worry she knows that. I was just jealous because she had something I wanted (him) and I couldn't have him... but whatever... like I said in a previous entry... I am making myself move on... there are plenty of other boys.... boys that go to a regular school and have cars and jobs and not so many problems.... anyways back to NaToni... we're all good now.. she's one of the best... she's so cute and lovable... I can see why he liked her so much.
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Oh yeah and she's obssesed with ducks lol.
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and her punk-ass ex boyfriend needs to get a life and stop messing with hers....
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I love you NaToni!

NaToni's Blog

87 Kyle

Kyle... guess what... when u sign in you can search for a specific word in all ur blog entries and I searched ur name and I have 87 entries that mention you. Don't you feel special? I love you so much... now I'm gonna search Justin's name... I'll post those results later....


.... the results are in 127.... 40 more than you Kyle... hmmm.... guess I gotta stop talking about him till you catch up lol.... love you more than him anyways...

now I'm gonna search for Jen's name.... 64! Wow she need to catch up a lot too... but then again I haven't known her as long as I've known you or Justin....
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Time to check for Brett 24 Kevin 60 Nick(either my bro or Hodge) 33 Lee 27 Kiwi 36 Alicia 24 NaToni 13 Jimmy 7 Jami 15..... hmmmm.....
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My poor Jimmy doesn't get talked about enough at all.... Damn!... gotta post something new now

I'm giving up, on everything because you messed me up, don't know how much you screwed it up, you never listened, that's just too bad....

Anyone know what song that is?
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... because I'm moving on, I won't forget you were the one that was wrong,I know I need to step up and be strong, don't patronize me yeah yeah yeah yeah.... (how I feel)
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Grrr.. damn Justin.. never calls me... didn't even e-mail me like he said he would... wells screw him... I don't need him... I'm forcing myself (starting last night) to get over him. Not that I won't still love him. We've been through so much together that I will always love him... but... I'm moving on as of now!
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He's worth it, just not that worth it.
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God What Have I Got Myself Into?

Posted to a cutting message board:

I used to cut... I quit when one of my very best friends sat me down and talked to me and asked me to stop. I've only done it once since then... for me I did it because I didn't want to show my weaknesses. It was either cut or cry and I couldn't bring myself to cry... it hurt worse to cry out loud then to cut my wrist silently... wow... I'm starting to tear up even as I type this. I wanted to keep the feelings bottled up.... it's usually different for everyone... but yeah... before i thought my tear ducts had dried up... and now I cry almost every single day... the same problems that made me cut before still hurt me to this day.. I just know I can't break my promise... because that will hurt even more.

Thinking to myself.....

I think I may hate him..... check this shit out. Click! .... He did not e-mail... he did not call me.... the only way I knew he had updated his site at all was cause NaToni told me. He e-mailed her.... grrr... I think I may hate him!
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At least I got to talk to Kyle this weekend.... who needs Justin when I have Kyle??.
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I hate it here... I want to go to Iowa to be with Kyle... no offence but he is more important than anyone else... I could give up everyone else for him.. it's do-able.
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God Justin is an asshole!.... I'm never happy!

Let's see if this works......

long and cumpulsive survey about your boyfriend
Created by ranchdressing and taken 473 times on bzoink!
i have a boyfriend hows about you?	no
oh really? you know lieing is a sin
damn sinner... lol jp well as i was saying
how did you two love birds meet?	at the edge or kyles
aww thats so cute... [cough]
and you're together how long now?	we're not
so that means your anniversary is when?	March 5th is the anniversary of when I fell in love with him
oh cool my b/fs and mine is feburary 3rd!!
okay so you guys are together, please tell me you arent prude!!!	i wouldn't be
do you hold hands?	no
aint it cute how perfectly they fit??	sure
so im guessing youve kissed, please tell me you two have kissed!!!	no comment
dont make me come slap you.. oops i didnt just say that
so what was you guys' first kiss like???	no comment
aww... andy and mine was on valentines day, 2nd date. perfect
has your boyfriend given you a hickey?	no
dont they feel so funny?	no
has he given you one?	no
now dont lie, but have u gotten down his pants??	no comment... I wish
you slut you should be ashamed!!.. jp there again.. well ne ways...
on a scale 1-10 how great of a kisser is he 10 being the best	bad from what I've heard
now things are gettin juicy
do love songs make sence to you?	yea
i know they are corny, but they describe exactly everything!!
does your boy friend play guitar	he tried learning
ha ha mine does!
if he did/does would that so totally improve his chances of gettin laid?	no
omg i almost forget the most important question!! do you love him or what??	yes
do you want to marry him?	yes
how about spend every night in his arms	yes
how about grow old together [ remember theres no escape from wrinkles]	yes
do you have your weddin all dreamed up?	yep
what song would you dance to as the new mrs whatever?	i dont know either
personally i dont know what song i want yet.
would you have a big or small wedding?	small
im gettin really off topic now, so back to your luva
do you smile just thinking about him?	yes
do you think hes a hottie?	yes
he better be hott cuz u love him not love him cuz hes hott. lol
okay so when was the last time you talked to him on teh phone?	tuesday
did you use baby talk lol	no
my b/f gets soo annoyed when i do!
did he tell you he loved you?	sometimes
you said it back right?	yea
and u ment it i presume?	yea
would you cry if you tow love birds broke up?	we're not together... it sux
would you cry in his arms happily if u got back together?	yea... if we ever got together in the first place
i think you were lieing back there, now really how good of a kisser is he?	I said no comment!
does size really matter?	no
so really how big is it?	um.... how should I know
liar!!!!!
do you think you two are just the cutiest cupple?	we're not a couple!
well your not cuz andy adn i are!!
what about him sets him apart from all other guys?	i love him
does he wear boxers or briefs?	boxers.... usually Sponge Bob ones lol
you know u can tell alot about a guy just seeing his undies
do you two have a song? what is it?	Scars by Papa Roach
describe your lover in 10 words
10	cool
9	smart
8	funny
7	hott
6	stupid
5	insecure
4	tough
3	strong
2	independant
1	fun
give 9 reasons why you love him
9	I love the way he stands up for his friends against anyone
8	The way I have wait on him hand and foot
7	The way he twirls his hair when he's bored or thinking
6	He's on the same level as me economically, emotionally, and spiritually
5	His voice and the way he calls me "Tiffy" (He was the first to do that)
4	I like it when he gets all quiet and trance-like thinking about something
3	He's really smart, he could be anything he wants to be if he could stop getting into trouble
2	When he gets angry he turns red
1	He's really protective of me and everyone else, when I'm around him he makes me feel safe
8 things that remind you of him
8	his house
7	my house
6	the edge
5	the rock
4	the church
3	Kyle's old house
2	his old house
1	the library
7 more reasons why you love him
7	The way his eyes get big when he's concerned about me and he asks whats wrong
6	He gets frustrated really easilly but he still keeps trying to make me understand
5	How he can think so far into the future when I can barely see to tomarrow
4	The way he dances
3	He's one of my bestest friends and I trust him soooo much!
2	He's sometimes knows what I'm thinking without me saying anything
1	We're both afraid of drowning and heights
6 places you would like to go on your honey moon
6	hawaii
5	england
4	florida
3	New York City
2	Cali
1	Iowa!
5 sweet things he has told you
5	he loves me
4	I'm beautiful
3	a'ight
2	he misses me
1	he appreciates me
4 of the most memorable kisses
4	--------
3	--------
2	--------
1	-----------
3 things you cant stand about him
3	He calls me a cock-block and obbsessive
2	He talks really bad about his ex's and any girls that have ever done anything with him
1	He egotistical, self-centered,and conceited
2 of your most favorite dates
2	-----------
1	we went to see Hitch but it wasn't really a date....
1 rock will cost him... lol
$	huh?
so any ways what is your boyfriends name?	not my boyfriend... but the one I had in mind was Justin
and hes how old?	16
yeah, and thats how big of an age difference from you?	2 years
would your parents approve that?	yea
okay so your an honest person, right?	yea
so have you ever cheated on him?	um.... we're not dating... but if we had been dating... then yes I would have been cheating on him... a lot
has he cheated on you?	um... he would be
better not have
do you think he would?	yea
do you get jealous when he talks to other girls?	depends... if it's Jessi
can you tell him any thing?	mostly
i mean any thing?	i said mostly
does he freak when he finds your tampons?	no
so whos the smarter one of the 2?	him
would he freak if you told him you were bi?	lol.... he would like it... I do tell him I am... just because I know he'd like it.... it's not true though lol
mine did...
so do you like his parents?	love his mom, hate his step-dad
and he likes yours?	he calls my mom "mommy"
yeah right!!!!
okay here's a hard one whats his favorite color?	red and black
ha ha
whats the best thing hes ever given you [not sexually]	Jimmy!
do you have pet names for eachother	he calls me Tiffy... and I call him Justin... so .... not really
andy and i jsut use baby
have u recently had ne dreams wiht u two gettin it on?? lol	yea lol
do you think about him when you masterbate	ewwww.....
and dont say u dont masterbate...
so have you two ever gotten in a fight?	yes all the time
have u bitch slapped him? ha ha	maybe once... and he went and punched his wall
so do you still love him?	yes
when was the last time u two kissed?	------
did he break your virginity?	no.... but I want him to
that ass hole! lol
does he give u foot massages?	no, but he does have a foot fetish lol
i could really go for one of those about now....
name 5 guys hes better than
5	Chad H.
4	Jon P.
3	Justin D.
2	Chris B.
1	James L.
whats your b/fs favorite food?	pizza pockets
do you ever get the fealing that he may be gay? lol	no way!
so are you gonna call him when your dont with this survey?	when I'm done u mean?
what the longest time you 2 went with out speaking?	2 weeks
wowwie!!!
well what ever im done!!!!
Create a Survey Search Surveys Go to bzoink!

How Well Do you Know Your Boyfriend
Created by BradsBabYGurL14 and taken 261 times on bzoink!
Whats your Boyfriends Name?	Justin David Tilkins
What's His Date Of Birth?	September 14th 1988
Whats's His Parents Names?	Rose Weaver.... and he doesn't know his dad
Whats his Favorite Food?	Pizza pockets
What's his Favorite Colors?	Black and Red
What's his favorite thing to do?	play video games
What's His Nick Name?	Justy ( lil bros and sis)
Where Does He Live?	time being at Kids Peace in Ellsworth
Whats His Pets name?	Franklin (family dog)
How Many Siblings does he have?	3 younger brothers and a younger sister
What color is his eyes?	blue
What color is his hair?	dirty blondish
Whats his Zodiac sign?	Virgo
Whats his Siblings names?	Kevin, Jacob, Julie, Caleb
How Long have you two been together?	we're not.......:(
Create a Survey Search Surveys Go to bzoink!

Super Long Survery About You, Friends, and Boyfriends!
Created by xsickofme and taken 1276 times on bzoink!
x - You - x
Name	Tiffany Jean Penney
Age	18
Hair Color	dyed blond with dark brown roots
Height	5'6 1/2
x - Friends - x
Whos your best friend?	Kyle James Sanchez
How long have you know your best friend?	2 and a half years
Who's your funniest friend?	Kyle
Loudest?	Kyle
Druggie?	Brett
Most Rebellious	Justin
Prettiest	Jen
Hottest	Justin
Sweetest	Kyle
Stupidest	Brett
Funniest	I said Kyle!
Most Trustworthy	Kyle
Dependable	Kyle
Weirdest	Kevin
Most Outgoing	Alica
Most Annoying	none of them
Best For Advice	Jen
Most Athletic	Justin maybe...?
Sluttiest	Monica... girl u know u r
Which one of your friends will lose there virginity before marriage?	a lot of them already have
Do any of your friends do drugs?	yea lots of em...
Do any of your friends drink and smoke?	yea
Have you ever had a crush on any of your friends?	oh yea
Do you wish you looked like one of your friends?	yes
Did you ever wonder what it would be like to be one of your friends?	yep
What friend do you hang out with the most?	Jen and Kevin equally
Who's the most fun to be around?	Jen
Are any of your friends Bi/Gay/Lesbian?	yea lots
Do you have sexual fantasys about one or some of your friends?	lo... yes *blushes*
Do you talk to your friends a lot?	yea
Who do you get in arguments the most with?	Justin
Who do you sometimes just want to choke homer simpson style?	Justin lol
Are any of your friend obsessive?	no.. I am!
Do you get weird nicknames from your friends?	Tiffles....
x - Music - x
What kind of music do you listen to?	Punk
Who's your favorite rapper?	Eminem
Who's your favorite singer?	Amy Lee
Who's your favorite band?	Good Charlotte
Who's your favorite group?	um... tATu
Do you have pictures on your wall of your favorite band/group/singer etc?	yeah
Have you ever seen you favorite band/group/singer in concert?	not my fav but I saw SOTY
How many shows have you attended?	oh god a lot... I used to work at a concert venue
Did the show you go to have a huge crazy pit?	lots have had them
Did you go in the huge crazy pit?	no but at the SOTY one I got pushed back from one
Have you ever been to a skank pit?	nope
If so, Can you skank?	i dont know what that is...
Do you listen to Ska Punk music?	sometimes
Do you listen to REAL Punk music?	yes... Rancid
Do you listen to pop music?	yea
How about rap?	sometimes
R&B?	sometimes
Do you think Good Charlotte are posers?	no
How about Avril Lavigne?	nope
Have you ever went to the Warped Tour?	I wish!
What music video can you watch over and over?	Closer by NIN
What music video do you hate and wish it would die?	anything Usher
Whats your take on Britany Spears?	she's ok.. I like the old stuff better
Could you live without music?	no way in hell!
x - Relationships / Love <3 - x
How you ever been in love?	yes 3 times now
Ever been dumped?	yes
Have you ever dumped someone?	i dont think so
Would you rather be dumped, or dump someone?	be dumped
Do you currently have a boyfriend/girlfriend?	I have a girlfriend lol....
If no, how about a Crush?	yea
Does this person know you have a crush on them?	oh yea
Have you ever loved someone so much, it made you cry?	yes... Justin
How many boyfriend/girlfriends have you had in the past?	4 BFs 2 GFs
Have you ever cheated on someone?	yes
Have you been cheated on?	um... I don't think so
Have you ever made out with someone?	hell yes
Are you prude?	no way
Who do you like better, the younger ones, or the older?	younger
Are you still a virgin?	yes... I know... it's sad
Who the best boyfriend/girlfriend you ever dated?	Jen... lol... I guess....(just a joke gf)
Do you like making the first move?	yes
Do you find it weird if the girl asks the guy out?	no way
Does apperance matter to you?	somewhat
How about there social status?	not really if I like them enough
What do you look for in a person?	honesty mostly
Do you like them skinny or fat?	doesnt matter to me
How much do you think about the one you love?	all the time... and it hurts
When was your first kiss, and who was it?!	first real kiss was when I was 14 to Steven Larrabee
- x Random x -
Are you smart?	not really
Are you stupid?	no
Do you think of what its like to do drugs?	I do drugs lol
Does suicide run through your mind a couple times a day?	not anymore
Do you cut yourself?	I used to
What song do you listen to almost everyday?	Going Crazy by Natalie... now I'm gonna put it on.. thanx for the reminder
What song makes you think of someone you love?	too many
Are you emo?	somewhat
Are you preppy?	no
Slutty?	somewhat
Punk?	somewhat
Gangster?	no
Asian?	no
Puerto Rican?	no
Would you use condoms or no?	Justin - no because he doesn't like the feel... anyone else - definatly
Are againest or for abortions?	pro-choice
Do you know who the Ramones are?	hell yes
Would you jump off a bridge if your friend did?	maybe
Do you eat carrots?	yea
Do you wear glasses?	yea
Do you have braces?	did
Are you considered a nerd at school?	no
Do you have a good amount of friends?	yea
Out of all your friends, who could you live without?	I don't know
Who could you NOT live without?	Kyle, Lee, Justin, Jen, Kevin, Kiwi,....
Math Or Science?	neither ahhh get it away
Do you read magazines while doing number 2?	what?
Final: Are you bored out of your mind?	yes
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