I Just Don't Get It...

really don't... I mean... he said I was his best friend too.... and now he's deleted me... and Nick too... and Bobby.... why? I mean... I don't understand what I did... and I know if I call and ask he'll flip ot and say I'm stalking him... I just dont know... in Harriette The Spy Golly says... "Good friends are one of life's blessings. Don't give them up without a fight. "... He was my best friend... more than Kyle even... and then he just drops me... because of some girl... who yea.. I get it that he really likes her.. and that sex and romantic love is more important to people in the long run but... I've always been there for him... and he was always there for me... and now... nothing.... I don't wanna give him up.... and now I'm sitting here at the library crying... in public... because of some stupid guy.... some stupid guy who meant the world to me as a friend and I apparently mean nothing to him.... I hate my life so much... I always make the wrong decisions and stay loyal to the people who just dont give a fuck about me when there are people who do care about me... and I just blow them off entirely... but I guess this is what I deserve for all that... The love of my life locked up and me all alone with no man, no best friend, and no hope of ever getting anything back... I want to be back at my apartment last year.. the week before my birthday... Kev came to visit... he was so excited... we hadnt seen each other in like a year... and he missed me... and he still loved me... or maybe he was lying then too... I dont know... fuck it... stop living in the past when theres nothign you can do about it right?... right?... right?... So why are the tears still flowing????? So much for best friends... nothing last forever... I guess this is the ending of an era... I lost Kyle, Justin, Brett, and now I've finally lost Kevin... I just wish my heart didn't recognize the loss so much...