Kyle

I finally got to talk to Kyle on the phone... he's suppose to be signing online too but he hasn't yet and I keep drifting off to sleep.
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Today was pretty much boring... We had an Edge meeting at the Families First place and the rumage sale was pushed back a week.
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Guess that's it for now... I'm too tired to deal.

hungry

I am so hungry...... I went to bed around 4 this morning and Kevin woke me up so I did actually make it to school on time. I didn't grab anything to eat this morning before we left so now I'm really really hungry - I'm in computer class lol.... if I get caught doing this I'll get in a whole lotta trouble so I'm gonna go now.... WML...
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New Poems....
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To Kyle:
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Best Friend

Brown eyes
Best friend
Always listening
Best friend

Want to be near you
Best friend
Can’t live without you
Best friend

I miss you so much
Best friend
Want you to hold me
Best friend

Just want you near me
Best friend
Always forever
My best friend

To Jen:
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I Can’t Help It, I Do

I like him
I can’t help it, I do
I don’t want to hurt you
My best girl friend too

You know you’re the best
And I love you so much
It’s not my fault, I like him
I can’t help it, I do

He is just so fine
That I want him to be mine
Don’t be mad at me
I can’t help it, I do

We’ve tried to keep everything a secret
We weren’t suppose to like it
I don’t know his feelings but I like him
I can’t help it, I do

You’re still my best girl
And he’s still your man
I feel left out and I like him
I can’t help it, I do

What is wrong with me?

To Kevin:
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Never Really Liked You

I never really liked you
So why does this hurt so much

Dating my girl
I still want you for myself

I am so greedy
This I know
But I still want you
For reasons I do not know

We got so close
Day after day
And now we’re so far
Even though you’re only a few steps away

I never really liked you
So why does this hurt so much

To Brett:
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Saw You Again

I missed you so much
But I saw you again
It’s been so long
And I saw you again

You were one of my best friends
And you stopped coming around
I missed you so much
And I saw you again

I want to hold you
In my arms real tight
Not letting go for a very long time
And I saw you again

Please don’t do this
Disappear again
I love you so much
And I saw you again

I miss you when you’re gone
I hate you while you’re here
I love you so much
And I saw you again

Don’t disappear
I love you
One of my best friends

I’ll see you again

Yay Yay Yay!!!!

The phone's been hooked back up so now I can post from home again. Yay. Which also means that I can finally check my e-mail because I can't do that at school..... I took a quiz online
"Are you Obbsessed?".... I bet you don't know the results......
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Your obsession might be mistaken for a DISEASE! You are seriously obsessed and want to marry this dude! Don't worry...time can cure your disease but until then you can be as obsessed as you want. After all, obsessions are entertaining. You probably already share your obsession with your friends and family. That's a good way to let your feelings out but don't annoy them too much...or the disease may become fatal...just kidding! But if you have been known to say his name over and over again in your sleep, it's time to partly drain your brain of this guy - don't let him take over your life.
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Ok so now that I got that over with..... the last time I posted was yesterday morning from the computer lad 2nd period. After that class got out I went up to Freshman Academy and saw Jen and Michela and Chris and Kevin. Then i went to math class. When I got there I needed something to write with so I reached in to grab my blue markerish pen I stole from Stacey's (When me and Jen almost got caught) and it wasn't there. Then I rememebed I left it, along with my diary, in the computer lab! I jumped up, said "I'll be right back" and ran all the way to the new building through the catwalk and all the way to the back of the computer lab and got my diary. I was so relieved that there wasn't a lot of kids in there. I walked myself back to Math class and put my diary on the desk in front o me. NaToni goes, "Can I read it?" and I go "No, it has every dirty thing I've ever done written in it" and so she went on to write me a list of every guy she's ever been with and what she's done with each of them... at the end she wrote 'So who's the bigger slut?' and I'm like "Still no... the guys wouldn't like it" I don't wanna kiss and tell... anymore (Kyle)..... Ok my mom is bitching cause it's getting way late.... I'll write more tomarrow .... but really quick at lunch today all I got was a big plate full of salad and when I sat down Desiree goes "What kind of a lunch is that?" and I look at Kevin (sitting beside me) and go "See what I'm doing for your brother" and then Bobby sat down and he was like "What kind of a lunch is that?" and I look at Kevin again and say, "See what I'm doing for your brother." Desiree goes "I would have kicked that boy to the curbs months ago if he told me he only wouldn't date me cause I was fat" and Kiwi goes "Well at least he's honest. Ohmygod I just stood up for Justin" lol... I was like "Nobody say anything bad about my man" (yes I know he's not my man)..... Then we were all talking about how everybody at the table was in love with Kristy's boyfriend Justyn and Kiwi goes "I don't love Justyn, I just fucked him once" and I go "How is Justyn related to Will, Steve and Mike?" because she only sleeps with guys in that family ...or so it seems.... and I go "Hey I picked one family and stayed with it".... get it.... Kiwi got it and it took Kevin a couple minets but he got it too.... Justin, Kevin, Kyle... hey Kyle is family! .... well Josh just signed off so I guess I'll be going to.... oh yeah in Wellness Class today I actually tried and I worked up a sweat... can you believe it? It's crazy! first time in 4 years I've actually tried in a gym class.... Well now I really got to go... so ttyl, luvs lots

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Oh I got to talk to Justin on the phone for like half an hour straight and when I said I loved him he said "Platonically, I like you a lot"... why can't he just say it?????? Some best friend he is.

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I LOVE YOU KYLE!

BRETT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kevin woke me up again this morning so I'm in study hall again. I woke up and took a shower and then Matt gave me and Kevy a ride to school. Stupid Kevin thinks he's so cool and stole the front seat but its ok because I love him
l---------------------------------this much------------------------------------l
Guess what though.... I have good news. After mom picked me up from night school last night we (Me and Nick) went to Family Planning and got little gift bags of condoms and stuff
(I got a glow-in-the dark one)
When I got home I went straight to Kevin's but he wasn't there. He was helping his Aunti Kim move into her new apartment.... but guess who was there....... I am so excited......
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BRETT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OJ opened the door and I'm like "Is Kevin here" and he goes "nope, but Brett is" Brett came out into the kitchen and I grabbed him and hugged him for like 20 minuets. Ohmygawd I missed him so much. I didn’t even realize how much I missed him but I really truly did. I came in and brought a chair in the living room from the kitchen. We got really high and I don't remember much after that. I know that at some point I got up and went home to use the bathroom and find out that Jeremy kid's last name for Brett. While I was home I got the munchies and ate so much food... yum!!! Now I'm hungry again damn it!
When I went back over next door Brett and some friends he had brought with him had gone to Cumberland Farms so I went back home and barrowed Matt's cell phone and called Justin. I talked to him about....something or other... lol I can't remember....
When I got off the phone with him I went back next door and Kevin answered the door. The first thing he said was "Brett's here" and I go "I know" and he's like "You know?" and I'm like "yep" so I went into the bedroom and gave Brett my photo album to look at. Rose called him out into the living room and I sat on the bed. Brett came back, looked at the pictures and Rose came in and yelled at him to get back into school and not to come to Augusta when he doesn't have a place to stay. She called her friend Dwight to come give Brett and his friends a ride. Rose let it slip that Justin has court today ...um... right now actually. It's 8:37 and his court was at 8:30... I started crying when she told me I couldn't skip school and go see him. I mean...
HELLO, 45 DAYS I WON’T BE ABLE TO EVEN TALK TO HIM ON THE PHONE!!!!
At like 9:05 I asked her if I could use her phone to call Justin. The first thing I said was "Why didn't you tell me you had court tomorrow" and he said he didn't even know. He made me give the phone to his mom and blah blah blah.... they talked. At 9:30 Dwight showed up so Brett and his friends left... btw Brett is still dating Kristy and he couldn't remember who even Trisha was lol. After they left OJ said it was time for me to go too so I asked Kevin for the phone so I could say goodbye to Justin. He was being an asshole and wouldn't give me the phone until I go
"OJ tell Kevin to let me say goodbye to Justin"
OJ did and Kevin finally gave me the phone. I go "Goodbye Justin, I love you" he's like "Uh-huh sure" and I'm like "I do, you're one of my best friends and I love you Justin" he's like "yep bye Tiffy" and I'm like "peace" lol. I was stoned!
I went home and wrote more of my Justin story **** and I wrote Kyle another letter and then I finished my Justin story **** and then I went to bed... I don't remember ever actually falling asleep. I know I must have at some point but it was real light sleeping and I kept waking up over and over again throughout the night...
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I guess that's it for now
It was great to see Brett again
He is supposed to show up today too but who knows with him.
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I love you Kyle James Sanchez
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I love you Justin Davis Tilkins
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I love you Kevin Andrew Tilkins
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I love you Brett ______ Blake
(I know his middle name but it's a secret)
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I love you:
Jenyfer ____ Clark
Leola May Colby
Kiera Marie McKenny
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And anyone else who's ever been one of my best friends.... I love you and I miss you all.

Life as I know It....sucks.....

Kevin woke me up for school yesterday so I made it ON TIME. That's why I posted from my study hall Yay!
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After school I was sooooooo tired.... I fell asleep on the couch till like 4:30.... when I woke up I was like "OH NO" I got up and started bitching at Matt to call Russell because Kevin and me were suppose to go to Lewiston to see Justin and Russell was suppose to drive him. I had to do all the dishes and I have to baby-sit all weekend plus I spent all my money on something that he wanted. Russell finally got there and Kevin wanted Pappy to come too. I was like "Number one - I don't even like Pappy, he hit NaToni. Number two - I have to beg Russell to let you go" I said to Kevin. The only reason Kevin got to come at all was because he's Justin's brother and Matt made Russell bring him too. When we got there I had to use the bathroom and some girl goes "Don't you do that every time you come here?" and I'm like, "It's a long ride from Augusta." When I got out of the bathroom Justin and Kevin were playing foosball against the Jack staff member at New Beginnings and I was put on his team I guess. Anyways I learned I suck at foosball. Halfway through the game Jack had business to attend to so we called it good. Justin, Kevin and me took off eventually and walked down under the bridge. We got sooooooo high! Justin… you could tell was blazed that poor boy LoL. He is so hott like that though. He was so funny… but at one point he was mean to me… I don’t remember what he said but it was mean. I walked off kinda and Justin was like, “Don’t be mad at me Tiffy. No I mean it, don’t be mad at me” and he put his arm around me. I forgave him cause I was high but I know it was mean. I don’t remember much else from when we were down under the bridge but I know that when we we’re walking back up I got out my camera and took some goofy pics of the boys and some really cute ones. I used up the last of my camera so I have to go to Wal-Mart tomorrow and get them developed. On CD of course so I can get them online eventually, LoL. When we got back to the house Dan was sitting on the steps writing a letter to some guy who got arrested earlier that day there. We stopped and talked to him for a while… way past the time Russell wanted to leave. I felt bad about Russell but I really wanted to spend time with Justin since today he could be going to that Kids Peace place if it all works out right. After he gets his evaluation he wants to take the summer and live with his cousin Josh in Augusta and work for that construction place like he did last summer and save up money. Then he wants to go to Job Corps in the fall and get his license and all that good stuff. He wants to get his GED from Job Corps and go to college which is what he really needs. When it was time to leave Justin and Kevin gave each other props and Justin put his arms out to hug me then Kevin grabbed me and said “time to go Tiffy” and pulled me away. Justin got this like shocked look on his face and then laughed. I made Kevin let me go and I hugged Justin for a really long time. We were standing in the parking lot and I took a full body picture of him in that really sexy black and blue flames shirt and his gray wind pants *memories*. Then Russell was like get in the car Tiff” so I hugged Justin again and then I kissed him on the cheek LoL. It was in front of a lot of people so he made a big deal out of it. He’s so dumb. We got in the car and left. I really miss him already. While we were in the car a song came on the radio and it reminded me of this experience with Justin.

Vanessa Carlson – A Thousand Miles

Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces passed
And I'm home bound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Through the crowd

And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder....

Chorus:
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight

It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me
'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in your
Precious memories

'Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder....

Chorus

And I, I
Don't want to let you know
I, I
Drown in your memory
I, I
Don't want to let this go
I, I
Don't....

Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces passed
And I'm home bound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making my way
Through the crowd

And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder....

chorus X2


That’s a Justin song because I would’ve walked a thousand miles but I got a ride LoL. I still need him and I still miss him and I wonder if he ever thinks about me when we’re not together… I was “home bound” when I heard the song. I drown in my memories of him and I don’t want to let him go when I’m with him. It was a perfect song to hear at that specific time so… yeah. It’s a new Justin song…. Damn it class is over! Anyways that’s it I guess… I really miss you Kyle. I love you so goddamn much. Call me!

I hate my life!

I really do.....
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get this.... Last night I snuck Matt's cell phone and called Kyle my bestest friend in the whole wide world only to find out that his phone's been turned off. Now what in the world am I suppose to do. IT'S NOT FAIR! I need him! I am going through a really rough time in my life and I really need him. Ohgawd I'm in school and my eyes are tearing up. I used to not be able to cry and now it's hard to keep myself from crying. I hate my life so much!
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In other news I got passed over by a guy for one of my sister's again. Yep this time it was Sam who stole the guy I liked. At least I never did anything with Russell when I liked him and he ended up with my sister. This hurts a hundred times more cause I've been with him. He told me he liked me and gave me all kinds of false hope. Hate my life, hate my life!
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Anyways I kinda got upset about this as you can imagine. Wouldn't you? I wrote him a long letter about how betrayed I felt and stuff and how I wanted him to stay away from my sister if he was gonna play mind games on me because he hurt me and I don't want him hurting her too. I went down to his house around 6am and meant to give him the note but when I saw him I got all flustered and forgave him. I told him to not break Sam's heart and to stop lieing to me about his feelings since I'm suppose to be his best friend and all. I told him that he better not fill her head with lies like he did mine and I asked him if he ever truelly liked me. He said "at one point" so I guess it wasn't all for nothing. He said he really likes Sam. I go "I thought you said she was annoying" and he goes "She is. It's kinda like you and Justin, one day you love him the next day you hate him" and I'm like hmmmm... Jen thinks that the reason he doesn't like me anymore is because I'm too fast for him. I want to do more stuff then he does and he's just really shy but whatever I'm over it..
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Good news (the only good news) - Kevin moved back to Augusta! That could be good and that could be bad considering who you're talking to..... No names....
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Yesterday Rose took Kevin and Me to go visit Justin.... We hung out with him for about an hour. Kevin brought him Spongebob boxers that he was wearing a copy of that day. Now he has two of the same shirt and two of the same boxers and aa bunch of the same socks and all his wifebeaters are the same.... He's like "all I need now is two of the same pair of pants and I can wear the same thing two days in a row" people will think he doesn't change his clothes when he will be. He's so cute. He was wearing all black yesterday and he looked so goddamn hott! I miss him so much... Like I miss being around him constantly like it used to be. Oh other Justin news... I guess he might not be going to Kid's Peace after all. I guess something happened with his social worker or whatever and he didn't get a room yet or something. The new place they're checking out is gonna be either in Rockland (Jessi) or near his grandfather's house in Weeks Mills. I hope he doesn't go to the Rockland one...... "Jealousy, turning saints into the sea, swimming through sick lullabys, chocking on your alibis".... whatever I'm over it.
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Anyways... Kyle told me (before his phone got shut off) that when he comes up for the summer he's bringing a ton of people with him. Ok just Josh (his cousin), Kyle (his friend), and Casey (his gf).... I kinda don't want him to. I mean I want to meet all of them and everything but I just feel like I won't have any alone time with him if he has all these people with him. They will all be nervous and fallow him around like lost little puppies. I know I will if I do make it down there. I just really want to pull him into my bed and make his hold me for hours while I cry out all the bad stuff in my life. I miss him so bad. I hate getting close to people. I lvoe Kyle so much...ohgawd tear again.... I really do though. Kyle is the best thing that ever happened to me and if I don't shut up I won't be able to type.. the screen and keys are getting all blurry through the water in my eyes. I hate myself and I hate my life. I miss Kyle so much. What am I gonna do without him?
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JP just came in here... god is he cute!
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back to Kyle.... He's my best friend and I love him so much. He became my best friend this one night when I was fighting with Justin. I had no one to turn to but I rememebered Kyle was babysitting at his sister's house on Washington st or whatever that little road near the church off from Washington st is. I went over there with my Life As We Know It tapes. He told me that Justin would eventually forgive me (and he did) and he was just there for me. He was such a sweetheart (he always is). I remember on Nov 2nd I hung out with Kyle at his sister's babysitting and afterwards he came to my house and we watched election coverage and made fun of Bush all night long... I walked him home when it was light out so that he could take a shower and we met at the bus stop and smoked a cigerette after having been up all night long. That was so perfect. that's something I miss a whole lot. I miss meeting him at the bus stop. Now I barely make it on the bus for the very reason of not wanting to stand there all alone in the morning or stand with my little sister like a lozer. I miss him so much.... well class is getting over so I gtg. I'll try to get more in later.
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I love you Kyle! Call me!

Phone's still disconected.... so I still can't talk to my best friend in the whole wide world and it's still killing me. He wrote a rap on his blog to all his friends but it was specially to me ^,^ Yay! .... I love that kid so much. The other day I told my mom and my brother that I love Kyle more than I love Justin just in a different way and my brother now thinks that I don't really love Justin at all - that I'm just obbsessed with him... because... well... I kinda screw around with a lot of other guys... but hey.. that's only because Justin's not here if he was I wouldn't give in to temptation from other guys so much. And even though I'm not dating Justin, I still feel bad every time I do something with someone else... like I'm cheating on Justin or something AND WE'RE NOT EVEN DATING!...

gtg... love you kyle

Stoner day!!!

Well….
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it’s 4/20/05……. Stoner day!
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Last night Jen and Leola slept over…. We stayed up till like 5am… the sun was coming up when we went to sleep… I’m at night school and I am sooooooo tired!!!!!....
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So I went to Justin’s website today and I wanted to post to his guestbook even though he won’t be able to check it… I don’t know why but I just felt the urge to write in there that I loved him… anyways I read all his entries talking to NaToni from when they were dating and he said something about posting to her journal… like posting comments and stuff… I went to the oldest post in her journal and read all the entries saying anything about him right and I found his comments he wrote to her…. He posted as dontwantyouback and J_man_fo_shizzle LoL. It was interesting what I found out by doing that…. I guess NaToni cheated on Justin while they were together… She had the best thing going in the world and she messed it up…. I would never cheat on him… I can’t believe her. I still love her and all… NaToni is like one of the coolest people I’ve ever met… she just made a really bad decision… it’s not like I haven’t made any bad decisions (Kevin) but still…. I wasn’t dating Justin now was I?
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We just had break and I tried to call him to ask him why he never told me about it and he is cooking dinner so I have to call back later… I don’t know why he never told me… some best friend he is…
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Kyle finally updated his blog… for some reason my links aren’t working so his blog is at www.kylesanchez.blogspot.com ... read it if ya feel like it. I really miss my Mexican! Now that our phone has been disconnected I won’t be able to talk to him as much as I have been and that really hurts… My mom today said she doesn’t even care that the phone’s disconnected and I yelled at her “MY BEST FRIEND LIVES IN IOWA” we need a phone goddamn it! …..
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Night school is over now I guess… we got dismissed early so I got to go… I guess I’ll update the next time I can… considering we don’t have a phone line anymore so I can’t use the computer at home to update anymore… I don’t know what I’m gonna do????

Our phone got disconnected

Err... our phone got diconected... now how will I be able to talk to my baby in Iowa?.... err...
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Other than that depressing bit of news.... I got to see Justin yesterday...
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I talked my mom into bringing me up to see him. This is his last week at New Beginnings and then he's going to a place called Kids Peace up near Bangor I guess. While he's there he's gonna get a mental evaluation and he won't be able to have phone calls or visits the whole 45 days he's suppose to be there. This is gonna suck so bad... I am going have a fit!
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Anyways.. while I was there I smoked him up.. we fianlly got high together again... it's been so goddamn long. I finally took the sexy picture of just his eyes all glazed over that I've been wanting to take for like forever. I also took some other really cool pictures of him in his sunglasses... and he was wearing those gray windpants again *sigh* The staff of the place could so totally tell that he was stoneded. This really cute Jack guy staff like made him take off his sunglasses...it was so funny. I was like oh no but Justin said that the staff people didn't even care so that was cool. Oh... Jen and Kyle made up so that's a good thing. Um... Lee slept over last night and did my hair really cool like. I have two pigtails and then there's a bunch of braids coming out of the piggytails and I dyed my bangs pink (it's washable)
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Tomarrow is night school and Thursday Kevin is suppose to be coming back (hopefully) and maybe I can beg Rose to bring me with her if she brings Kevin to see Justin. Friday is the bake sale for the Edge.... I hope we make a whole shit load of money lol...
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Well The library is about to close so I guess I gotta go... I'll update tomarrow at night school...check ya laterz... "I love you, peace" - Kyle

Last Night....

Ok so yesterday Kevin came over. We all *hung* out in my room for a little while.... till like 4 something and then I went outside to wait for my ride to Lisa's party. It was Lisa, Jillian, Amanda something, Tina something (at her house) and me. We first went up to Wal-Mart to buy dog food for Tina's dogs then we went out to unity for the party. When we first got there we talked about what kind of pizza we were gonna get then while Jillian and Tina went to the store to get the pizza Lisa, Amanda and me smoked a fat joint that Amanda rolled very badly. When they got back we ate pizza. I ate two peices of pepperoni. Then we started in on Jello shots. Sugar free, carb free jello shots yay! I had seven - the lime green ones were best but there was some dark red ones that tasted like medicine yuck! Then Lisa made Blue Hawiian mixed drinks. I drank like half of one then everyone went outside to smoke cigerettes cause we couldn't in the house. Jillian kept wanting to smoke because she hadn't with the rest of us... she's like totally a pot-head lol. We practically moved the entire party to the car for a good 2 hours. Tina spilt her drink all over Amanda in the front seat and Jillian spilt her drink on herself. I was acting all depressed because I kept thinking about all the parties with Justin that were soooo fun over Christmas break and missing him. at like 8:30pm - yes it was that early - Lisa gave me a huge gulp of Fuzzy Navel and it got all over me. I said I didn't like it so she gave me another Blue Hawiian and told me if I drank half a cup of it then she would let me use her phone to call Justin. I did it eventually and went inside and got a phone... little did I know but it wasn't Lisa's phone...it was Tina's husband's cell that I used on accident. I called once and the call failed because we were so far out in the bonies in Unity. Then I called again and it got through. I talked to him for a while - can't remember what about...I know I talked about the party and how fucked up I was and how I was gonna come see him sometime this week if it kills me. He told me that this is his last week at New Beginnings and that after this he is going to some other place to get an evaluation and he's gonna stay there fro 45 days or until he gets into Hinkley. I told him I like it where he is and he said he did too. he doesn't want to leave and I want him to stay where he is also. It seems easy fro him there and I like that. The phone died a little after that and I went inside and called him back. He said he was gonna let me go anyways because he wanted to play PSO. I go "Justin I love you" and he's like "what do you expect me to say back" and I'm like that you looooove me!" and he's like "Do I ever say that?" and I'm like "sometimes you do" and he's like "well I'm not gonna this time" - he is such a jerk! He never did end up saying it :'( Anyways... then we went inside and watched Shrek 2 but I fell asleep right after the part where Prince Charming flips around his hair in like the very beginning it kept reminding me of Brett and I close me eyes to think about how much I actually miss that kid. I woke up like 6 times througout the night to pee and get a drink (OF SODA) We all woke up around 8am.... that sucked. Tina's stupid bird would not shut the fuck up! I got a ride from Tina's husband home along with Jillian. When I got home I went to Rose's and got Kevin. Then we went up to my room and smoked a cigerette. Then Jen called and came up. Kyle called and Kevin stayed on the phone with him for hours it seemed. Jen and Kevin had fun.....*wink wink*... then Sarah showed up and it was pretty boring what with Cullen annoying the hell out of us while we sat on Rose's poarch. Jen and Me watched Kevin drive off... he didn't even come to say goodbye to me but I ran up and caught him and bitched him out for it. Some best friend he is! Jen and me just hang out for a little while and we watched Jesse McCartney sing on Nicelodeon. Then in order for her to sleep over we had to walk to Cumby's and buy Matt two 12 packs of Pepsi. We got back to my house and I took a shower and now here I am typing this with everybody yelling at me to get off the damn computer so I guess that's it...
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I hope I get to see Justin tomarrow
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I LOVE HIM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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and Kyle too....
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and Jen....
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and Leola
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and Kevy....
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and Kiwi
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BUT NOT NICK HODGE!

Today.......

Ok so today I signed into school at 8:49am… it was stills study hall time so I didn’t know exactly what to do. I had never been to my study hall before. The one time last semester I was on time on an even day I went to the library during it so I didn’t even know who my study hall teacher or room was. I first went to the café but Cooper was in there so I took off for a bathroom. I went into the bathroom by the catwalk and just played on my cell phone and looked at me hair in the mirror. When the bell rang I walked myself up to freshman academy. I was walking behind a certain boy and he didn’t even notice… I ran into Michaela in the hall and she hugged me and talked to me about…something I can’t remember. I know that halfway through our conversation Jen ran up and hugged me. I talked to her a bit till I had to go to class or else I’d be late. I went to math class and I learned that my math teacher lives near my English teacher so they ride to school together in the mornings – yes that’s all I learned. We were suppose to be learning something about scatter plots and some long word but I hate math and already can’t remember what the hell she was talking about. After math I went to the gym and dropped off my bag then I was walking up to the cafeteria to find Jen to give her the note I wrote her in math class and I found her in the lobby. She was getting dismissed to “go eat lunch” at home with her mom. I walked with Alicia to her Wellness class and then went to my class. We got put in 4 teams of 3 people and I was stuck with the annoying kid (Aaron Theberge) and some Derrick kid who looks like Dawson from Dawson’s Creek (which isn’t a good thing by the way.) They barely ever even let me try but that’s ok cause I didn’t want to try much. I mean I’m going to do just enough to pass the class then the hell with it. Once in Wellness I, twice in Wellness II and this is my third time in Wellness 3 so I got to pass. Our team lost the first game first and the second game second lol. Those boys are way to competitive though… it’s just a game. Trevor Whitamore was like flipping out any time his team messed up a little. He kinda scared me. Halfway through class I looked over at the Wellness II kids doing rope climbing and thought about how Justin told me he wrote his name on the ceiling up near the platform. I wish I could find it. After class I went by Jen’s Foods class and had Justin Degrennia go and get her. She was already about to go to the bathroom so it all worked out well. It was funny though because right before we were about to leave some girl and two of her friends come in and the girl got gum stuck in her hair. One of the unfortunate girls’ friends was Ashley Hunt. Jen went back to her class and I went to lunch. At lunch I sat with Kiwi of course. I went to get my lunch and all they had was spaghetti. #1- I HATE SPAGHETTI #2- It has tons of carbs…. All I wanted was chocolate milk so I got an empty tray and put noodle type salad ion it to make it seem like I had lots of food. Also oranges and broccoli, at least I was allowed to eat the broccoli. I gave my oranges to Kiwi. We went to dump our trays and Mary Hilton ran up to me. I told Kiwi I was going outside for a cigarette and Mary came with me. We walked to the old building and down the stairs and out the side door putting my math book in the way so the door didn’t lock shut on us. We walked across and down the street to behind the fence. We smoked, she thought she talked to much but I don’t think she did. We walked back in and up the stairs…and as we were coming out the walkway we ran into Mr. Kahl and he asked us where we were coming from. I said “oh we were using the stairs for exercise” and he’s like “Today is your lucky day. I’m gonna pretend I didn’t see this.” Mr. Kahl is so cool! Mary walked me most of the way to my accounting class. I went in, dropped off my bag and went to get a drink of water. The water fountain upstairs in the old building sucks so I went down to the 2nd floor one. Then I started walking back to the catwalk again and Mary was waiting at the spot we got caught. I guess she was waiting for someone but we just ended up hanging out in the hall talking to random people. Alicia, Jami and some blond girl skipped out the side door we had just come in. I waited and waited for the bell and never heard it so I finally just went to class. We were suppose to work on our set during class but me and Emily got into a discussion of canceled MTV shows including Undressed. We recapped a bunch of our favorite episodes to each other. It’s so cool to find people who used to watch that show cause I used to love it so much. After class I took the bus home and smoked a cigarette on the way from the bus stop. When I got home I went to put it out on the siding of the house like I always do, lol and Flury walked up the stairs by where Stevo’s house use to be so I stopped putting it out on the house and automatically went to put it out on the sleeve of my hoodie. The only problem was I didn’t have my hoodie on because it was hot out so I ended up burning my hand and it still didn’t go out so I finally put it out on the pane of the door window. I signed online, put some hamburg in the microwave to defrost and took a shower. Got out of the shower, put the hamburg in a pan and on the stove, talked to NaToni online and started making dollies online. I was on the comp till like 6 something when Jen got here. After I finished my dollies we went up to my room and smoked up a little tiny bit of weed. Then we went down to pick the ashtrays for cigarette buts (hey we were desperate) and I found a roach so I ended up taking it and smoking up again. A certain boy showed up who I like a lot (not Justin!) and we hung out with him a bit. I walked Jen down to the end of Mill St. and she wanted me to watch her walk past the bridge to make sure she was ok. A black car drove down that little park-type area on the way from my house to Jen’s near Bond Brook, she disappeared after a car’s lights shined in my eyes and I lost sight of her. When the car drove off and I still didn’t see her I got really worried and was about to call the cops when I see her walk out of the darkness towards her house. That totally freaked me out. When I got home the boy I like and his brother were in my sister’s room doing who knows what… my sis likes his bro…I grabbed him and brought him in my room. I sat on my bed and he sat in my chair. To make a long story short we ended up making out again. He told me he liked
me the last time we had made out and then through IM he tells me he “felt weird” kissing me cause we’re such close friends and yet it happened again hmm… what do you think that means? They left and I went and kicked my little bro off the computer cause I wanted to write in here and my password protected diary gets all the details… I guess that’s it.
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I haven’t talked to Kyle in 2 days now. Where the hell is he? I miss him so much!
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.“Love and Kisses. Peace!”

Part 2 - of my book...

Justin opens the door and the distint smell of marjuana wafes out. "Guys! Your smoking without me?" "You weren't suppose to be back for another hour and the Mexican was jonesing" Kevin says walking out of what Tiffany guesses must be a bedroom " Damn! Who's the chick." Justin laughs as Kyle walks out of the room too. "TIFFY!" Kyle throws his arms around Tiffany in a giant bear hug. "You recognized me!" shes exclaims. "Of course." "Lozer, I didn't recognize her" Justin says "Well she was my best friend. I don't know. I could just tell it was her" "So wait.....this hott chick standing in front of me..... is in reality Tiffy as in Tiffy???" Kevin asks "Hi Kevin! Miss me?" "Uh...you know I did." says Kevin trying to get on her good side. "So you think I'm hott huh?" she laughs and hugs him "Wow.. um.. yeah. You look.....different" he says. "I know thats's what your brother said" "So Kyle you actually did come back." Tiffany says as a statement not a question. "Yep, I told you when I was 16 I would be back. Why weren't you here? Where did u go?" Kyle questions "Oh, I had to get over Justin and get on track so I was sent to my dad's. I got my license and a car and a job and soon I'll have my own apartment and everything. I finished school. Lost over 100 pounds." "Do you have a boyfriend?" Kevin blurts out. Tiffany licks her lips. "Actually I did but... well he wanted more than I wanted to give him so we broke up." "Your still a virgin Tiffy? How old are you now 20?" "21 soon yeah I'm still a virgin. I was waiting for you remember?" She laughs. "I told you that wasn't gonna happen" "I know. I was kidding. I just...I wasn't really comfortable with him. I mean he was hot and he treated me good and all I just... I don't know.. I didn't love him.. like at all. So I broke up with him. And he already has a new girlfriend who I've heard is quite the little slut so he should be happy." "He's dumb Tiffy." Kyle tells her. "Oh gawd Kyle I missed you! I wanted to call you so many times, but I was scared. I didn't want to think about anything conected to Justin till I was absolutely 100% sure I could deal without him without having to hurt myself and be depressed and... well Justin is your best friend too and so.. you would remind me of him.. but now I'm over him and I missed you so much!" "Awwwww" Justin and Kevin say at the same time making fun of Tiffany for being so emotional. "Shut up, you guys! No one missed me at all." "I missed you Tiffy, I missed you cleaning my room and doing my dishes and giving me drugs and boxers and stuff" "Thanx Justin. That about sums it up huh?" "No Tiffy seriously I did miss you. Come here." Justin says and pulls Tiffany off into a room so that they're alone. "I really did miss you ya know. I just... I can't.. ya know...let them know. You were one of my best friends and you just up and left without saying goodbye or anything. It was almost like you died or something. And your mom wouldn't say where you went or anything not even to me or Kyle." "Good I told her not to tell anyone. If I wanted to get a hold of someone I would. I kept the same e-mail address. Changed my screen name though." "Did you get ahold of anyone?" "Well... my friend Melissa in Gardnier. Jaylyn, Larry, Travis, Erin, Becca, Leola, Emily, I called Nick's once but no one answered, Monica, Cora, Christina. I don't know everyone who didn't remind me of you got contacted." "Was it really that hard for you to get over me?" "Justin I loved you so much... I loved you more than I loved my own mother. There was something wrong with that. You knew it. I knew it. Kyle knew it. I didn't have a choice I needed to get over you and moving was the only way I could do it. I cried the first three weeks and tried calling your moms cell phone but of course always during the day so she couldn't answer anyways. It killed me. I spent everyday in bed crying until one day my dad threw a pack of cigerettes at me and told me to shut up and get out of bed or he'd take them away. It took me a few minuets but I also hadn't had a cigerette this whole three weeks so I shut up and got out of bed. I took a shower and was made go to work with my dad who got me hired as a bagger at his grocery store. I started going to school and I met Evan. He was a jock of all things. I started going to the track just to watch him work out every day after school and then I started exersizing with some of the other girls when I realized they weren't all skinny little bimbos. I met this girl Camille who everyone calls Cammy and she was on the Adkins diet too. She had been on it a lot longer than me and she was smaller than me obviously but we ate breakfast and lunch together and sometimes dinner too so that we could watch each other to see if we were cheating. We worked out together and we started becoming best friends. Then June came around. Graduation. She got accepted to some school in California and had to go for summer classes and everything so she left. She came back for a vacation in September and she only weighed 108 which for her height is like way below average. I guess she was really self concience with all those skinny little things running around the beaches in bikinis and she stopped eating altogether. I was visiting with her one day trying on a dress of hers that was way to big on her now but fit me perfect even though I weighed 150 then and she passed out. I yelled to her mom and she called an ambulance. Now Cammy's in a rehab. So..yeah..... and I broke up with Evan. The furtherest he ever got was feeling me up and I gave the guy head once but it was no big deal. Or maybe I should say his penis was no big deal" Tiffany laughs."Poor guy. He's so cute too. Am I boring you?" "You want the truth?" "I am huh? Well I'm sorry. Yeah It took me a long time to get over you." Tiffany replies Justin smiles "you know what?" "What?" Tiffany asks. Justin leans over and kisses her. She melts. "Why did you do that?" Tiffany starts crying. "I'm sorry Tiffy. Don't cry about it. I'll never kiss you again I promise" "You just ruined everything I worked up" "I wanted to see if you were really over me" "WHY? What does it matter. Justin I'll never be able to fully get over you! Never! I can just tell myself so many times that I'm over you and I start believing it but you just ruined it! Why did you do that?" "I'M SORRY, OK! I didn't think it would be such a big deal" "I gotta go....." "Wait Tiffy" "What?" "I really am sorry. And I did miss you. I want you to know that ok." "Ok" Tiffany sighs "Justin" "Yeah" "Never mind" "Tiffy don't do that you know it bugs me" "Do you think.. that well... maybe now...that I'm skinny-er and stuff.... well you wouldn't like me now would you?" "I don't know... your leaving... I won't have a chance to like you even if I did." "What if...welll I.. what if I move back...." "I thought you just said you wanted to get away from me?" "Well, that's only if you still won't give me a chance. Because if you won't give me a chance now I know that well.. it's me not my body you don't want. If you still don't want me. I'm a hopeless case and there's nothing left to change. I can't do anything else short of plastic surgey that could change me now. And it means I have a crappy personality or something. I don't know...." "You wanna try?" "Seriously?" "Yeah, seriously" "Yeah" Tiffany answers. "I have to go to that bridal place downtown. That's where I was going before I ran into you." "Oh. I was going to the Edge. This is my last year allowed" "Wow, that's right your 18 now huh?" "Yep" "So wait. Your 18 years old, you didn't graduate high school, you don't have a job, and I like you why?" "Cause I'm sexy!" "That's not it egomaniac!" She laughs and thinks to herself 'Thats's why'...

Depressed again???

Well... this sucks... I finally realized how much I actually like Nick. It's weird because I love Justin so much but I really like Nick. He was here visiting my brother and he said something funny and I was like... wow I can't have him. He turned me down and I didn't even think I'd care ya know. I liked him but it really wasn't that big of a deal but now he's turned me down and suddenly it is a big deal. Kyle thinks I'm dumb because I feel bad about a guy turning me down who I would have turned down myself if he asked me out. I don't know about that. I might have said yes to him just to have a boyfriend again. I really miss having a boyfriend. Sure I get to mess around with a bunch of really hott guys while I'm single but having a boyfriend whould be so nice and comfortable ya know???....
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Yesterday I stayed home sick cause this cold I have was being horrible right. I called Kyle and guess what.... he stayed home sick from school for having a cold yesterday too. Weird huh? I love him so much though. I told Kyle that I love him more than Justin, and all my other friends, and even my family. He said he wished he could say that about me but his family, esspecially his sisters, mean everything to him so he can't. I told him that's ok, I understand. I really do... I understand that his family has been there for him his whole life always through all the bad times, well all my worst times have been since I've known him, the hardest parts of my life have happened really recently and he's the one that's been there for me - not my family. I love Kyle more than anything in the world. Last night on the phone I told Kyle that I would be totally contect just laying on my bed talking to him on the phone for the rest of my life and he said that by the time we got off the phone our houses would have been relocated to the moon without us knowing it and he would stand up and three bones would break. He would go outside and there would be no gravity and I go "just float to my house then" and he said he would flout over and he'd be like "There's Tiffy's house. Wait how do I stop? There's no gravity ahhhh..." That was so funny. I love that kid.
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I called Justin today... he was a jerk... what else is new?... but he wanted to go out for a fab with some other kids so he goes "bye love and kisses peace" and I'm like "I love you" and he's like "peace" and we hung up.
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Today in night school all I did was work on my website... people should check it out. I wrote a song and there's a link to it from my front page. Plus I put up three new poems. Hurt, Kiss Me, and I Never Deserved You. The Song is called "Give Me Another Chance" and it's copywrited bitch! LOL! Just kidding, go ahead and steal it, it's not like I have the guts to sing it in front of anyone without a couple hits in me (not even Kyle).
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Well, I guess that's all for now... Life sux and nobody likes it... esspecially me.. I'm gonna go get high now see yall laters..

Been awhile....

Ok it's been a long time since I wrote in here so here's what's been going on lately. Wednesday Jen and me played 92 Moose's TNT and won tickets to the Bowling For Soup concert on Friday. Thursday I didn't go to school because I slept all day. Jen went to the skate park. Friday I went to school and after school I had Kiwi and Jen over (me and Jen couldn't find a ride to the concert.) We took a walk to Cumby's and when we got back Angelina was there so we just smoked up. She left and David showed up so we smoked him up and Kiwi got a contact and it was so fun. At one time Jen, Kiwi, David and Me were all on my bed at once. David was loving it (you could tell from his pants.) David and Kiwi left to take Jen home and Angelina showed back up. Kiwi took a taxi home (I don't know where David disappeared to) Angelina asked to sleep over and I felt bad about saying no so I didn't. She slept over and we got high and watched 13. Which is an awesome movie when you’re stoned by the way. I passed out sometime after the two girls made out (which I continue to point out to Jen that they're best friends and get to make out with each other but noooo she's straight she doesn't want to make out with a girl DAMN IT! Anyways.... Saturday Jen came over and we smoked some more and Angelina walked Jen home. I went over Nick's and got Justin's PSO game back... I broke Nick's computer (I am so sorry!) downloading episodes of Aqua teen Hunger Force. I went home around midnight and got on my comp. I started talking to Nick and stuff and then I went down there for a while and hung out with him for a while till like 6. Then I went home and took a shower and played on the computer. Then I went to sleep around 9. I slept for 3 hours (Jen calling every 5 mins of the last hour) At noon I finally gave in and called her back on the regular phone. She just wanted to know if I was still going to see Justin and stuff. I said yes and hung up with her. Waited till around 2, then Rose came and got me to go see Justin. We got there and he was wearing a new shirt. It was one of those button up ones that he leaves unbuttoned. Silky and Black with blue flames coming up from the bottom. We went to Burger King and Auntie Kim bought Justin a tender crisp chicken sandwich with no mayo. Then we went to Cumberland Farms and he got a Dr Pepper (YUCK!) Jen called while we were in the car and I let her say hi to Justin. We went back to the New beginning house and his mom asked if she could bring his grocery shopping with her. They said yes and we went to Caswells. At one point he was mean to me (I don't remember how) and I like walked off. Rose and Kim asked him what he did to me and he said nothing and Rose was like you must have done something and Kim slapped him lol. He also grabbed my boobs right in the store (PERVERT!) He called me sweetheart ~ I don't remember why. Rose and Kim were looking at hair dye and I was like "I need to re-dye my hair but somebody told me they like it this way" and Justin was like, "Who told you that? What are the nuts?" or something like that... it was funny because he's the one who likes it like that. I took one of the free Coffee Newspapers and under Did u know it said that the shortest verse in the bible is "Jesus wept." Justin used to be big on religion, is whole family was, so I asked him what the shortest verse was and he told me right out. The I asked him all the little trivia questions and he got like 3 out of 5 right. He is so smart! We went back to the house and went in to keep visiting with him. His friend Steve showed us the bruises Justin gave him playing "punch for punch" It was huge. One of the staff asked if we wanted privacy she would close the door but Justin was like it's ok we're making fun of Steve and the lady was like "you got a lot of material to go on" and that made us all laugh. Jen called again while we were in the little visiting room and I told her we'd be back in like an hour and hung up. Justin started to say something about elephants and Rose was like "I think it's time to go" lol so we all got up. Justin hugged his mom and his aunt then me. We left and on the way out I was like, "Love you" I have no clue what he said back. We went back to Augusta and my brother was visiting. He was on the computer so I used Matt's cell to call and tell Jen I was home so she'd stop calling my cell. She practically begged me to go to her house. We got into a fight because I gave all my cigarettes and stuff to Justin and not her I guess... plus I wanted to go home because I missed seeing my brother cause I was with her. I got mad cause I had wanted to go on the ride to bring him... um.. yeah... She got mad at me and was like bye Tiff and went inside. I was like whatever. I went home and smoked and went to bed. Jen called and apologized but I was too high to pay any attention. Kyle called and I guess I called his girlfriend a slut... I don't remember but I remember Jen and me were talking about it so I guess I told Kyle. I mean they were only dating four days and she was suppose to sleep with him... that is a little bad ya know. I woke up yesterday morning at 5:30am and got ready for school. I was on time and I made the bus! When I got to school I walked across the street to finish my cigarette from the bus stop. I ended up sharing what little I had with Ray's new girlfriend Vanessa. Helen drove up on the opposite side of the rode and Alicia called me over. She gave me a camel and walked with me across the street with linked arms, that was cool. I went to homeroom and wrote in my diary. I went to English and did my work and Lisa invited me to a party in Unity on Saturday. I went to Computer class and typed Jen up a note. I gave it to her after lunch. the I went to art class and Mrs. Higgins gave me a project to do that is nothing like the idea I had. Errrrr... she like twisted my idea and made it harder and more boring (at least to me.) I walked Jen up to her Science class and she kissed me on the lips in front of the camera. I was late to foods but I don't think Mrs. Woods even noticed. Cassie and me made cookies. I took the bus home and went to my room. Jen showed up and we got ready to smoke, then Lee showed up. We smoked ~ but not Lee, she wouldn't. At 5 was dinner and untie Angel showed up for Lee so she left. Jen left and Mom, Sam and I drove off towards Lewiston. I called Justin to tell him not to take all his walk time. When we got to Lewiston we went to see Nick first. At like 7 Justin called my cell and bitched at me cause he had waited for me (in my head I was like, he told me to call him when I was coming to see him but whatever.) I made my mom drive me up to the New Beginnings house. I went and knocked on the door Justin was like "your too late now Tiff" but he was like step out on to the porch. I was like "my mom wants to say hi" and he was like "is she here?" and I was like yeah so he ran down the stairs and got in the car, he goes "hi mommy" lol -(mommy in law soon hopefully.) We walked down to 711 while my mom went to Marden's with Sam. We had a interesting conversation on the way to the store. he bought a Dr Pepper. The guy behind the counter was like "you found your friend" and Justin was like "yeah way too late" and the guy asked if we met off the internet because some girl was in there when Justin was waiting before and said "stupid teenagers meeting people online" or something like that. We walked back to the house and I made Justin let me barrow his liter for a cigarette. I hugged him twice and kissed him on the cheek, "too bad." Then I walked to Marden's to meet my mom and sister. It took me a half an hour to get there. That sucked! We drove home and I went to my room to finish watching the season finally of Summerland. Then Kyle called so I talked to him a bit. Then I went online and I started making dollies but that got boring so I updated my website and now I've updated this. FINALLY, I'm done. *yawn* I have school in like three hours so goodnight.

I miss it all......

Ohmygawd, do I have a headache? Sitting here in night school my head is throbbing in pain. I hate it. Last night I was talking to Kyle on the phone and he started singing me the “Lonely” song by Akon and I started crying, seriously. I miss him so much! Matt pounded on the ceiling at 1 to tell me to get off the phone and he was still singing as I went downstairs so I was still crying, right in front of my mom and Matt. I cried for half an hour after we hung up. After I got off the phone I got a sudden burst of inspiration and wrote a whole chapter of a new book I’ve decided to write. It’s called “Suicide Reunion” I’m not gonna say what it’s about since it’s really about since it’s personal, but you can guess the topic. .
Guess who I was laying in bed missing…. Kevin! Yeah, I know it’s weird but he was one of my best friends and I really miss him. I miss Justin, Kevin, Kyle, Brett and me all just hanging out. The last time we were all together was Kevin’s birthday in November. Brett showed up the day Kevin left during Christmas vacation. It sucks so bad. The last time Justin, Kevin, Kyle, and me were all together was when Justin was living with his grandfather and got drove into town to see everyone. Leola and Jen were there too. It was *that* weekend. (People who know will get it - and if you don’t, well then your not that important are you? LoL, j/k I love everyone) The last time Justin, Kyle, Brett and me were together was at the Edge the day I took all the pictures (including the Justin lifting his shirt one). Anyways, me and Kyle were talking about it and even when we are all back together, nothing will be the same, we’ll all be way more mature and different…. The saddest thing is.. I’m the common ground. I’m the one keeping in touch with everyone when they can’t keep in touch with each other themselves. Like Kyle calls up Kevin sometimes but not as much as me and I see Kevin when he’s at his mom’s and I see Justin whenever his mom sees him so I’m like a common ground for all the boys. They all count on me to relay messages and such… and so does Jen sometimes, she counts on me to get messages to Justin. I don’t know… I just miss being with all the boys together…. Christmas vacation was the best time ever! Even though Kevin and Brett missed each other by a few hours it was still the best. I miss it… I wish I could turn back time or something…. *tears* class is gonna be over soon so I got to go…byes for now.

Dreams

Today I was laying in bed dreaming and I drempt that I was standing out in the yard and Kyle showed up. We were having a reunion type deal. Kyle had just gotten back from Iowa. I see him and he picks me up (by my now skinny waist) and spins me around and we hug for a long time. Next a car drives up Stwert lane and Kevin steps out of the drivers seat in from Casco. He walks up, gives kyle props and hugs me. Then he kissed me (sorry Jen) and Kyle was like, "He gets a kiss and I don't?" so I kiss Kyle too. Then Justin (walking lol- hey it was my subconcious. It's not my fault, I'm not picking on him) turns the corner wearing his LL Bean backpack and looking all sexified. He gives Kevin and Kyle props and Kyle like nudges him and he turns to face me. He goes "Tiffy" and I wrap my arms around him and don't let go for what seems like hours but must have been only a few minets. We let go and he looks at me and tells me I look good.... he didn't kiss me (DARN!)..... Then Kyle called my cell phone and woke me up!
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I went to school today... got to go tomarrow too... and night school tomarrow... I'm getting tired already and Matt is getting ready to kick me off line so I gtg. wirte more later.

Saw Justin.........

Rose drove to Lewiston to see Justin at New Beginnings and I went too. It was so totally worth every secound I had to go to school this past week and I might get to go see him next weekend too so it won't be so bad. I love him so much!... anyways I'll write more laterz... I have to sign off and call Kyle it's almost mid-night there.