I hate him so much!

Why the fuck does he do this to me??? why won't he just leave???? I know I should have jumped last night.... I had every oppurtunity and my pussy ass couldn't do it... I fucking hate myself for letting him make me feel this way but the tears keep falling and my heart keeps hurting and I dont know how to make it stop! It's never gonna stop.... ever! It's so hard to breathe and hold back the tears so everyone doesnt notice what a basketcase I am.... but I dont think I can hide it anymore... I'm so fucked in the head I really just want to make it all stop but I can't... I dont know what I'm gonna do..... I'm so alone and I'm always gonna be alone and there's nothing I can do about it! I WANNA FUCKING DIE!


I seriously should have killed myself long ago.... then I wouldn't be here letting it get worse and worse.... gawd damn I'm a retard.... I can't stand my hideous self anymore....

Sometimes I Really Dont Know Anymore....

I really don't.... I mean obviously I love the guy.... I just dont think I can stand him sometimes.... even when he's being nice to me... it still hurts like hell.... he'll never be mine.... no matter what I do... no matter how much I give... he'll just keep taking and taking and treating me like shit.... until there's nothing left and I'm heartless.... with nothing but my scars for comfort....


I just love him so much.... I hate my life!