Well....we're back together

Alicia called the other night and asked me out again. At first I said no because of Justin being my best friend and all and he doesn't like the idea of it. But then she was all "Do you like me?" and I'm like "well yeah" so she's like "Fine then. We're going out" And she said Justin is dumb and doesn't have to give permission for people to kiss her and stuff. She'll kiss whoever she wants. So anyways we're back together and I told Justin last night and he called her a ho and a tease and said he's thinking about breaking up with her because he doesn't think he's in love with her anymore. He doesn't think he ever really was in love with her. That it was faulse love. I know I really was in love with him because I kinda still am I'm just kinda downplaying it for now. Trying to at least. That stupid boy! I love him so much and he'll never see how great I could truly be for him because he won't give me a chance. Oh yeah and Jen Clark (Kevin's gf) is also my platonic girlfriend yay!
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I Love Justin David Tilkins!!!!!!!!!!!
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But he doesn't love me......
and that makes me sad......
so I'm moving on.....
I will get over him....
eventually...

Alicia broke up with me

Lots has happened to me since the last time I wrote anything. Alicia broke up with me because she thought Brett might ask her back up and when he didn't she asked me back out. Now she's dating Justin again and he made her break up with me. He says he didn't make her he just said he would "appreciate" it. I got really sad. I mean it's a girl I really shouldn't care so much but I did. I was scared of what I might do to myself so Rose let me stay the night over there. I just really didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. Also my grandmother is in the hospital. She was addmitted yesterday because she had trouble breathing. On Christmas day (the same day Alicia broke up with me, nice present huh?)Daddy showed up and brought me down to her place. He found out I was smoking and him and Grammy gave me a big lecture and stuff. It was annoying to say the least. So yeah now my dad thinks I'm a loser too. I felt really bad Christmas Day,night. I hate my life. I didn't think it could get any worse. I don't think it can get any worse except maybe if Justin goes to jail again or dies or something. Or Kyle, or Kevin. I really love those boys. They are my bestest friends. I got my cd burner for Christmas and a really cool pair of Tinkerbelle earings.

Alicia is my girlfriend

Alicia is my girlfriend. Lol! It's really just a joke. We're trying to make Justin feel bad for turning us lesbian but it’s not working. He thinks it’s cool. Last night I had to work and when I got off work I had Jamie and Kiwi and Jen Clark with me. We dropped Jen off on Bond Street and started up the hill because Kiwi was going to Nick’s and Jamie was going to Justin’s. We got to the bottom of the hill and Matt pulls over. The girls didn’t want to get a ride so I just went myself. I didn’t want to walk in the freezing cold any more than I absolutely had to. I got up to the house. Dropped my bag off inside and went over to Justin’s to rely the news that Jamie was on her way up and that she said she had to date him for at least a week and a half for him to get any. Tomorrow makes a week. I don’t think it’ll last too long anyways even if she does sleep with him. They just don’t really seem to mesh well together. But it doesn’t matter because my girlfriend is hotter than his girlfriend, Lol…. She really is too. Alicia is really pretty. Anyways Jamie got there soon after I did so I left them to be alone together. Jamie wanted me to be there with her but I didn’t want to want them kissing. I mean I’m getting there but I’m so not totally over him. I still love the guy you know what I mean. Last night I hung out with him all night. I hope he doesn't get in too much trouble.

Justin got mad at me AGAIN!!!!!

Friday I stayed home from school and the social worker came over
mom and Matt started fighting in front of her so I pissed off because I was embarrassed and went next door to Justin's. He couldn't even tell that I wanted to talk. All he wanted to do was watch Half-Baked and call Jamie on my phone the JERK!We got in a big fight that night because I guess I was being a cock-block again, when I wasn't! I didn't tell Christi to stay away from Justin or anything. He's just a paranoid jerk!

Saturday I woke up and took a shower and went back up to my room and Kyle showed up with a note from Justin. The note said that Justin wanted to end our friendship and I got really depressed and my wrist is kinda in bad shape now but I'm gonna get over it and over him. He's such a lozer and he isn't worth my time. He uses me and makes me feel bad so I need to get over him! Anyways I got dressed and went to whine to Kyle (my bestest friend) at Justin's. When Justin saw that it was me at the door he made a face and went back into his room. Kyle walked me down to Nick's house and while I was sitting there a couple of tears ran down my cheeks. I haven't been able to cry in a long time so that was a good thing. Kyle started playing the video game and forgot that Justin was expecting hime right back so Justin broke his house arrest and went down to Nick's to get Kyle. Before Kyle left I wanted a hug and Justin was all "don't hug her!" Justin is sooo immature! I wrote notes to both Kyle and Justin while I was at Nick's. In the one to Justin I tried to be very matture and ok with us ending our friendship. It was hard to write those lies but I knew it was what he wanted to hear. I walked up the hill to give the boys the notes but Rose had taken Justin to work so I just hung out with Kyle at Justin's. Brett and Nick fell in the brook right after Kiwi and Angela left them. Stupid Boys! Anyways I want to get this published so I'll sum it um... I left before Justin got home but Alicia called and wanted to talk to Brett. Really she wanted me to peak through the windows to spy on him but that was just a little too weird so I went inside and gave him the phone. I stayed there waiting for my phone. When he finally got off the phone with Alicia he called Christi. I stayed over there listening to Justin's stupid first-ever-fight he got into story until like 4 in the morning. Oh yeah I called Travis and he was waiting for a call but he made me promise to call him Sunday because he really wanted to talk to me I guess but when I called on Sunday he wasn't there anyway. Stupid boy! Sunday something happened....I don't remember...I'm a pot-head.... I know I stayed at Justin's till like 12 and I had to do his laundry and clean his room. He's such a user!!!!!

Justin went to jail!

Oh my gosh. Ok so much has happened since the last time I wrote. Last Wensday I didn't go to school so I couldn't go to the Edge so instead I called up Jaylyn. We talked for like an hour. I missed her. Then I called Travis again,I had called him before I called Jaylyn but his line was busy. Anyways this time I got through and guess what....his voice changed. We talked for like an hour. He played his new band's demo for me and we talked about music and or lives and all kinds of stuff. He gave me his new screenname and his dad's number because he's coming up next weekend and I want to see him to give him his christmas present. Oh also last Wensday I finished up night school. I got a 94! Alicia and Justin broke up that day too. I wanted to be there for both of them but I couldn't go out because I didn't go to school. That sucked. Later on in the night Justin came over to use the phone and when he was leaving he asked if I was gonna go over to his house and I go "I can't" my mom wouldn't let me. He ended up getting pretty high and drunk that night which made me mad. I couldn't stop him if I had tried I guess but I still wish I had tried. Thursday I went to school on time so that I could hang out with Justin afterschool right... So I go to school and I had detention that night too so I was at school till 5pm. I call for a ride home from detention and Sam answered the phone. Mom and Matt weren't home but she had some interesting news for Me Justin was in jail. That was my biggest fear. That I would go to school and when I got back he would be gone. Either moved away or in jail, and it happened. My biggest fear. I practically ran down the hill from Cony. I went to the store and stole two giant candy bars because stealing usually makes me feel better but it sisn't so I went to the Edge looking for Kyle. He wasn't there but Kiwi and Jamie were so they walked with me to Nick's house but Kyle wasn't there either so me and Jamie walked up to Justin's and found the boys. I went to my house to get my cigerettes and when I went back out Brett was telling me that everyone went back to Nick's. Brett told me a secret which made me feel a little better. And they told me that Justin was only in jail till Saturday.Thank God! cause I was flipping out. The boys walked Jamie home around 8:40 and Kiwi called a cab at 9. When I went back to Justin's after waiting with Kiwi for her cab the boys were gone to the pay phone. I talked to Rose for half an hour. I walked Kyle home at 11. I went to school on the bus on Friday.