Bobby's Baby... (today is leap year day)

I went to the hospital last night with Jesy after Clubhouse.... after she was done in the ER we went up to maternity to see Bobby's baby.... he's adorable.... They named him Robert Jay Cooper and Bobby's gonna call him Bliss.... He's (Bobby) so happy.... I wanna be happy for him but I'm not.... I'm miserable.... Miserable because the man I love is happy... I am such a horrible person! I hate myself! I can't stand myself... I'm such a loser... no one will ever love me... I don't deserve to be loved anyway... who would love a girl who's obsessed with her ex-non-boyfriend? He was all giddy and smiley showing Jess and me pictures of the baby, pictures of Chrystal with the baby, him with the baby, them together with the baby, them kissing… I played it cool the entire time I was there but inside my heart kept breaking into smaller and smaller pieces. He is just so damn happy… with another girl… not me… why not with me??? Where did I go wrong??? Why do I go on day to day??? When everyday just brings more misery??? More depression??? More thoughts of cutting and suicide??? I just hurt all over. And to top it all off… I smoked a cigarette to calm myself down when I hadn’t had one in 10 days… I’m such a loser!!!!!!!!