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hey everybody... Kyle updated his blog so check it out... I'm at Central Maine Community Colledge right now... maybe I will go to this school just for computer acess... I miss being able to write everyday.... I have an entire entry typed up at home about Bobby and Sean and Karma and all the shit that's been going on and stuff but I haven't transfered it yet... maybe tomarrow... My beautiful Jenyfer might be coming down this weekend... I don't have to work yay!... but next week I have to go in at 5:30am some days... that will suck... I'm gonna see if i CAN STAY WITH kIM... WELL i GOTTA GO... WRITE MORE LATER... damn it i hit caps lock

I'm alive

Just wanted everyone to know that I'm still alive.... it's been a while since I last wrote anything... I've been busy a lot lately.... um... I love with my mom again for anyone who didn't know... I share a room with Cullen... it sucks but I have to deal ya know... I work at McDonalds... I don't know if I've wrote that on here yet or not... I like it a lot better than Subway though it's hard to not eat the food... I never have any money and we only get a 50% off thing... we don't get free food... well until later peoples... read this survey I took.... Oh and I like someone... if you know me then you know who I'm talking about...

tHINK oF 20 oF yOUR fRIENDS
1:	Kyle
2:	Jenyfer
3:	Justin
4:	Sean
5:	Leola
6:	Jessi
7:	Kiwi
8:	Tori
9:	Bobby
10:	Bethie
11:	Cindy
12:	Kevin
13:	Missy
14:	Scott Chapin
15:	Josh
16:	Kayla
17:	Monica
18:	Cora
19:	Brett
20:	Amber
How did you meet 13?:	I met her through Kyle when I was in Iowa
What would you do if you never met 5?:	How could I not have... she's my cousin????
What do you honestly think of 10?:	She's awesome
Would or did 19 and 8 date?:	probably if they knew each other
Have you ever liked 3?:	hells yeah
If 1 died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need him/her to know?:	I love him more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life
Would 2 and 11 make a good couple?:	lol... they're both straight so no...
When you think of 7 what 3 words come to mind::	Jimmy, Jimmy, and Steve
Do you think 12 is hot?:	fucking right!
Would 1 and 17 make a lovely couple?:	no not really...
What do you think when you see 8?:	Super Duper Spectacular
Tell me something humiliating about 11.:	no... that's mean
Do you know any of 3\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s family members?:	yeah like practically the whole family....
What\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s 20\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s f:	????
On a scale of 1-10 how cute is 14?:	8
What would you do if 4 just professed their undying love for you?:	laugh
What language does 19 speak?:	retard... lol... j/k english
Is 9 a boy or a girl?:	definatly male
Would 18 and 4 make a good couple?:	nope....
What grade is 17 in?:	graduated
When was the last time you talked to 12?:	a few weeks ago... jerk!
What is 3\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s favorite band?:	staind I think for the moment but I haven't talked to him in a while
Does 1 have any siblings?:	yeah... Keri, Elana, and Kaylee
Would you ever date 6?:	no
Would you ever date 7?:	already have
Is 15 single?:	nope
what is 19s last name?:	Blake
What is 5\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s middle name?:	May
What is 10\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s fantasy?:	no idea
Would 14 and 19 make a good couple?:	lol no way
What school does 16 go to?:	graduated
What school does 1 go to?:	Mason City High
Where does 9 live?:	near here
Would you make out with 6?:	already have
Are 2 and 5 best friends?:	no I'm both they're best friends... but they are friends
Is 20 older than you?:	no
Take this survey Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

I'm sorry but I need to do this. I am so Fucked in the head!!!!!!!!!I'm back to that crying with no tears bullshit... that's all these pills are doing... making the tears stop so know one will know, no one will try to help me anymore, I'll end up bottling everything again and hurting myself or just fucking going crazy with built up emotions. I keep telling everybody all my buisness.... I tell Jen because I'm in love with her... plain and simple... I try to tell her everything.... there's stuff I keep from her sure but that's just because I'm sure she doesn't want or care to know some things about me ya know... my life was pretty boring before I met Justin.... god he changed me... what have I become.... I moved on from Kevin in the sexual way... I started by letting Josh in... it pulled me away from Kevin a little bit... not enough though and I kept lusting for him. It didn't really go off the way I wanted it to... "Was I amazing?" I ask... "as always" he says and yawns... that made me feel like shit.... he yawned like it was nothing. Then "Tinkerbelle" (the best christmas present ever!) pulled me away - a lot.... AMAZING... and I fell in love with a girl for the first time.... Yeah Jen it's been that long... I love you hunny. And then the "I love you, now go away" happened and I seriously thought I hated him... I was so angry and disappointed because I thought we were friends and that we did things for each other because we are friend and we love each other... I would do anything for him... anything at all... just because he's my friend... who cares that I'm in love with him... that's the way I am about my close friends...Tori, Kyle, Jen, Justin, Leola, Kevin, Brett, Jessi, Kiwi, Bethie, Cindy, Monica, Jaylyn, Lisa, Becca, Erin, Angelina, Ashley Y, Larry. Russell, Melissa, Sean, NaToni, Cora, Tim, Alicia, Nick... and anyone who I've missed I'm really sorry but I am also really *positive* which is why I'm freaking out here...


cant finish... write more later