Ok everyone... I didn't remember until today when she told me that Staurday is Jen's Birthday. Now it is also the same day we're having the taping for Kyle so everyone is already invited... the only thing is no one realized it was Jen's birthday so now I'm throwing her a sorta party like thing and everyone has to try to bring a present for her so she doesn't feel like all her Augusta friends have forgotten about her. OK so for everybody who doesn't know... Saturday November 5th is Jenyfer Clark's 15th birthday... if you are friends with her or with Kyle James Sanchez. I am leaving soon for Iowa and bringing the tape with me for Kyle so he can have something to remember all his friends and stuff and then I am thinking about a secound tape for Jen since its her birthday and all... or maybe we can just record more onto her old tape... yeah that will work.. I'll have her bring it down and stuff... that will be so cool...

12:20am.... Just got off the phone with Justin!

So... I'm still weirdly jealous that NaToni may get back with Justin... finally got to talk to Justin today by the way... I guess he didn't tell his roomates to blow me off yesterday... they did that all on their own... whatever... I had so much news to tell him... I love that kid... he's like the best... I hope he's ok... I hope he always stays safe and gets his life back together and becomes someone respected in society because we all know that's what he strives for - respect.

How's it been going with Kevin? You ask... well today I was crying laying in bed and Kev just comes in and stares at me crying and then I asked him for a hug and he said "Do I have to?"... No Kevin you don't have to... you don't have to be a good friend and know that all I need is a hug and a few words to come out of your mouth and I'd be ok... but I can't get anything even remotely sweet outta him... last night when I told him I loved him... I meant it more than any other time I've ever said it... I really and truly meant what I said and I realized that , that was me telling him I'm in love with him and he didn't even realize it... He even said he loved me back... not meaning it the same way I did but he still said it and that made me feel good...

And... have I heard from Kyle yet? you ask... well no... I haven't heard from Kyle yet... at least I don't have to worry about him being dead anymore... he did update his blog and stuff... wouldn't that have sucked if I spent $170 just to go down there for his funeral because he got hit by a car or something and no one had any way to let me know... ohgod now I'm thinking about Kyle dying again and I'm about to cry... grrr... earlier I was talking to Kevin and crying and I was like "I wish Kyle lived across the street" and Kevin was like "Well I'm sorry I'm not Kyle... that I can't make myself be Kyle" and I'm like "I'm sorry about that too" and he was like "fine then" and he was like trying to leave but I was like "I love you too, I just miss Kyle a real lot" Then Guido showed up and Kev ran out to the living room ahead of me and whispered something to Guido. When I went out there I asked Tim for a hug and Kevin was like "Oh... I so called it"... lol... Tim gave me and Kev some *positive* and then left... we smoked and I felt so much better....

3:10am - Just got off the phone with Kyle.... yay!
After I walked Kevin home at 10 I went to my mom's and got on the computer... started talking to NaToni who was talking to Justin on the phone... ended up calling Justin and talking to him for an hour. When he had to go at like midnight I got back online and soon after Kyle signed on... I freaked out... cause you know me... I do that... and he was at his friend Scottie's so I used up my other hour talking to Kyle on the phone... Ohmygosh... he told his friends about the stuff that happened between us this summer... and he told his girlfriend... I am gonna be so embarrassed when I get down there but... fuck it who cares I get to see my Ky-Ky... my bestest friend in the whole wide world! Guess what... ya know how I was trying to keep it a secret from Kyle about when exacally I will be leaving for Iowa... well... my stupid dumbass brother has already told him so for everyone who doesn't know... I'm leaving on Nov 10th... yes that's 4 days before Kevin's birthday... and yes... that does suck! But at least I know I will find a way to call Kevin on his birthday and I can make Kyle talk to him too... that way his two best friends will get to talk to him on his birthday... Kyle couldn't call Justin on his birthday and stuff but at least if I'm down there I know I will find a way to get Kyle and Kevin to talk on Kev's birthday. Anyways... I will be in Iowa at... what is it 5:15pm on the 12th... then I have to leave on the 25th so that I can be back on the 27th... so long of a bus ride.... but hey I'll deal. If I get to see my best friend and talk to him and hug him and everything that I need him so bad for... then... I will be fine... I can deal... I love Kyle too much to just not go down to see him... I love him too much to let him forget about me... I will never forget him no matter what because... like I say... he is what I am most thankful for... Kyle... Kevin... and Justin.... but Kyle most of all... which is why I must be with him for Thanksgiving.

Well I'm done... for now I guess... write more from school later today... I hope... if I can wake up for it in time...