Pissed Off

Ok let me start off with the fact that I am in a really, really, bad mood.... I am so beyond pissed and depressed and I've decided to say fuck off mormans because I just can't be like that.... I tried... I really did but it just doesn't work for me.... I get depressed too easily... I try to make it so nothing effects me... I'm trying to live life day to day and make the best of it... but how am I suppose to do that when my world keeps falling apart on me? When everyone I know and love leaves me or fights with me on a daily basis.... when my best friend in the entire world in 2,316 miles away from me and is never gonna come see me ever again... never gonna walk down my street and knock on my window with a stick or throw rocks or.... nothing... never even gonna knock on my door ever again.... why do I even think of him still? Why can't I get Kyle outta my head??? The pain of not having him in my life is haunting me more than Justin, Kevin, Tori, and Jen combined and it's not because I don't love them... because believe me... I do.... but... Kyle meant so much to me.... he's my best friend....who I would still give my life for even though I'm scared to die.... I wouldn't do it for anyone else... I'm too scared.... but if it was between me or Kyle..... I would choose to die.... I'm listening to Mr Lonely.... remembering that time I was on the phone with Kyle using Matt's cell and he was singing this song to me.... and I was bawling my eyes out.... and Matt made me say goodbye and get off the phone.... he never sings to me anymore.... we never even talk anymore... so why do I still miss him???? I started to write this all pissed off... I was gonna write about how great my yesterday was and how today I smoked a cigerette for the first time in 3 days... I had 2 drags on Justin's birthday in his honer because he's the one who started me smoking so I took a couple drags ... before that I hadn't had any drags for like 3 days.... anyways I was pissed off and now I'm just sad and depressed and I miss Kyle.... I'm gonna go make a new Kyle collage because I miss him so much... it should be up soon...*sighs*.... well gtg...