Georgia Nicholson is my hero

I gotta learn to not go back and read old blog entries.... I just made myself so depressed... reading about a time when I was suisidal and tried to drown myself... it was right after Kyle had left and.... anyways... Angelina moived in with us on Aug 6th... how do you explain that one Kev????... you said it was while she was living with us and she moved in with us on August 6th making it after you and Jen closed the relationship.... you know why this is stuck in my head Kevin.... it wouldn't have been such a big deal in my head if you hadn't made such a point of dumping me as ur FWB because the relationship with Jen was closed.... you can do stuff with Angelina with a closed relationship but not with me...that's why I'm so stuck on this... and Jen if you read this I'm sorry.... I know it's wrong of me to still want to do stuff with him when you guys had a closed relationship but I did and he turned me down.... that's why at first I never believed he would cheat on you... I didn't believe him about Angelina at first... I thought he was making it up.... but why wouldn't he deny it after he got in so much trouble for it if it were just made up... am I confusing anyone?.... cause I'm confusing myself...
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I am in such a better mood these days then I was way back when... I mean... I still have absolutly nothing going for me.... Justin still hates me.... Jes is still locked up... Jen is still just outta reach and Kyle thinks everything and it's brother anything is more important than me but... I'm still in such a better mood... as long as I'm alone with a computer and I see my little baby's face everyday and hear her say she loves me... I feel better...maybe it's this whole morman thing... I'm not letting things get to me the way they used to... maybe it's the fact that I got to eat yesterday for the first time in like a month... I mean real food not snack cakes or something... and I'm exercising which means I'll be losing weight... I'll be skinny in no time riding back and forth between here and Laura's and the libraries and stores and such... not smoking... maybe that's it... this is the third day no cigerettes... yay me... I've been trying to quit for 5 days now and haven't had even a drag off one in 3 days.... plus I turned down Bobby.... he didn't turn me down... I turned him down... I still like him and all but I realize he is way too young for me and immature and I just can't deal with that... it was fun whiles it lasted but it's over now and I am so moving on... all of a sudden I want a job... I want to get a place for me and Jesy so she can get away from that asshole baby's daddy of hers... Jes and me can raise the baby ourselves... I hope its a girl.... The fact that Brett has a girlfriend once again isn't even getting to me... so what if I can't get any from him lol.... I'm celebit... at least for now... at least for a while... I don't wanna have sex... it makes me develop these weird feelings and I hate feelings... I was gonna try with Kenny but when my ankel looked all retarded and bloodly I was like... what is the point? I mean really???? I am so turning my life around... I will be happy eventually... I'm not saying I'm happy now... don't think that... I'm just not as depressed as I once was... I'm proud of myself and that's making me feel better because... if I can quit smoking... maybe I can quit with the overeating and I can keep up with the exercize and not cutting... it's been like awhile since I've cut too... like a long while... my ankel is all healed up... still discoloured but healed...
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and of course I still miss all my friends.... the Iowaians and the Houtenians and the Norregewockians (lol) I do miss them... I always will but it's a new kind of missing... I don't really know how to explain it but... lets start with Kyle... he may ignore me and think some dumb movie is more important then talking to his besty friend but ya know what I don't care anymore... I know I love him... the way he was and the way he is and he can do whatever he wants because if it makes him happy to watch some stupid movie instead of talk to me on the phone... well then... let him be happy... why should I get my knickers in a bunch over it.... sorry I read Confessions of Georgia Nicholsen all night lol... I've been reading a lot lately too... I read Startled By His Furry Shorts and I read The Earth, My Butt and Other Big Round Things and I read Keeping You A Secret and... so many books... Georgia makes me happy... I luuuuurrrrrrve her as she would say.... has anyone read those books???... Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging? On the Bright Side, I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God? Knocked Out By My Nugga-Nuggas? Dancing In My Nuddy Pants? Away Laughing On A Fast Camel? And Then He Ate My Boy Entrancers? or obviously Startled By His Furry Shorts? Georgia is so cool and funny and awesome-ish.... vair vair amusing... everyone should read her books....
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Why am I in such a good mood when everything is bad... maybe it's my bike... I absolutely love my bike... except the seat cause it hurts my bum-oley(GN) but it gets me places so much quicker and like going downhill is the most amazing thrill ever.... I love it.... though I do wish I had a car and could drive... that would be nice... then I would drive to Houlten for Justin's birthday whether he wanted me there or not... and I would drive to Manchester to pick up Jessi and I would drive to Gardnier to see Brett and I would go to Norredgewock to see Jenyfer and of course I would kidnapp them all and drive to Mason City.... that is... if I had my licence and a car.... but... since I have niether one of these things... it looks like I am stuck in disgusta for the remainder of my days screaming "help! help! I'm drowning in toxic sludge help!" lol.... more GN... lol... I lvoe the way she talks.... like "mad" and "Loons" and "nugga-nuggas"... also of course "snogging"... can you believe that means kissing? lol.... hahahaha jeesh... and we live in Hamburger-a-gogo land... aka America.... lol... I really like those books....
*yawn* I'm playing solitaire... I love it... really I do... but *yawn* it gets boring after a while.... plus I really must be going.... posting this and riding my bike to the library to post pics on photobucket which is vair vair amazing! yes I did say amazing... it just doesn't have the same affect on me these days...no one has been amazed by me lately and I probably won't amaze anyone anytime soon... that is included in my celebitcy(sp?)... *sighs*
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Well I believe that is all for now... I must say goodbye cruel world lol...(GN is awesome!)