Well Kev's gone.....

Kevin just left for camping with the boys group.... After all that bugging me he did to be on my list as one of my best friends... now I've decided he's not one. He doesn't treat me the way he used to. He found out something about me and now..... he acts different. Like this he doesn't love me crap. I love him so much.... he suppose to be one of my best friends, and he used to say it all the time. He would always say he loved me... I'm one of those people who like to be reminded.... but now anytime I tell him I love him, he just says "uh huh sure" or "I bet you do." And then today I go "I love you Kevy, do you love me?" and he goes "Not particually"... I don't need that. It makes me feel bad. All my friends say they love me. Even ones who are just aquaintances and he's suppose to be one of the best. Great... now I'm crying and he's the only one I had... and now he's gone too... what am I gonna do? I want to call Justin but it's too early and I can't call Jen till after 9 on the cell cause it's not a weekend. I stayed up all night to see him off and he didn't even hug me goodbye.... much less say he loved me when I said it to him. And Justin is suppose to be the mean one.....
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Justin is becoming the sweet one.... yesterday on the phone I was telling him about my mom bitching about me going to job corps and he goes "Dude, you should. Then we could just chill out together all the time. Chill out on campus, or off campus" and he's like "We won't be able to do any drugs, but at least we'll have each other".... yep he said that... what a sweetheart right? Then when he had to go he said he loved me.... I know only as a friend but he stopped saying "platonically"... thank god because that was getting annoying. I always knew what he meant. He's never been in love with me, I know that but... I don't know. It's kinda scary... but I think Justin and Kyle are on the same level now... like... I don't know... the other day when he was like "I can't believe I'm not higher than Kyle" I felt kinda bad and I got to thinking about it... and... Justin... even being in that place... has been there for me a lot lately. I mean... Kyle kinda can't help it... but I've needed someone a lot lately and... I can't go to Kevin... he's too immature and he doesn't like to talk to me much... he's always using me.... asking me to give him back massages and shit. I guess it's kinda hard for Justin to use me what with him being way the fuck out there in nowheresville. He still tries though... wanting me to bring him magic cards.
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But still... Kev hates it that I say he acts like his brother but it's true. The more I'm around Kevin... the meaner he gets. The farther I am away from Justin... the sweeter he gets... absence makes the heart grow fonder... I guess that's true. So I'm kinda scared about being around Justin at Job Corps all the time. I mean I know we'd have a lot of work to do and stuff.... which... I am so lazy... but we'd still have a lot of time to be together and we both know that when we get together we like to fight.
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I can't believe Kevy doesn't even care anymore... after all that shit he put me through. He used to say I was his journal but now... he never talks to me anymore. What the hell happened?.... I know what happened.... *amazing* happened.... damnit! I hate this... my back hurts and I'm so tired. Kev doesn't care about me at all.... why doesn't he? What did I do wrong?
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And we always joke around about everything when we're around other people... but when it's just me and him and I'm trying to have a regular conversation with him he gets all defensive and crap and shuts right up. he won't even say words to me... he just mumbles... and then he always needs to be high. It's like he can't have fun without being stoned... he has a problem with that. I mean... getting stonded is fun... but I for one don't want to make it my fucking life. Ok I am fucking tired so nightez all... oh fuck I have to call Lyndsey. I'll only talk for a little while cause I've been up for 21 hours.... *yawns*