Mad at the world.......

I'm actually quite mad at the world around me right now... nothing seems to be going right.... I have a horrible cold... I've been fighting with all my friends constantly... I feel like everybody hates me... I feel like picking up an old habit just to make myself feel a little better...until I think of Justin and how dissapointed he would be in me. I have no idea why his opinion matters so much to me but it really does. I'm still thinking about writing a letter to Jonathan explaing how I felt about him and how I'm so much better off now because he never led me on like a certain few people who's names I won't mention..... he never made out with me and then decided he wanted my sister instead, he never made out with me and made me keep it a secret, he never cheated on his gf with me and got mad when she found out, he never made out with me once and decided he never wanted to see me again... He never made out with me at all and even though at the time I thought that was a bad thing, I now realize how nice it was of him. To not lea me on and make me think there's something there when there wasn't... not for him at least... He was my first love... or was Russell?... well he was one of my first loves and I have since moved on to someone who is way more suited for me to love... Justin really is like the perfect conterpart... we have a lot in common and a lot of differences... we fit together so well yet we fight like a married couple...it's crazy. If I had got with Jonathan... I would be such a different person right now... and I probably never would have looked twice at Justin, or Kevin, or even Kyle.... Me and Kyle probably wouldn't be such good friends if it weren't for my stupid attraction to Justin... I know that's horrible but it's also the truth... I don't know... I do know that I have a major headache and I can't sleep beacause I came home from school and went to sleep for 5 hours... so I am so not tired... I'll get tired around the time for school to begin lol. I have to go to school anyways because I only have computer class and Foods class.... I don't even have to go to English or Art anymore because they were senior classes... I have to take my English final on Thursday... but other than that... yeah... so now I kinda have 3 study halls for the rest of the year. Yippie!... I still feel like I'm living in hell though.... ok I just popped a vicodin so hopefully my goddamn headache will go the fuck away... it really hurts... it's like my head is pounding... I hate being sick. I just wanna die ... right now... I don't care that I'll never see anyone again... I'm too depressed to care... only 3 weeks... I hate Kyle's mother....
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lol... Matt is talking about setting off his fireworks the other night... know what I was doing that night... lol... Kevin?.... oh wait I'm mad at him.... positive, positive, positive... yeah...
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Well it's midnight now and I gotta load some pics up to geocities so that i can delete them off the comp... it's getting really slow lately so I think the memory need to be wiped clean... maybe if I can figure out how, I'll run the disk clean-up... goodnight.