Long distance....?

I talked to Justin on Runescape. I don't know what it is. I mean I know 100% that I did love him with all my heart. But how can I do something make out with his brother if I still love him? How can I make out with his best friend and still love him? Maybe I don't love him... I'm so confused and I'm kinda scared to not be in love with him. He was my everything for so long. Now what will he be? I don't even get to see him anymore barely. I saw him today for a little while. I also found out that the place where he's staying out in Weeks Mills is not long distance from here but he might go to stay with his grandmother in Lisbon Falls and I don't know if that's long distance or not. I hope not, even though I guess it doesn't matter, he doesn't like to talk to me on the phone anyways. He also might run away with Nick if Nick ends up leaving state. I don't know what's gonna happen but it feels like my whole family is falling apart. My family being Justin, Kevin, and Kyle. Everything is getting so screwed up and I'm sinking in deep again. This sucks so bad!
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I kinda just want it all to end....
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I want everything to all melt away and it could with just a few little cuts on my wrist. At least for a little while the pain and thoughts would go away. Oh gosh now I'm crying.... I promised Justin I wouldn't but if he leaves and runs off with Nick and Spencer than that will be a promise I can't keep. I'll have no one left for boy bestfriends. Just a month ago everything was perfect. Christmas vacation was perfect. I just wish I could turn back time and make everything that has happened since then not happen. I would have gone to school the day Justin got into that big fight with OJ then maybe Justin would have been at my house playing Runescape all night instead of at his house drinking and fighting. I never would have made out with Kevin or Kyle but especially Kevin cause he's Justin's brother and Jen's boyfriend. I am such a horrible friend! I hate myself!