Justin's gone....But Kevin's here!

Ok so I'm happy that Kyle gets to sleep over and Kevin is in town for the weekend but not so happy cause well... Justin isn't here. Mom said he could stay here for the night but I guess he didn't want to so guess what Kyle is sleeping over. So that's cool. But I do miss Justin. He's mad at me, cause well...read the entry before this one and the one befor that one and you'll get it. I wasn't there for him. No one woke me up. And then I tried to talk to Justin about it but he wouldn't talk to me and I asked him why he didn't try to wake me up last night and he said "You were mad at me" so yeah now he went to his Grandfathers/Seans for the night and he might stay even longer. I asked him if he decides to stay longer will he call me and let me know and he's like "no" which really upset me too. It's not fair the way he treats me and he makes me feel bad about sticking up for myself. How does he do this to me? Why does he like making me feel like this? I care about him so much so it's not fair that he doesn't care about me at all. It really isn't! Jen says he cares about me a lot and he's just to insecure to let me know. But he only cares about me as a friend and nothing more. I guess he told her so or something and I really want to trust her but she said it when I was upset so she might have just been trying to make me feel better. I don't know. Earlier today my mom was trying to convince me tha Kevin was cuter than Justin and I was all like "Mom, I'm gonna forget you even said that" lol. I love Justin, I don't care if he's the uglyest guy in the world I still love him. I'm just..now I'm scared of him when he's drinking. He is one crazy fucking white boy! Kyle says two (lol) But yeah so I'm scared of him but I still love him. What the hell is wrong with me? So yeah I really miss Justin. I hope he comes back soon. I mean his brother is here and Kyle only has a little time left here with all his friends including Justin so you would think he would want to be here but he didn't want to be so close to his stepdad or something. Whatever, I just wish he was here. I can't think of anything else appropriate so I don't know.....
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Kiwi never reads this....some best friend she is huh?
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Jen does read it though....she's a good best friend.... I love her!