Last night

Last night there was a big crisis at Justin’s. Everyone got drunk and fought. Justin and Kyle came to my house in the middle of the night for help I guess, but no one woke me up. Can you imagine how that feels, knowing that your two best friends didn’t want your help in a crisis? I can’t believe they didn’t wake me up over something as big as this. I feel so worthless again, and the last time something like this happened Justin yelled at me because I’m “never there for him.” I would have woken up from a dead sleep last night to help him but no one asked me to. No one cared and now I feel really bad. It’s not fair. Not only that, but Justin might go back to jail again. Like what if I get home and he’s in jail? Or, Matt said his mom might just decide to send him away. If I get home and he’s gone, I will never forgive myself for going to school. Kyle’s there for him, and he’s just sleeping, but I don’t know.... If he’s not there when I get home after school I will be so upset with myself. The sad thing is though, last night me and Justin got into a big fight too. I fought with him about him not caring about me and only caring about my computer. He comes over and sits down at my computer and plays Runescape the whole time he’s suppose to be “visiting” me. The only time he’s at my house and stays away from my computer is when Jen’s there and then he’s not talking to me either, he’s flirting with her (not that it’s her fault). So yeah, I was being pretty mean to him. Saying he’s a bad friend and that he doesn’t care about me and shit. But even if that’s true, even if he is a bad friend, even if he doesn’t care about me, I figured he knew I cared about him. I figured that he knew I love him and he could come to me with his problems but I guess I really ain’t one of his best friends because if I was he would have wanted me there at least for support ya know, but he didn’t. I’m really sad that he didn’t think I would try to help him in any way possible because I would have. I would have done everything in my power to save his scrawny little butt, but no one woke me up to tell me he needed saving. Do you understand what I’m saying? Do you get it? Like...I don’t know... I feel really bad that he didn’t think he could count on me for help when he needed it. I really love him and I would do anything for him, all he has to do is ask. And when he asks me to do his dishes or clean his room or some crap I might say no, but for something serious, I can’t believe he doesn’t think I would be there for him. I just... everyone keeps telling me to stick up for myself and not let him take advantage of me so last night I did that. I stuck up for myself and didn’t let him take advantage of me and then he goes through a crisis and doesn’t come to me because of it and I feel really bad. That’s why I never stick up for myself. That’s why I let him use me the way he does because I love him and want to be there for him and... I don’t know. I guess I’m just a pushover but I love him and I’m really sad. Nice time for Kevin to come for a visit huh?