It's really not fair. What does she have that I don't have? The body sure I know that but he says it's not that. Why then do I feel like that's all she has over me. Justin and me are best friends. We're so comfortable with each other (most of the time) and we have fun together. We trust each other. He told me himself that if I were skinny I would be the one turning him down but I know I wouldn't. He thinks I would be snobby and too pretty to want anything to do with him. But I know I would have seen him for who he was and still love him. I don't know what it is but I think I would love him no matter what I looked like. He is my nexy door neighbor so I surely would have at least met him. It might have taken me longer to realize I love him because I would have other boyfriends but Jessie's beautiful and skinny and she fell for him. Why does he think I wouldn't if I was skinny? (I'm already beautiful I know, yeah right I wish) I don't know... all I know is this is how I am and I'm trying to change it to be perfect for him but it takes time. I have a lot to lose. I've already lost 20 lbs but I still have quite a way to go. I just hope that I get something out of it. I know I'm suppose to do it for myself but everybody knows I'm doing it for him. Sure I would like to be skinny. I would like to go to a store and buy a teeny-tiny little mini shirt and look sexy in it but I really don't care that much about my body. If He loved me this way I wouldn't be on no diet I would sexersize off the weight LOL just kidding but seriously I wouldn't be on a diet without him for my motivation. I want him so bad I'll do anything for him. Today my mom was reading a magazine and there was an article about some girl who helped her boyfriend cover up that he killed his dad and I was like I would help Justin cover up a murder if he wanted me to. Hell, if he asked I would help him murder the person. Now I know that's a little sick but I mean it I would do anything for that boy, even go to jail I love him so much. Everyone tries to tell me I don't really love him because he doesn't love me back but I seriously think I do. I don't know how I can prove it or explain it but I do love him. And It's not like one little thing that makes me love him. I love everything about him. Even the fact that he can be a royal asshole to me and he makes me feel worthless and shit all the time yet I still love him more and more. Yes I get angry at him but I always forgive him because...I don't know. Justin says I'm just lonely so I attached onto him and say I love him but it's not like I've only felt this way for a little while. I've been in love with him for two years in March. TWO YEARS! That's a long time. I have been in love before yes I admit it. I was in love with Russell for a year and Jonathan for a year too but Justin has been the one in my heart for 2 years. He's the one I have all the great memories with. He's the one I can still talk to about anything (exsept him of course). He's the one I have fun with. He's my best friend! (other than Kyle of course) I trust him more than almost anyone in the world and I really do want to be with him forever. I think that's love. I don't know. I guess that's it I might have school today depending on how bad the snow is by the time I wake up.......
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I really do love him you guys....
who reads this anyways....
do I even have any friends....
at all....
prove to me I have friends and leave a message...
please....
I'll love you forever.......