Yeah so

ok so I'm way depressed again... Jesy left for Norredgewock yesterday and now I have nothing to do and I'm so lonely... it's reaching the not coming back point where I just wanna lock myself in a room and never come out.... too bad I don't have a bedroom to lock myself into... it's also starting to get cold outside so if I wind up on the streets... sigh... well I need a way to make some money because Thanksgiving is coming in a few months... like 3 months and I want to be in Iowa with Kyle.... he is still the person I am most thankful for... I am thankful for Jen and Kevin and all my other friends too but.... yeah... it's Kyle and I want to be with him for thanksgiving like I have been the past 2 years....
.
.
I miss him and Tori so much... and I haven't talked to either one of them in a long ass time...
.
.
I miss Justin and Kevin too....
.
.
This song reminds me of all my friends who are so far away:

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

I wish Kyle felt this way:
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

.
.
.
.
You know if he had told me I had no choice... that I had to stay with him... that I couldn't go back... instead of saying "I want you here but go if you wanna go" or whatever... I would have stayed... I would have given up everything to be with him... sometimes I get scared that I love him too much... so much that I would give up everything for him.. and that scares me... i mean... he's only my friend.... my best friend but still only a friend... maybe somewhere deep down I am in love with him and I just don't realize it because as I'm writing this my eyes are filling with tears thinking about Kyle... not Justin... but Kyle and that scares me into thinking there's something there that I just don't see.... is that possible... to be in love with someone and not even know it??? I'm so confused....
.
.
well I gotta go and get some stuff done... it's not like anyone cares about me missing my friends anyways and its not like anyone reads this at all...
.
.
http://www.myspace.com/tiffyjean86