here I am

Here I am going on and on about how much I want to kill myself and do I even get one comment... no.. and do you know why I don't get any comments... because no one cares... I never get any comments no one cares if I live or die so why do I even bother??? That's ok though because after I finish typing all my goodbyes I'm gonna put this on my xanga, tagged, and myspace too... and after I'm gone... maybe someone will think to cheak this to see what my very last thoughts were running through my head before I took my life.... so fuck you all for not caring when you had a chance...
.
.
Justin... I was, am, and even in the afterlife always will be in love with you.... for you are still the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I close my eyes and drift away... and even though you are not really the cause of my suiside the fact remains that you will be the last thing running through my head before I jump, or drown, or eat a ton of pills and go to sleep forever... you meant so much to me... I wish you could have seen through your superficial eyes to see my heart and how much it longs for you... no one will ever love you as much as I do... I don't care if you get married and some girl says she loves you... she might... but she will only love you a portion of how much I love you.... no one will ever compare... you could have had the world... I would have given it to you if I could...you know that... I tried so hard to be everything you ever wanted.... I just couldn't do it.... and I'm sorry.... goodbye Justin David Tilkins... don't forget what you could have had.... me.
.
.
Brett... thank you... you know what for... you were awesome...
.
.
Sean... "it's a booty call... it's a booty call"... seems like that was really all I was to you... but whatever... you weren't the first to use me like that... but hey... I just realized... you were the last...
.
.
Bobby.... you were everything I ever wanted in a guy... and yet for once I didn't fall in love... for a while I admit I thought I was going to.... but it was faulse hope that I could be over Justin... you were a good friend... you tried to help sometimes... my favorite memory with you is when I was about to leave for Iowa and we just sat on the couch and you hugged me... held me really... while I cried... you didn't say anything... you just let me cry... it reminded me of Kyle (The holding part) and Kevin (the not saying anything while I cry part)... it was so perfect and it made me not want to leave you... but I did... and I came back... and you were done with me... you said you want to just be friends... but with you... I can't do it