Yeah so....

yeah so I wasn't done saying my goodbyes yet so I'm back.... I haven't done it yet... though I still want to.... more than anything... I don't want to be tied down to one place anymore... going to Iowa did make me realize one thing... I don't want to stay in one place I want to travel.... if I stay alive that is... because I am still seriously considering suiside as the solution to all my problems... it's the only way I won't be a burden on anyone.... it's the only way to make my mind stop running with all the thoughts I have going on in there... like... Kyle's so far away.... Tori's so far away... Bobby doesn't want me anymore... Justin never wanted me and now he hates me... Kevin used me.... My mom is a fucking low-life fucking cunt, Jessi isn't allowed to be with me... I really liked her... and she can't stand up to her fucking boyfriend and tell him to fuck off so she must not like me as much as she says she does.... everyone is out to fuck me over.... the whole Bethie and Bobby thing really got to me... the fact that I haven't heard from a certain guy since the last booty call he made to me... that's all I am to guys... none of them want to date me... they just use me for sex and sexual favors and I never get anything in return... I thought girls would be somewhat better but there's still all sorts of complications... and ya know what.... just because I'm bitter cause I haven't gotten any in a while isn't why I want to kill myself... it's just the tip of the iceburg... I'm homeless.... I have no hopes of ever getting a home.... I'm jobless.... and I don't want a job because it would tie me down to one place and I just can't have that anymore... so what if I don't want to grow up... it's like my favorite ICP song.... "FUCK THE WORLD"... I'm so sick of it that I can't stand it.... and my mom and Sam saying that Jessi should go stand on the corner and be a hooker to pay off my cell-phone bill if she loves me so much.... well fuck that... that is what I consider unforgiveable.... I am never going to forgive them for that... Sam can take her Pussycat Dolls tickets and shove them up her fucking ass for all I care because I don't want to be near her whiny ass ever again... I'm sick of her shit... she's a fucking cunt who I am old enough to not have to deal with anymore.... I would rather sleep in a garbage can then ever stay in the same house as my little sister ever again....
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Jessi.... like I said... I don't think you care about me as much as you say you do... if I had a boyfriend who told me to dump you... specially one I'm not even in love with.... I would tell him to fuck off and if he couldn't handle it then I would break up with him... even if he is the father of my child because your the one who made me happy... I talked about you constantly while I was in Iowa.... bragged really.... I liked you so much.... and now it's all over.... I feel like I wasn't good enough... but then again... I know I'm not good enough so I guess I was re-taught my lesson....
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Leola... hey cuz... I'll miss you... at least you still have Niomi.... seems like you like her a lot more then you like me anyways... well I still love you...
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once again i gotta go...