Yesterday was awesome... and I'm still depressed...

Ohmygawd yesterday was awesome…. I got kicked off the computer in the library when my psychology class came in and needed the computers to look up an article… I told Ms Michaud about transferring to night school and she thought that was a good idea. I called mom and Matt came and picked me up… I went to McDonalds and bought a large chocolate milkshake (yum) I went home and found out that Subway was robbed the night before. (Bangor St) This isn’t the awesome part peoples… I took a nap till 4:30ish when I got up and dressed for work. I got into another fight with Jessi so now I’m basically just going to ignore her from now on… I called Jen (with my not-free minuets) and talked to her for about 13mins… I was late to work again because even though I went to Mom’s half an hour early she thought it was too early to go so I had to wait and I ended up being late because the road was blocked… Dave ended up giving me a ride to work and the new manager talked to me about being late…. Still not awesome yet… I did juices and chips, ice, boxes, and trash and as I was changing a trash bag…. Jaylyn walked in! Ohmygawd… I was just talking about her with Emily yesterday and the night before I had been so sad because Cullen ruined the door me and her painted. That made me so ecstatic! I missed her so much… I guess her and Ed (her boyfriend) are living in Livermore Falls…
Anyways not only that but…. KEVIN CALLED ME! I was out front making sandwiches and I didn’t hear it go “Hallelujah” but when I went out back I had a missed call… actually I had two missed calls and one was from Kevin… I took out the boxes and trash and called him back… I was like “Did you call me?” and he was like “sadly yes” but I don’t care because he called me…. Ahhhh crazy….
After I got out of work Jaylyn and her boyfriend picked me up and we drove around town a bit… we went to McDonalds to see if Emily was working but she wasn’t so I called her… she couldn’t come hang out with us… it was a school night and late so her mom said no… When I got home I called Kevin back but he was asleep… I forgot to call Jen but I called Kyle’s house… he wasn’t home; he was at Wall-mart with Josh and Kayla and Kyle McLaughlin. When I got off the phone with him I went to sleep… I woke up at 3am and watched Return to Neverland with Gabby then Trollies and I took a shower during Barney… then I left for school. I tried to call Jen while I was at the bus stop thinking maybe she hadn’t left for school yet but she must have because no one answered. I came to school and talked to Crystal and Liana and Mary and Emily…. Then I went to the library and Ms Hardison’s class came in so I was kicked off my computer… Michaela and Paige were in here for study hall so Michaela looked at my photos and I went through my negatives… then we went to her homeroom with Liana and Mary and Krysten… I took a cool pic of all of them with my phone… and then when homeroom was over I came here… but seeing Jaylyn was awesome and the fact that Kevin called me was almost too good to be true…
Ok… I was just practically crying… Justin wrote a blog entry and I wrote him back a comment: my number is (207)446-5628 (Alicia).... I got into another fight with her (Jessi) and ya know what... you are better than her and I don't care how much you love her she doesn't deserve it.... at all... I love you but I don't want to have anything to do with her anymore... so no you wont be able to talk to her even if you call me... let her go get a cell phone to call you herself or for you to call her because I don't approve... right now... I basically hate her and I don't care what anyone thinks about that... not even you and if you decide you don't want to be my friend anymore because I hate her than I'm sorry because I love you and you are my best friend and I don't know what I would do without you but if you choose her over me then so be it... I was already afraid you were going to... It's not like we spent anytime together when you were here... the only time you spent with me was when I went to her house to visit you... and that one night she was busy doing god only knows with Trapper... I am so over being friends with someone who doesn't care enough about themselves to keep their legs together and I'm sorry but it's true... and I don't care if she reads this and wants to beat me up or whatever but it is so true... I don't care if anyone tells her either because I am so over it... I am going to work and night school and moving on... I was gonna give up everything to go with you to Iowa... to be with my friends... the people I thought I could trust to care about me and now I can't even do that so I'm over it... I'm so depressed I want to kill myself most of the time and I don't want to feel like this anymore... I am going for counseling soon and a little after that I with have medicatation and I will get better and I won't depend on you and Kyle and Kevin so much because it's not good for me... it's not good for you boys either that you’re my whole life... I should have other things to care about... and... Wow… I've been going on and on and this is only supposed to be a comment… anyways read my blog entry... I love you.
I practically already know it… he’s gonna choose her over me… because she’s everything I’m not… I can be there for him a million times and give him everything his heart desires but what his heart desires most is her and so he will always choose her… I know it… I just can’t seem to get along with her… at all… she’s always flipping out on me… I have a big mouth… people who know me get used to it. Plus it’s true… she does have a thing for a lot of guys and unlike me she acts on it… every single time a guy likes her and she likes them back she sleeps with them… I’ve liked guys before and not even said two words to them… she’s more gutsy then I am yes but maybe sometimes it’s a good thing that I’m shy and ugly and fat… at least I can’t go around catching things (not that I’m saying she has anything because I seriously don’t know) and passing them things to everyone I know… to anyone who will have me… my sister says she has low self-esteem and that sleeping with a lot of guys probably makes her feel loved and confident…. Yeah well… that’s how I got into the whole mess with Kevin… but he is only one guy not 12… can’t she choose one to have love her… I mean they all do. And I’m not jealous… she gets like one cute guy (Justin) to every 10 ugly ones (Mike N, Trapper, Sean, ext) Oh wait Kyle liked her too but she was dumb and fucked that up…. Kyle is such a great guy and anyone who can’t see that is seriously fucked up! The things she said about him made me want to just knock her side the head because he is such a great boyfriend to Tori and if she had got with Kyle way back when then maybe she would know real love by now because Kyle puts his everything into the girl he’s with… not like that fagget James who she’s “in love” with but cheats on every single day… every guy likes her and she’s still not happy… I would be happy to have one guy like me (If that one guy’s name happened to be Kevin Andrew Tilkins of course). She’s just… messed up and I don’t want to have anything to do with it or her anymore and if I loose friends out of it then so be it… they must not have liked me too much to begin with if they choose her over me anyways… like Sean… I have already chosen myself over his love for Jessi…. He has a thing for Jessi and pulls me into it by telling her shit, then whatever, fuck it… I don’t need him for anything anyways… I’m over it… I’m done being friends with people who fall for her lies… she lies to everyone about everything and I admit I used to do it too but I came clean… didn’t I Justin? I came clean on my dirt… at least with you… I kept so much of myself hidden from the world… the only one who knew anything about me was Kyle but now I’ve let a few others in on my secrets… Justin being one of the main people that it was hard for me to come clean with but I did it… grrr… well I’m gonna get kicked off the computers in a little bit for the class that’s coming in so I gotta post this… Justin I love you! Kyle if you happen to read this I love you too and Tori… and Leola… and… well everyone you know if I love you or not.