Just for now

just so everyone knows... I have no computer at home... the one in my room keeps fucking up and Russell doesn't let me use his which really doesn't matter too much since it doesn't have a cd burner or internet anyways... yeah and Matt's lost the internet too... so the only time I can go online is when I take precious time out of hanging out with Kevin to go to the library like I am right now... he is moving so soon... I'm getting into that depressed state... I walked by his math class and saw him there and I started crying because (I know I'm a lozer) in a few short weeks I'll be walking to Accounting and look in that class room and I won't see him and that just hurts so bad... Justin and Kyle... yeah I went to school with them but I almost never saw Kyle at school and Justin... well Justin became my best friend like 2 days before school started and I went to school with him for 4 days before he got himself kicked out and stuff... I wasn't use to seeing Justin everyday at school and walking through the hallways and skipping classes with him like I do with Kevin and it's just gonna be so different and sad... and anyways Rose told us that she is taking Justin and Kevin to Wisconsin for Christmas... and that they might not be coming back from vacation.... that they might send Justin back on the bus and just leave from Wisconnsin to go to Lousianna... that sucks so bad because I'm like... gonna be waiting for him to come home and he wont and I'll have thought he was gonna but then he won't and I'll just get so overly dramatic and upset and sad and... I won't know what to do with myself... God you guys I love him... anyone who reads this proababaly knows how much Kevin Andrew Tilkins means to me... he is my best friend... I may have a lot of best friends but I really am closest to Kyle, Justin, and Kevin... in no particular order here... I love those boys so much and I'm so gonna fall apart without at least on of them with me all the time... does anyone happen to remember how bad I was after Justin left for Cathi's and Kyle left for Iowa... before Kevin moved back from Sara's... if I didn't have Jen back then... I would have gone off the deep end... and now Jen's in Norregdewock and I get to see her once a month... so once again all my friends have deserted me... well Kiwi's still here but we like barly ever get together anymore... either I have to work or she does or... there's always something... I have no one left that I feel comfortable around... not even my family and that really sucks... I want to just drop outta school and move to Mason City to live with Kyle and Tori and Josh and Kayla and Missy and Scott and every other person down there who would be better than all the nobody's left up here... if I'm not friends with these people by now then there's probably a good reason....
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Anyways yeah... I'll be working more on writing about my vacation... proabably... um.. never mind I don't know I have work tomarrow from 11 - 2pm and then 5-8pm and then Wensday I have day and night school and then Thursday I'm going with Kiwi to check out the new Edge... which I hope sucks ass since I won't be able to go on a regular basis because I am too old... that place was my everything... if it weren't for that place me and Justin would probably still hate each other to this day... I never would have gotten so close to them boys even though we live on the same street.... that is where I met all my best friends... but not that one... the one on Water street... god I miss it... the concert job was the best job ever... I wish I could just rewind to a year ago and everything would be alright... well maybe a little more than a year ago... like ... to August... no because a lot of good things happened this year too... I don't know... I guess everything happens for a reason.... I just wish I knew what that reason was sometimes...


Kyle, Kevin, Justin, Tori, Jen, Leola, NaToni, Kiwi, Alicia, Brett, Nick, Michela, Bethie, Cindy, Monica, Angelina, Cora, Elise, Tisha, Sean, James, Doug, Christian, Karma, Guido, Josh, Kayla, Scott, Missy... just... I love you.... more than anything I love my friends...

Kyle - I miss you & Tori and everyone else... but mostly I miss you...
"I didn't mean it, When I said I didn't love you so, I should have held on tight, I never shoulda let you go... When you left I lost a part of me, It's still so hard to believe, Come back baby, please, Cause we belong together, Who else am I gon' lean on, When times get rough, Who's gonna talk to me on the phone, Till the sun comes up, Who's gonna take your place, There ain't nobody better, Oh, baby baby, we belong together"

Justin - I love you so much and I really wish you could come live with me but our eviction hearing is on Wensday so I'll get back to you ok.... "If I give up on you, I give up on me, If we fight what's true, will we ever be, Even God himself and the faith I knew, Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you; Tease me, by holding out your hand ,Then leave me, or take me as I am, And live our lives, stigmatized, I can feel the blood rushing though my veins, When I hear your voice, driving me insane ,Hour after hour, day after day, Every lonely night, that I sit and pray... I believe in you Even if no one understands I Believe in you, and I don't really give a damn If we're stigmatized"

Kevin - I bet you can guess what song I'm putting on here for him... "I wanna be there when you're feelin' high, I wanna be there when you wanna die, I'm gonna light your fire, I'm gonna feed your flame, I wanna be there when you go insane, I wanna be there when you're feelin' down, And I'll be there when your head is spinnin' 'round, I'm gonna be your lover, gonna be your friend, I wanna be there 'til the end" I love you Kevin!