Ranting

Yeah so... here I am back at school once more.... this sucks so much ass.... I got a major headache... I miss Kevin like crazy being in this building.... um... I don't know... I miss him so much and the other day when I called he's like "I don't like talking on the phone" and I'm like "I didn't call for 4 days because I know that" and he's like "Next time make it five".... It was so hard not to call him for those four... why can't he appreciate it that I want to stay in touch with him??? Justin appreciates it that I was the only person that made an effort to keep in touch with him the entire time he was in group homes... I've been the only one... no one else has cared... maybe Kyle and Jen... but that's it... especially not Jessi.... she was too busy... never mind I'm not going to get into it.... why does he always run back to her?!?!?! I don't even want him for myself anymore… I just want him to be with someone who deserves someone as great as him... he might be a psycho/alcoholic but he has a good heart... and (Justin if you read this I'm sorry and I love you) she just doesn't deserve him... he deserves someone who will stay faithful to him for one.... I mean she cheats on James any chance she gets... and I know he's not a great boyfriend or anything and I know he's in jail for a long-ass time because he's a retard and all but... come on... why she doesn’t just break up with him, I don’t know... I know of at least 5 people she's messed around with since she's been living back in Augusta.... for sure.... and maybe like another 6 or 7 that I’m not positive on but have a pretty good clue… anyways this isn’t about her… or well it’s not suppose to be…. Justin deserves better… way better than Jessi… way better than me…. I truly think that Justin and Jen should hook up… if it weren’t for all the weird sibling sex swapping…. They would be perfect for each other… they’re both attracted to one another and they’re both not cheaters… unlike Kevin and Jessi (cough, cough)… and they’re both really good people who deserve to be happy…

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Now wasn’t I talking about Kevin??? Yeah… he’s an asshole…. But I’m in love with him… because as “Ammi” says… I like to feel like shit…. I talked to Jen last night…. For like 2 hours… I miss her already… she might come down this weekend… there’s this slight chance… it doesn’t matter though because I am working like crazy… I am so tired and stuff… Friday I worked 6 to 1am…. There was a trail of mud leading from the front door around in front of the bain… to the soda fountain and to the bathroom…. Bathroom floor – covered in mud… it took 1 ½ just to sweep and mop… not to mention I had part of the floor swept and then people came in and ate in my restaurant… what was I suppose to say??? Grrr… then I had to go in Saturday at 5pm till 11pm (Lee showed up while I was at work and hung out off camera till I was done)…. Then I opened at 9am…. I got out of work at 2pm... went home and hung out with Justin till 5pm…. Went home and fell asleep around 6 until 9pm when I had to go back to work for Laura… we stayed till midnight…. Then yesterday (Monday) I got called into Bangor st. but had to see Dr Summers at 3:15… I got out of there a little before 4:20pm and was at work by 4:30… stayed till 9pm… went home and found out that Cullen and Nick were fighting and Cullen stabbed a screwdriver threw my door… the one from my old room… that I painted with Jaylyn… the one that meant a lot to me because I haven’t seen her (my best friend for 4 year) since June and I haven’t even talked to her since October 22nd… I know because I got a hold of her on her birthday and stuff… that was the last time I talked to her and that door meant a lot to me and now it’s ruined… I called Jen and talked to her for a while… watched National Security…. Took a shower and tried to go to sleep but was still up at 6am so I said fuck it and got up and went to school and now here I am in the library… Emily is in here and we're wearing the same shirt… our Tinkerbelle pajama tops…. She also has the same Tinkerbelle watch that I have… the one I lost because I took it off to do dishes at work and forgot where I put it… jeesh…

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Anyways yeah… so here I am…. Depressed like always… thinking about making a huge decision like dropping out of day school…. See I’m thinking all night school classes... Mon, Tue, Wends, & Thurs…. night school is just so much easier than day school… Then I can graduate in June still hopefully because I don’t think I’m getting anywhere by not going to day school… I just can’t get myself to wake up in the mornings… I’m so depressed I don’t want to get out of bed…. I like to sleep till 3pm…. So yeah… I have an appointment with Ms Renko at 11:30 so… hopefully I can get everything straightened out then and maybe not have to go to high school another 5 years for 4 more credits...

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Well… I’m done ranting for now…. Oh… by the way… all of the fish I got for Christmas are dead now… Jen’s fish Bubbles died first… then Kevin died… then Justin and Kyle died…. Lizzie and Gaby killed them I guess… they took the grate at the bottom of the tank and trapped the fish under it and they couldn’t move and died… something like that… I cried when I lifted the grate and saw Kyle float to the top of the tank… it was heartbreaking…
Kyle, Justin, Kevin, Jen, Tori, Leola, Kiwi, Angelina, Alicia, NaToni, Josh, Scott, Missy, Monica, Cora, Jaylyn, Larry, Melissa, Ashley, Brett, Nick, Jessi, and everyone else who reads this or might read this… I love you!

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Kyle… I love you most…. Lol…. j/k… I love Tori most… I mean Justin…. Kevin…. Leola…. Jen…. Kiwi…. Um…. Oh no… what do I say now???… I’m confused… I love you Kyle… you’re my best friend… and so are Justin, Kevin, Tori, Jen, and Leola…. But… grrr…. I love you!