First Xanga post

Post from Xanga:

Hey... yeah so Matt's gay ass computer wont let me post to my blog for some reason so I have to use this for a while... I'll still post to my blog while I'm at school or the library so keep checking that one too just in case....
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So what's new... um... I got my first Subway paycheck... $77.04... I bought a pack of camel wides... some pens so I can write letters and in my diary... um... some gum for Laura.... I bought some tampons lol... hey at least I ain't pregnant... it was over a week late and I was scared... I mean... wait why was I scared??? I'm a virgin damnit! lol... no I wasn't worried about being pregnant but it was weird for my period to be late... I'm usually pretty regular... anyways thats not such a cool topic so I'll switch it up now, lol... did I write on my blog that Kyle called.... nope I didn't I just checked... yeah so Kyle called and I didn't tell him the important thing that I had to tell him. I didn't want to hear the dissapointment in his voice.
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talked to Justin last night... unappreciative bastard... I made him this cd right... and I spent a long time on it... I burnt the cd and I made it this little case and wrote out all the song titles and stuff.... plus I made this little booklet thing explaining why the songs were on there... like the importance of all the songs and stuff... yeah... but he doesn't like one of the songs and he says he doesn't know any of the rest so he doesn't want it. The whole point of the cd is to get him to listen to a variety of music... learn some new good songs... I mean I put some really good songs on that cd... like... lost on tour, sobriety, and I feel so, papa roach and stuff... it's a really good cd... and he doesn't want it so I'm not making him any other cds or anything... he doesn't appreciate all my hard work so he can shove it. He says I'm his best friend and he loves me but Kevin says he's still only using me... that Justin doesn't care that I don't wanna talk to him anymore because he's an unappreciative bastard and stuff... it just pisses me off all to hell... I thought Justin was starting to care about me at least a little bit.... grrr.... why can't guys ever care about me and how I feel?.... the only guy who has ever cared about me or my feelings is Kyle.... that's why I wanna marry him... even if I'm not in love with him he still treats me the way I should be treated.... and then his parents wouldn't be able to keep us apart... too bad he's too young. Not to mention he probably wants to get married for love... not friendship like me. I just want to get married to someone who will care about me. Justin and Kevin... they never will care about me... they'll use me in their little ways and then say they love me but they don't mean it... Kevin trys to convince me.... and I try to believe him... but it's so hard... and Justin... I know he don't love me... but if he says it then I can pretend at least... but I know deep down he doesn't give a fuck about me... I just wanna feel good about myself for once in my fucking life and Kevin and Justin don't do a good job at helping me with that. No one does... that's why I'm gonna go fuck around with Ryan/Brian/Brad whatever in like half an hour... don't worry I wont do anything stupid... it's just been so long since I've even madeout with someone that... and hes sexy and all so... I don't know... and it's a boy so it's not like I'm cheating on my girlfriend or anything... cause doing stuff with a boy don't count against a girl-girl thing right?
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well I'm gonna go get ready... I gotta pee and brush my hair and change and stuff... so... check back later...
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oh my schedule is Sat and Sun 8:30am - 2pm, then Mon 7pm-close and Tues 6pm - close... so come see me..... Western Ave Subway....