Life sucks

I wanna write a little about my day though. After Kevy left at 3:45 am... well this was yesterday... I was online... on the downstairs computer... right now I'm on the upstairs one... Angelina's computer, in my room... it's slow, but hey... it's better than nothing I guess... actually it's working pretty good right now.. it has spyware or adware or something and I downloaded this free trial of virus protection... hey it's 4:20... anyways... I was on that message board again... jeesh I hate those people... oh pop-ups gone crazy... I'm tired... *yawns*... so anyways... I was on the computer till like 2ish... Leola had shown up and was hanging out with me when Kev came over and told me that he was going to Cathi's for a couple nights...

ohmygosh... *tears* I'm watching the Fresh Prince of Belair and it's such a sad episode. Will's dad came to visit him and said he was gonna take him with him but then made up an excuse at the last minet and didnt take Will. So Will got upset and said to Uncle Phil "Why doesn't he want me man?" He's like "It's not like I'm 5 years old anymore, staying up late asking my mom when's daddy gonna come home" He's like "I went to my first day of school without him, I learned how to drive without him, I learned how to shave without him and I will go to college and marry me a beutiful honey and have a ton of kids, and I will be a lot better of a father then he ever was to me"... "I don't need him. I didn't need him then and I don't need him now" It kinda hit me hard... reminds me of Justin and Kevin and how they're dads aren't around. I feel so bad for those boys. I mean they say they don't care... but... I don't know... I would care... ohgawd... I just stabbed myself with my exacto knife... I was bleeding everywhere... I haven't been typing in here for like an hour because I was chatting with Monica sending smilies back and forth lol... but she's gone to bed now I guess.
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Ok so where was I really? Oh yeah Lee showed up and hung out and Kev showed up to tell me he was going to Cathi's and he'll be back on Staurday... I told him the good news I got from Josh... that Kyle's probably leaving for Maine on Tuesday. After Kevy left Leola and Me went to Cumby's and got munchies even though we weren't high or anything. She got me a brownie and an ice cream sandwhich and a cadbury creme egg. She got herself 3 big cup penut butter cups and some other kind of ice cream. We got back to my house and watched some movie until Sean showed up so we all went up to my room... so did my brother.. and positive... Sean left cause he got bored hanging out with us. Lee's mom showed up and my brother left on his own to go back on the computer downstairs...

I fell asleep. I woke up around 8:30 something... I went downstairs and fought with my brother for him to get off the computer so I could call Justin... Matt says that everyone is allowed 2 hours on the downstairs computer now. That way there will stop being fights... I can do most of what I need to do on this one... but I don't go to the message boards or play Runescape on this one cause it's too slow..... wow Shakira is hott huh?.... new video on VH1 whew! ... Anyways it was like 9 so my mom just gave her cell and I called Kids Peace. Someone else was on the phone so I had to call back in 10 mins. I called Jen and talked to her for 18 mins until Justin called my cellback. She's pretty sure her mom is gonna get an apartment in Augusta again. Plus she's coming up sometime next week to Augusta so her gram can visit her mother (Jen's great-gram) and she's gonna come see us. We talked about how if she comes to stay for that week like she's suppose to then I'm gonna try to get her down to New Beginnings to see Justin... hopefully he'llbe able to get back in there. That way we can get *positive* with him again... I miss it so much... it's like... what most of our good memories are based on lol... that's kinda sad... but I loved him way back when neither one of us were into that stuff. When I fell in love with him he was a good little boy... on the wrestling team, never drank or smoked (anything), was a virgin (yep I loved him way back then), such a good little boy. He had gotten into that one fight with Ray Hamilton up here... he got into a fight in Lousianna too but it don't count... that's what made me fall... the Ray fight... so I guess I should like... be ok with Ray because of that... but I'm not... I guess I don't hate Ray... I just really don't like him and I think he's gross and I don't care who knows.

Anyways... Justin called back my cell so Jen was like "we've talked too long anyways, I'll let you go so you can call him" so we hung up and I called Justin. He spent $40 on black wife-beaters yesterday... that was his biggest news, lol. Oh yeah... I couldn't remember Cathi's number since Justin moved out like over 3 months ago so I go "Justin do you remember Cathi's number?" and he goes "Why?" and I go "Because you're brother's there for a couple nights" and he's like "Why?" and I go "So he can't spend her money" so he remebered the first 3 numbers which set me off so I could remember the last 4. It used to be my aol password. Hey.... one of Kyle's songs' videos just came on... I haven't heard from him in so long.... ok I just looked it up and it's been 23 days since I last talked to Kyle... how sad is that... my best friend... well one of them... him and Justin are equal now... awww cool... Saved By The Bell's Vegas Wedding is on... it's been a long time since I've been awake early enough to catch SBTB... Anyways... Justin told me he was gonna get off the phone with me and call Kevin so I go "I love you" and he goes "I love you too, talk to you later" and he said he might call me back later but he didn't. I wanted to call Kevin but Justin was suppose to so I called Jen back to tell her I knew the number now. No one picked up so I hung up and was gonna wait a while before calling Kevin but Jen called back my mom's cell. So I called her back and we talked for like another 10 mins. Then she had to go so I called Kevin at Cathi's... I was surprised but she actually let me talk to him. He told me about the movie The Grudge and I told him about when I stayed at Cathi's and watched Charlie's Angel's Full Throttle and me and Justin were checking out the girls lol... "She Will Be Loved" is on now... gawd I miss Kyle... anyways I asked him if he read that 3 page letter I wrote him and he said he did but his mom wouldn't let him burn it so he hid it in his room. I'm like "you better have hidden it good" and he's like "if you want you can tear my room apart I doubt you'll find it" so I guess that it'll be ok.... lol... He had some movie starting so we had to say goodbye. I go "I love you Kevin' and he goes "I love you too"... yay!... he wasn't gonna say it till I told the internet people to fuck-off and I did so he said it. Yay!... I love Kevy so so so so so so so much! Not in the same way as I love Justin... but I still love him so much.

Yeah so after that I got on my computer and talked to Monica... I took a shower around 1:30ish and I came back at 2:30ish and guess what I found..... Kevin had written to me from Cathi's screen name... the one Justin used when he was there. And I missed him goddamnit! And then Brett had been IMing me on yahoo and he signed off right as I was sitting back down at my chair... I kept talking to Monica though... I gotta get offline now though cause today is call backs to see if I got the Subway job... I want it, yet I don't want it. I want to work at Wal-Mart... it would be so much easier and funner... I would get to see tons of people... everyone goes to Wal-mart. And I'd want the night shift... cause that's usually when I'm awake and stuff.... anyways.. really I do have to be getting offline or else I'll be in trouble...
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Um... Kevy if you read this while you're at Cathi's leave a comment so I know... and write in yours... I love you!