well I'm home

Well I'm back home... well really I'm at lithgow on the computer.... sigh computer... that was something I really and trully missed. But anyways yeah... I guess Bobby had this gf and he liked her a lot and stuff so he doens't want to mess around with me now that I'm back... oh and yeah I'M NOT PREGNANT!!! no way in hell... my period was just a month late... thank god!!... yeah so.. I saw a lot of people yesterday... Jess is still sexy as hell... but nothing has really changed ya know... I mean... I was gone for a long time and... Laura and Russell broke up but... my mom and me already got into a fight.... Jen still tries her best to keep me happy but gets distracted cause she's always positive... I mean... Jess still kinda ignores me.... I haven't said more than like 5 words to Kevin since we got off the bus.... I don't know it just sucks... I want... I just want to be alone... I can't stand being in Iowa knowing that I'm drifting away from Kyle... my supposed escape from reality was a lie and now I don't have anywhere I can go to escape... I can't go to Kyle anymore... oh yeah and his fucking phone got shut off!!! So even though I said I was gonna come up here and forget about him... now I can't take it back if I wanted to... I can't call him and here his voice... nothing! I talked to Justin and he said I was a traitor and a backstabber.... I just want to confront him... make him sit down and get every vile word he has to say to me out... rag on me for hours if he feels the need... I just want him.... I don't know... it's like... now what will I do....fighting with Kyle hurt me a lot... to the point that I wanted to kill myself just so I wouldn't have to look at his eyes that seemed filled with hate... but... now... I would do anything to look in those eyes... it was hard... living without Jen... it was hard without Jess... it was hard-ish without Bobby or Sean or my family or all the other people up here... but to live without Kyle... I can't do it.... it's already killing me inside to be sitting here knowing that he's so far away from me... I can't go see him... I can't even call him... what kind of bullshit is that... motherfucker!!!!!
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Anyways.. if anyone reads this please comment... say anything ... I don't care I just feel like there's nobody listening to me anymore...