Fall to pieces...

I'm falling apart with my depression..... Kyle's already checked out of the Econo Lodge and I don't know Keri's cell number. They leave for Iowa at 3:30pm and I'll be at work at The Edge then. Also Justin is going into state custody on Thursday after drug-court. Everyone says it's for the best. That they'll help him get an apartment and fix his life and maybe it is. But ... what about me? I know I'm being selfish again but I mean... I'm gonna be all alone when he leaves. Two of my bestest friends in the whole world gone for what's going to seem like forever. It's just not fair. Why does God do this to me? I don't want new best friends I want the ones I've already been through so much with. Kyle knows every little thing there is to know about me. I only have one secret I keep from him and that's my exact weight but he knows every other thing about me. No one knows as much about me as that boy does. Justin, he was the first boy I ever did so much stuff with. He was the first boy I ever got high with, in many ways. He is the first boy I got drunk with. He is the first boy who's house I've slept over. He is the first boy I ever told some things to. I mean I've told Kyle everything but there are some things I told Justin first. There are some personal things that I have to keep a secret from the world that Justin was the first for and I just don't know. I love him so much. I love them both so much and I'm losing them both in the same week. This is so gay. Well, I have to go break the news to Jen in a few plus I still have to get ready for work so. I'll write more after work.