Update

Well Kyle leaves in just a few days…(Be happy Josh… I stayed up all night crying the other day so you be happy) I’m really going to miss him. I love that kid so much.

Um… I don’t think I’m in love with Kevin anymore… I don’t mind writing that it was him that I fell in love with because I’ve told Jen and Justin both and I think Kevin got the idea when my brother explained to him how it would be better if I just kill him so my problems will go away. Yeah… Nick said that. Nick said he would help me kill Kevin… what a retard. I don’t want to kill Kevin… he’s one of my best friends…

So now I have this… sad sorta empty space inside now. I don’t feel in love with anyone. Not Justin, not Kevin…. Kyle asked if I was in love with him… I was like “I love you, more than anyone in the world, but I AM NOT IN LOVE with you. So you don’t have to worry.” I just feel sad and empty.

I moved out… I did tell everyone that right? Yeah well… now I’m pretty much homeless. I’m already fighting with Laura and Russell. They think I’m just going to baby-sit the kids anytime they want to go out and do… whatever. That was not the deal. I was supposed to be getting paid for one. Laura won’t fill out the papers. Two… I was only supposed to have to baby-sit the kids while Laura worked… not while she goes to moms and gets positive and watch TV… that’s not fair. I don’t get to watch TV, not that I really care about that but I don’t want to watch her kids while she’s out having fun and not get paid for it.

Justin came over today. He got to see my new house and stuff… too bad I have to move out. God I hate moving all the fucking time. Why doesn’t anyone want me? Gives a girl a complex – getting kicked out of everywhere she tries to live.

So yeah… Justin’s worker brought him to the house so he (the worker) could talk to Rose. He joked about taking his blanket back. He was in my new room and everything. Jessi is staying at his mom’s so she was here and he got to see her. If I was allowed to talk to Justin on the phone I’m sure I’d hear about Jessi for the next couple months every time we talked. Though just being able to hear his voice would still be nice… even if he is talking about her… it would be better than nothing at all.

Kevin was nice to me for a couple minuets today. I was laying on his beanbags in my room and I put my arms out to him. He tried to give me his cigarette and I’m like “I don’t want that I want a hug” so he gave my brother his cigarette, pulled me up and hugged me. He didn’t even stop till I pulled away. That was really nice. Like we were really friends or something lol. I miss him just holding me in his arms and just hugging me.

Well I’m running out of time here so… I gotta go. Bierz!