Gone.......... Memories from Degrassi.com

Lots of stuff has happened.....lots of things that make me sad and depressed and want to cut but I know I won't. Never again. I tried to tell Justin ... to show him, but he yelled at me and I gave up. What's the point in telling him if it'll just make him mad and not want to contact me anymore? But I wasn't trying to hide it from him. That's the important thing. And I am never gonna do it again. It wasn't worth it this last time so I'll never again cut myself over something stupid ... over something important. It's just not worth it



OK so ... these are some entries I found in my journal at Degrassi.com

7/7/03 -- OK so like lately a lot I've been hanging out with my next door neighbor Justin and well I think I'm in love. He is so cute and so funny and I like him so much. he's so interesting and I could go on and on but I'm gonna stop.

7/8/03 - Justin's in the hospital. Last night Jessi (his slutty ex) was a bitch she called Justin to brag about her new boyfriend (who she cheated on him with). She's dating my friend Monica's ex James. He got really upset and asked me to get him a knife. I wouldn't of course. I don't want him to hurt himself. Last night when he was all pissed I decided that I loved him. If I can love him when he's yelling at me to get him a knife or leave him alone, I know it's real. He ran away and his mother called the cops. They found him and brought him to a crazy hospital for a week. My birthday is in a week. I was so worried when he was missing. He kept saying he wanted to hurt himself because he decided he still likes her. I hate her so much. She really doesn't deserve a guy like him. I hate her! (sorry Jen, I was mad at your sister. I don't hate her anymore. She's just the hope killer now)

8/4/03 -- Justin was back three days later. He ran away again a couple nights ago but he's back again. I wish he would tell me before he does these things.TJ& JT forever

9/5/03 - Justin sitting beside me----> aaa

9/8/03 - Justin is sitting by me again---------->

9/15/03 - Oh yeah I did add Justin in up there (the title of the entry was Travis & Justin - I took out the Travis stuff). He got into a fight at lunch again and now he can't eat lunch in the cafe. He was the only good thing about that lunch and they take him away.

12/19/03 - Travis told me he loved me today ..... so did Justin ohmygosh. But guess what Travis is grounded from the computer cause he failed four of his 6 classes. I'm gonna help him study.

1/6/04 - Today I skipped science with Cindy and we were hanging out in the hall outside the catwalk waiting for Jaylyn to get out of math class. In the hall Travis came and put his arm on my shoulder and said, “What's up my sista” lol. He's so cute and then at the same moment Justin came up to me and started talking to me about some math thing. I was in between my two biggest crushes!!!!!!

1/20/04 - I made an autograph book and Justin signed it "I (heart) U Tiffy. Then Travis signed it "Love ya" ohmy yea! I still have it too)

1/23/04 - I think I'm in love with him the sad thing is he likes my old friend Elena and she doesn't like him. She's bi and hit on me once but I don't swing that way so she got mad so that's why I said old friend. But I really am in love with Justin. Well, but he says he only wants to be friends what am I gonna do. It makes me sad that I like him so much and I'll never get him.

1/27/04 - Justin called me a slut!

2/12/04 - i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!i HATE him!!!!!

3/5/04 - title: Justin entry: I think i like him again (ohmygosh look at the date)

4/07/04 - I'm still mad at Travis. Justin ran away again...

4/16/04 -- title: Darn! Entry: he has a girlfriend

5/3/04 -- title: The Other Night entry: I ran into Justin and his girlfriend. Nuf-said.

8/24/04 - I bought "I (HEART) JUSTIN" socks at JC Penney they cost me $4.41 for one pair! I bought Travis that really cool T-shirt about being in a band. Now if only I could somehow give it to him. I really am going to miss him a lot.

8/27/04 - Well, Justin wants to get married. He didn't say anything about it being me he wants to marry, but he said he does want to get married someday like when he's 30 or something. So that's good. Also his little brother was dragging around a pocketbook yesterday and Justin kept calling him gay and then he said no kid of mine will be gay. I told him its not something someone chooses to be and he was like yes it is and no relative of mine is gonna be gay (a little narrow minded) but he's talking about having kids so that's good too. And before that we were sitting on his porch and I told him how his scar on his cheek is looking better, fading more ya know and he's like "I've already worked on what I'm gonna tell my grandchildren" see he's talking about our grandchildren. He wants to have grandchildren. Ohmygod! He wants to get married and have kids and grandchildren! I'm so happy! That was all yesterday. Today I went over his house around one to wake him up. Kyle had slept over and they had stayed up till 5 in the morning playing gameboy (lol). Kyle got up pretty quick but Justin wouldn't get up. When he finally did he and Kyle played gameboy while I stood there bored outta my mind saying "Justin stop playing video games and come talk to me" and I kept saying it over and over and Kyle goes "Jeez Tiffy what are you a nagging housewife?" and I go yes I am! then later after they finally gave up the video games Justin and Kyle ate Spongebob cereal (Justin was wearing Spongebob boxers) Justin said he picked it out. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!! I had to bug Justin because he kept watching sports and not talking to me too. I already know what it's gonna be like to marry him. We're gonna have a bunch of kids, he's gonna sit around all day and watch sports and play video games while I work all day to support his sexy ass! He is so lucky I love him so much! He will be good with our kids and he can clean and cook. If he does get a job he will either barely go or I'll have to wake him up every morning for an hour. that'll get old pretty quick so its a good thing I love him so much!

9/21/04 -- title: Justin is a retard entry: stupid stupid boy! He is so stupid! But he did kiss me (on the cheek) that was sweet!

11/2/04 - Justin has a girlfriend. It's Crystal Pooler! It makes me mad. I'm sooo jealous. I don't think it'll last long but I'm still jealous. I'm actually depressed. In an Ellie sorta way. I know, I know. But you know what It makes me feel better. I love him so much and I always get so jealous of other girls. Why can't he see me the way I see him. It's not fair!!!!

11/17/04 -- "I want a boyfriend. Someone to snuggle with and tell my secrets to and do homework with and giggle with and watch movies with and just be with all the time. because it's all so very nice and happy and calming."
It's from Terri's journal (on Degrassi.com). That is Justin to me. I tell him all my secrets and he tells me his. He helps me with my homework. We watch movies together and hang out all the time. Why isn't he my boyfriend??? Why doesn't he love me???
Anyway guess what else is new...Justin's family is packing to move away to Wisconsin (SP?) Why, why, why? I'll be all alone with no one to talk to. I will have lost my one true love, my soulmate, the boy I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love him so much. How can he just pack up and leave me? I will die!!!

12/2/04 - Anyone remember a guy I used to write about on her named Travis? Well, yesterday I called him and I actually got through and I talked to him for like an hour. That made me so very very happy. And he's coming up to visit soon. OH and also yesterday Justin and Alicia broke up. Which means he'll be free to screw around with other girls but hey one of those girls could be me? Ya never know. So after a month and a half of being so depressed I tried to kill myself every other day I'm finally in a good mood. I mean nothing is perfect I still have a horrible crappie life but I'm somewhat happy for the time being. Yay! Oh and I graduated from my night school class last night with a 94!

12/23/04 - Justin and Alicia are back together. But get this....she's my girlfriend too. Yep, funny isn't it.

1/11/05 - not that I think anyone actually reads this or anything but Justin and Alicia have broken up and he's all in love with Jessi again and there's no way I can compete with her.

That was the end of my entries about him.... I kinda stopped writing in that when I got big on writing in here.
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Other news:
Me and Justin are best friends and he's been being really nice to me a lot lately ... he showed up at my door a couple nights ago needing a place to crash cause he got kicked out of his grandmothers and was homeless. Now he's in emergency foster care. I hugged him as long as I could and I kissed him goodbye (on the cheek) and told him I loved him. The day before at the Edge on the stairs ... in front of everyone I told him I loved him and he said it right back, but then Friday in my yard, all alone, I told him as he was leaving and he didn't say it back. That was the last time I'll see him for probably the next two years till he's 18 years old ... and then, who knows what will have happened to him. I really love him!